Do you like Anime?

Hi it's been a while since I've spoken at all in blog form. (Well formally anyways.)

it's been so long since I did this, I'm not sure how to go about it.
Usually, I have a long-winded script in my head, but this time I'm kind of just going with my gut on this.

In a way, I was walking with the dead for a while. Though I didn't feel like I was dead, I really was, inside anyway...

I guess you can say I've been lost for quite a long time, perhaps even longer than I realize. However, instead of having a rude awakening, I had a sort of peaceful transcendence.

Which leads me to the following questions.
Do you like anime? And if so which ones are your favorite?
If you're not a fan of anime that is all right by me. You see the funny thing is that my confidence actually came from anime in the first place.

It started with Pokémon, which at the time was just barely reaching the USA, and making a huge impact on the community at the time. I was confused at first with the creatures, but that all changed the moment my mom got us a happy meal with Pokémon toys in it (I got a muck keychain by the way) and became fascinated with them.

Several years later my parents had forced me to get rid of all my Pokémon stuff because of an unhealthy obsession I had at the time. Which was for the best but they could've sold some of those things for twice what they were worth if they had given it a shot!

A couple years later I come across a series called (one piece) and later again was captivated when the animated film (Howl's Moving Castle) first aired on cartoon network.

During the time in between, I had also seen several others done by Miyazaki without even realizing what they were, to begin with.

For the longest time I didn't care about the quality of any cartoon I saw, but before I realized it, I'd grown sick of just about all of them.

The cartoons on cartoon network were becoming trash, the same jokes would be played over and over again, soon it felt repetitive when watching the shows I used to deem was my favorite.
And for a long time I didn't know why, but when something bothers me I always think hard and relentlessly about it until I find the words that describe how I feel.

And I knew what was wrong with all of the ones I hated. It was the story.

Despite the lack of actual stories on the site, I am actually a very active storyteller.
If you want me to, I can make up a page that could describe a pen in a format that actually encourages your interests into the backstory of said pen.

But obviously I was starving for sumthing with substance, and that when I discovered the name of anime!

I didn't know what anime was for a long time, but once I did I felt a whole new revival in me.

Funny, I say that and yet I left it behind. Like my friends here... If I have any left.

I told myself it was a distraction, and that I wasn't going to watch it until I accomplished my goals, which never happened. Year after year I told myself not to watch it because it distracted me from my true goal.

But what was my goal? I can't remember what I started out doing before...
Was it writing? And if so what did I write about?
I remember I was working on a story called (Vocaloid Equestria) in collaboration with several others, but that was canceled due to how chaotic it was years ago. So what was I doing?

Either way, I obviously failed not only to advance my skills but advance my relationships with people.

In the end, I realize that I was only running around in circles, going fast but going nowhere.

I remember how I felt when people were actually following me because of my blogs. I was astounded because the blogs were not my strong suit, and yet people came.
I kept telling myself that I would not disappoint them, but I had already failed, I just didn't know it at the time.

There were several people who had high hopes for me and up and left after a while.
It did not help my confidence in the slightest way no matter how hard I tried I had these horrible writer blocks that taunted me saying that I'm not good enough and that I should just quit now sooner than later.

But I'm too stubborn to quit, so despite the aching pain I pressed on in a spastic way, hoping and praying with all my might that this year was going to be different, that I was finally going to accomplish something.

Last year came and went.

Honestly am surprised that everyone stayed around as long as they had, but then again why would anyone bother to look through the list of endless people they follow just to unfollow me. I know I wouldn't do it. My name is probably at the bottom just waiting to be forgotten if it hadn't been already.

It was a conclusion I came to long ago, and now is just one of the many things that haunted me.

But again, I had another revival. But unlike before it's stronger now than it was ever before.
Each of the other times it happened I wasn't ready, my mind was willing but my skills were far too inferior to do anything decent with it. And regardless of my ambitions at a time, the weight fear frustration guilt inferiority and hatred for my weaknesses always destroyed me.

So what's different now? Simple, I just started watching anime again.

It's funny really, sometimes it just takes one little story to open a door that was otherwise locked to you.

I recently decided to watch anime again starting with ( my hero academia) as a start to catch up with my cousin in Portland Oregon. It was a spark that I need to get back on track, but it wasn't the one that got my passion back in line. The one that actually did it was ironically (little which academia).

There's nothing particularly special about it at first glance as it comes off as Childish to some people like my brother.
However, I had a policy to always watch at least two episodes of any given series, possibly more if it shows promising. It was usually what it always took for me to be interested in anything.

It merely took the first minute of watching it to surprise me. The animation I was seeing was nothing like a cheap child show as the constant changing scenery I knew all too well would have to be drawn by hand.
This was a miraculous transition that caught my attention with full force. The first thought that came to my mind was (I don't see anything childish here. What I see is pure brilliance!)

And so I continued watching the series on and off for the last few days as I found an increasing Interest in the detail and more importantly the story that was unfolding.

It's rare when a story catches me off guard, but I have to say that the people who made this series were more than aware what they were doing. In plenty of cases, the series will outright blare out what you can expect. You can practically smell the drama from a mile away, but this series doesn't let you know what you can expect all the time, especially the second season final episodes when the craziest circumstances suddenly come to light when you otherwise never had to question anything!

It was the most brilliant story I ever came to fall in love with to this day in any anime I have ever seen!

I never expected much, but I found so much more than I expected. The emotion, the context, the style, the humor, and more importantly the fundamental lessons of everyday life that I rarely get to hear anywhere else and the reflection of the past and the events that happened in each of them to bring about the outcome of the story's integrity.

I was so giddy when I saw the final episode that I looked like an absolute fool with a smile going from ear to ear.

I felt a positive drive I haven't felt since the earlier days of the MLP fandom when I desperately wanted to reach out to others who had the same interests as I did, and wanted to share ideas with others to help improve their foundations and watch everything unfold.

For the longest time, I had a weight on my back that simply would not go away with wishful thinking or feeble attempts.

It was like I was stuck in a loop that made me think that I was incapable of writing because I did not improve anything.

Apparently, I was lying to myself. Looking back at my previous blogs and how long it took to write all of them compared to how fast I'm writing this one, clearly shows me how broken I was.

I was indeed dead inside though I did not feel like I was. The inspiration and drive that made me so passionate were gone until I realized what was the problem.

It took me so long because I was the only one really looking for an answer. Yes, I am pretty slow to learn or to catch on to what my feelings are telling me, but in plenty of aspects, I am pretty quick.

I remember now why I wanted to tell stories, why I want to create them, to share them, and to see the expression of all my hard work paying off when someone says (I like it!)

I got so lost, but now it feels like I just barely stumbled out of a dark forest after an eternity, tired and exhausted and at first unbelieving, at the site, I was seeing. A road, finally a road in the clearing!

Even though it has been several years since I last attempted to think about writing an original story of my own again, I suddenly feel like I am being drawn to it, and I can't get it out of my mind. Though I already have an idea of which one I'm going to work on I'm going to hold off on it for a while. After all, I need some practice.

So if you're still reading this and you happen to be already following me, please leave a comment. I don't know who is actually looking for my blogs anymore or if anyone cares, but this time is not a false alarm.

This time it's real and it's going to be done very soon. Though the story was originally intended for nightmare night I figured I could just do a live reading on it for the holiday or something.

The stories name is (Friendly nightmares and unsettling sites.)

I don't think this story qualifies as a horror story, but the idea is to be generally scary.

The story will be done in one and a half weeks from now. Half of the week for the story, the rest for proofreading as some people tend to take time getting to the reading part. Other than that it should be easy as a cover art is going to be simple.

I will let you know ahead of time what you can expect after all life has screwed me over one too many f***n times before, so you know to keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck.

Thank you for reading by the way. Not only is it good for me but it's good for you to as this means you get your daily quota of reading time on the daily average. Always room for improvement.

Have a good day and thank you again.

BTW/ I know the mistakes in this blog, and I don't care.

PEACE OUT!

Comments

[Panicing_in_pain]

Depends on which anime it is. Most of the time, the answer is yes.