Who is fighting rats?! Stuffed bear is fighting rats! How can this be?! Patreon reward for A.P.O.N.I.

Greetings readers! Today we’re catching up with month’s Patreon rewards for A.P.O.N.I. just in time to be hopelessly behind for this month! Allergies are just the worst.

Yes. Even worse than you two. Source.

As mentioned, Mother Nature is taking revenge for all the many slights against her made by humans by attacking my sinuses. I mean… I’ll grant humans commit many, many unwarranted grievances on M.N. but hippos still murder peeps, amongst other animals that attack… Just saying, humans and Mother Nature still need to sit down at the conference table and figure out this ‘co-existence’ thing.

Anyhow, that’s neither here nor there, today we continue with chapter three of Stuff and Nonsense! The book where the main character levels up like a beginning level Everquest character… or Morrowind if you’re not as ancient as me.

It’s presented like the below

JUSTICE LEVELS UP IN BLOGGING!

+1 CHA

+1 INT

+1 WIS

+1 WRITING SKILL

+2 ENDURANCE FOR MIGRAINE BASED STATUS EFFECTS

+2 TO SNARK

Now imagine this happens at least once a page. This is interspersed with the very exposition heavy narrative, constantly shifting point of view, and action sequences that lean heavily on the readers understanding of role-playing game mechanics.

If that sounds like a good time, this is definitely the book for you!

I will say there some interesting world building going on here. The RPG system seems to be the natural order of humans and animals alike, making the world feel something like a midlevel, mostly magical based, Scott Pilgrim, which is kind of cool. Though these little tidbits are interspersed amongst the stuff mentioned above.

Like… do you remember eating trail mix as a kid and picking out all the M&Ms because the nuts, peanuts, and raisins were mostly bland and tasteless to you? It’s kind of like that except the raisins are attacking your face as you eat them.

I did one chapter this time. If you recall, Threadbare and the fat-cat, a.k.a. best character because he cusses occasionally and also a cat, a.k.a. whateverthecat’snameis, were fighting rats. There was no opportunity to be diplomatic with the rats because, as the last chapter said, there was only time for violence… and a few pages of the rats’ backstory.

There is also a king rat here, he is not as cool as the Modest Mouse song or video for said song.

Basically, Threadbare and cat get swarmed by rats. An orgy of violence and rat corpses ensues, because it’s rats vs a giant tomcat and a stuffed-bear golem that’s constantly leveling up. The ‘end boss’ is the rat king, Threadbare tanks while the cat jumps on a shelf and brings it down on the rat because the cat is huge. Threadbare manages to finish off the rat king and becomes royalty itself. I can only imagine the average lifespan of kings in this world is quite low given you’re suddenly a free class, stat, and skill boosts, for anyone who can off ya.

Then the cat and bear become friends, with the cat grooming Threadbare after the big fight (the story is not without its moments of adorableness). The bear’s creator and it's owner eventually stumble upon the aftermath of the regicide committing stuffed golem. They clean him up then have a fight because the father can clean things with a simple level 1 spell while the daughter has had to do laundry all this time.

Although the exchange between the pair didn’t quite sell me that the author has had lots of experience with tantrum-throwing children, it’s a pretty cute scene where the father gets to explain job classes a little.

Also, some sexy, evil woman is spying on the father and an imp eats one of her prisoners. So, here comes the plot! The sexy, imp summoning, evil witch plot!

I now imagine the witch looks like this, and no one can stop me. Also, she has a stuffed animal, which seemed appropriate. Source.

I’m very tired right now so hopefully someone knows what show the title of this post is referencing and bestows a youtube link upon everyone else. Anyhow, I do this blog thing (physical state permitting) for my supporters! Feel free to get in on that!

Catch you in the comments!

Comments

[Nova Quill]

Sorry, I don't get the reference, so I can't post a link.

Shitty deal your allergies are kicking your ass this badly bud, I hope you feel better soon.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

Man I think I own the box set of CLERKS the animated series. All eight episodes or so. Only show I've seen that made it's first episode a clip show.

[Justice3442]

4851808
Second, actually. They referenced the first episode in clips about three times.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

4852262
Ah, well. I've not seen it in going on 10 years, so...

[Justice3442]

4852272
It's still on Netflix, I mean... probably not a lot to remember if you feel like giving it another go.

Truth be told Breaking Bad is worth it to me to go through if only because Better Call Saul is even better if paced even SLOWER.

Edit: I thought that comment was in reference to Breaking Bad, oops.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

I have to admit, I also though that we were talking about Breaking Bad. I suppose that'll happen when we try to carry on two different conversations simultaneously.