Apr
2nd
2018
When I realised that having friends was something that I don't really deserve. Or at least, I doubt I do. · 10:10pm Apr 2nd, 2018
I know I've been wrong and I've done wrong, and there's something that has bothered me for quite some time.
I've had friends in the past, sure, but as I grew up, I came to believe that one thing I don't feel I deserve is the friendship of others. I know it painfully well, and I can't take anything back.
Half the time, I wonder why anyone would like to be either friends or associated with me in the slightest.
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Ribe_FireRain · 66 views
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We've all done something, we regret. Sometimes those thing will haunt you every day for the rest of your life. and a lot of us have been abandoned when we needed people most, some of us have been kicked while we were down. Trust me it's easy to let your heart grow cold from it. To let the world win and stop trying to find people to not only put a smile on your face, but who'll be there for you and you for them.
It's even worse when it's your own family that causes the worst of the pain. When they point out every flaw, everything you hate about your self and constantly berate and crush everything you love about yourself until you are what they tell you-you are.... a monster... and for a while. I was no better than the world around me.
But friends, good ones at least... can pull you from that darkness. Or at the very least comfort you. Sure it takes a while to find those good friends who'll take time out of their day to treat you like a human being. Not an inconvenience. You just have to hold onto that hope that either you'll find them or they'll find you.
Sure you'll snap at each other, and fight. But its what happens after that fight that defines your relationship with them. If you can forgive each other and move on all the stronger for it. Or accept that you have a difference of opinion and still stay friendly with each other. Then that's someone worth everything in the world to find. That's friendship mate, and finding it is something all hope to find and work towards every day. Least we are pulled down into the cruel world around us.
Look... I know I'm just a stranger on the internet typing all these words on a keyboard. But I've been there. Alone for more years then I care to recount. It's hell having nobody to really connect to... so look...I don't know if any of that makes sense. But I'll gladly be there for you if you want someone to talk too. I may take a while to respond cause my sleep schedule trash. But I'll be there if you want someone to be there. Cause everyone deserves to be happy, with friends who'll support them. Even you. So I hope despite anything that might have happened today. You have a good day.
See, that's the funny thing about true friends... they don't care.
They don't care if you've been wrong in the past, they don't care if you've made mistakes, and they don't care if you vent. And they definitely don't care if you think you deserve their friendship. What makes people friends is the simple fact that they enjoy each other's company and/or admire and respect each other as individual people.
It's hard for most people to give a well thought out explanation as to why they find friendship in other people, or why they enjoy having them as a friend.
I know what it's like to doubt yourself, and feel like you're not worthy of friendship. I know it all too well, but it might be that it's only because I didn't understand how simple it could be.
Thus, to paraphrase a quote from a very dear friend of mine: "I'm your friend, I like you. Deal with it."
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To that last quote -
Yes, it's true that friendship has strange bonds that come with it, and for me, it's been that way for quite some time. I made friends with people I didn't think I would, and the strange thing about that is that those people were almost always guys. In my entire life, I can only count a small number of women I could actually talk to without feeling daft.
As far as venting and respect goes, I show that in the form of guitar playing, and I'll be honest about that - In the traditional (not really) English saying, ''Ow, my bloody fingers!!!''. I respected so many people that I've written both poetry and songs about them. I've always been nice to people because they were always nice back, even when we didn't know much about each other. A perfect example is that fact that I'm talking to you right now. I don't know you in real life, but I'm always respectful and I like you enough to call you a friend.
(Oh, and don't tell me that you think that the British are always so polite and well-mannered and good-natured, because that stereotype is so, so, so not right nor accurate. We can be as much as a bitch as the next person, and believe me, there are some that I can name quite easily.)