This is funny. · 10:00am Aug 11th, 2018
The aniversary of My mother getting drafted into the angel army was 2 days ago. So I thought I would post this dream I had that has stuck with me. By the way, my mother was known for her VERY intense sense of humor. It's something she bequeathed to me. So, don't expect seriousness here.
Well, anyways, I have a weird thing that happens in my life. Basically for every three good things, three bad things seem to arrive. Always in batches, and always in proportion to each other. Things tend to even out. Sometimes I can even get a net gain, after all, not every bad thing needs to be a loss, it's mostly how you handle the situation. Keep in mind this does not bother me, but it does bother my Girlfriend. She is the most important person in my life and I don't like how this upsets her. So, I began having this recurring dream, that I had found a ritual. One that would bring me, alive, to the courts of the holy. There I would be permitted an audience with the Lord who would answer any questions I had to the best of my understanding. So I cast it and, sure enough, meet up with St Pete and get brought before the throne of God. As I am passing through I look to the side and I see my mother standing next to Job. She appears to be passing messages to the Angels, Saints, and other beings that make up the court of the holy, receiving spheres of energy in return. She waves, I wave back. I shrug at it and don't think much about this, my mother never could go long without some sort of project so it doesn't surprise me that she's continuing that trait in the afterlife. I step up to the throne of heaven and the Lord himself comes down to greet me, moving to embrace me as any loving father would.
I promptly kick him in the Dick, hard, repeatedly. Keep in mind I wear size 13 Redwing Hiking boots with a composite toe, I stand 6ft 5in and weigh a good 300lbs, most of that solid muscle. The first kick lifts him off the ground, after that he laid on the ground crying like a bitch as I repeatedly kicked and punched him, yelling my questions and complaints the entire time. I happen to look over to my mother as I do so and I realize that she had not been passing out messages. Oh no, My mother, in the court of the holy, upon hearing that I was coming, decided to start running book on what my reaction was going to be and how long it would take me to stop. Apparently, she had also roped Job into this as well and they both were turning a rather nice profit. Eventually the ritual ended and I was returned to the Physical plane. I was still kicking the crap out of the Lord My God as I did so. Both Christ and The Holy Spirit laughing hysterically. I REALLY think JC might have hurt his ribs with The way he was holding his side. The two best responses I got when I told people came from my girlfriend, who wanted to know if Job and my Mother were now a couple. To be clear I have no idea, but it's possible. The other was from my Aunt Ginny who asked if I ever got my questions answered. I did not, but I can't hold that against the almighty, my blows probably prevented speech.
Finally, I am obligated to tell you about this too, by word of Mom. A week or two after I told those near me about this dream, I had a follow up. My mother and I where seated at a dinning room table. She then proceeded to make sure that I was going to go to each person that I had told about this dream and make sure they knew that my Mother ran a clean book. Nether she nor Job placed any bets and they only took a flat .02% of the top. I did as I was told. I have no wish to discover after death that the above was not actually a dream and have to face my mother. I am aware that likelihood is low, but I don't wish to court my Mother's temper.
… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Yep that was my mom.