What writing is supposed to be.

Hey guys.
I'm back.... and I've learned something.

If anyone reading this has been up to date with my stuff you'll know that my very last post on this site, ever, for like months, was a blog giving an update on my life.
I had said I was taking a break due to health issues regarding my anxiety. And while this is the truth, it's not... the full truth.
Here's what I mean.

I had been experiencing major anxiety attacks due to influential life events that had occurred over recent months, and yes, I'm better now, but I still struggle with it.
What I didn't realize was one cause of my anxiety was in part ... well... this site.

I've only been away for a couple months and already I've matured a lot, figured out a lot (this is not to brag, but simply to say as fact), and what I have come to realize was my attitude toward this site was entirely wrong.

Innocent little me from months earlier created a fanfiction about a show I was passionate about, and I put my heart and soul into it. Suddenly the desire to share my work sprang into my heart, and I set about posting chapter after chapter. But I noticed... I wasn't getting a lot of attention.
Or at least, less attention than a lot of people.

What had started as a pure desire to share became: I need more people to look at what I wrote to feel validated. I need to get on the front page for everyone to see. I need everyone telling me I'm a good writer... no, I want to write better than the people with all the views on here.
I need to write more fanfictions....
I need to alter this or that so people like it...
I'm not going to be my true self or take confidence in my work or write how I want to write because I want your attention and
You're. Going. To LOVE ME!!!

...I think I've made my point. I thought that I needed to change myself and how I write in order for people to think it was good. Because people have different tastes on here... or, one singular taste that does not correlate with my own style.
And this is where I explain why my mindset was, indeed, very wrong, BUT...
Not entirely my fault.
*gasp* What?! I know, I know, I'm about to speak heresy against this site, but for valid reason.

I've learned what writing is.
After months and months of mending and resting and reading and writing, I discovered what most people on this site are getting wrong. What I got wrong.

I had writer's block for the longest time, and it didn't end until I re-read the Divergent series. Then I watched the Maze Runner. And everything changed.
I was inspired.
I fell in love with each series and developed a passion for story-telling, for mystery... for passion itself. And I've started writing a book. Something I never thought I'd do.

I began looking into interviews with the authors I had been inspired by, trying to gather advice on how to best accomplish my new goal. And I always found one answer.
Just write.
When you feel like writing, write.
When you don't feel like writing, write.
When you're stuck, write.
When you have writer's block, write.
When you're out of ideas.
When you're uninspired.
When you feel like you're losing passion.
Just.
Write.

And finally I learned the Ancient Chinese Secret. Writing is a passion, it's something you do, it's something you love. You write a story because you want to, because it's fun, because it creates a new world you fall in love with. Writing is something very profound, and you do it... only because you love it.
Passion is the key.

This is what the site gets wrong.
It often feels like passion isn't put into a lot of the stories. But that's because we've been trained.
The attitude on this site is so cynical, so critical, and if I'm bold.... snobbish.
I don't really see anyone reading because they have a passion for reading, because they just have to in order to fill that void, satiate that thirst.
I see people clicking on a story, scrutinizing it, and if it meets their standard, they dub it good and maybe leave a like.
I hate to break it to you, everypony.
A story isn't good just because you say it is.

I'm tired of this mindset that, if you didn't enjoy something, it must be bad.
Guys, you're not a god.
A story can be good even if you didn't like it. It can be good even if it doesn't meet this site's standards. It can be good even if it's something totally new, different, something that breaks the norm or usual style of what we see here.
Because I'm gonna be honest, guys, when I logged into this site everyday and looked at the featured box, to me everything looked basically the same.
Oh, a shipfic.
Oh, a random comedy.
Oh, a dark and gory war-story.
Oh, something tragic. Probably Scootaloo.

Guys... you can test it out for yourselves. There are some definite gems out there, some true original ideas, but most of what I see is the same thing.
And it's because everyone is trying to get views.
To get views, you need to please the crowd.
To please the crowd, you gotta write a certain way.
And then, finally, you'll be *featured*! Wow, you must feel so accomplished!

...Sorry. Look. The point is, I'm going to be writing for myself from now on. I'm going to be writing because I'm passionate about it.
It's still going to be hard to fight the tug of pleasing the crowd. Even the moment I logged on, the temptation returned to me.
But I hope someone out there sees this and starts reading a different way. Writing a different way.

From here on out you can expect me to finish off projects I've been held-up with for ages because of legit everything I've mentioned above.
Also expect some new, quirky one-offs and a fun little project I have been thinking a lot about.
There will be some changes to my page, and you can expect, I'm not the same woman I was.
Stay brave, write passionately, read passionately.
I'll see you next time.