FanFic Review: Dusk · 6:06am Feb 18th, 2018
Hello, brothers and sisters. I am Madness and welcome to my kingdom.
Here's something I haven't done in a while: I'm gonna be doing a review on a story. This is a story I was actually tracking and it was completed today. This story is Dusk by PeryFire. Here's the description:
Sonata Dusk is an average teenaged girl attending an average high school. But when a serial killer starts picking off her fellow students, her life becomes anything but average.
AU tag for regular, non-magical high school setting.
Eeyup, this is a story about Sonata and a serial killer. That's... different. I actually talked with a friend to get his opinion on it and if it was worth tracking. It was decided and I've been following this grim tale. So, how was it? Well, let's see for ourselves. This review will contain spoilers that will be blacked out; the story is a little over 13k words long, so I would suggest reading it yourself before the review. So, without further ado, let's look over this.
The story starts with Sonata being her silly self and getting to school, but things instantly turn dark when Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna announce that a student named Orange Slice was murdered. From there, the story keeps a nice pace as it details how Sonata deals with everything. Sonata, along with Adagio and Aria, go to the funeral and befriend Twilight. Everything is calm enough... until another student, Roseluck, is murdered. As Sonata's fear grows, she comes to grips with her own mortality and becomes restless, though she grows closer to Twilight in the process.
From then on, Sonata starts going on long walks where she zones out and finds that several hours had passed; morning one moment and night the next. Her grades steadily drop as the exams just float around her head. The shock of two of her fellow students dying taking a toll on her. However, things get much much worse; and pretty much everything from here on out is going to be a spoiler, but I'll black out the more important details. One night, during one of her walks, Sonata ends up slipping in blood and finds the mutilated corpse of Vinyl Scratch. This shakes Sonata very hard and she has to see a psychiatrist.
I would like to mention that I really like how the story plays out. It's fast paced, but in a really good way. It kinda makes you feel a bit like Sonata feels with everything happening so fast. And the descriptions are very well-done; it really gets you into the story. I can easily see it playing out in my mind like a movie with no effort. As for the dialogue... Well, it's so-so. It's alright, but a lot of times the characters talk like... Well, they talk like I do and I don't talk like normal people; I'm autistic, remember? But it's not that distracting thankfully. Anyway, back to the story.
Sonata seems to be unable to recover from the ordeal, with her continuing to zone out and relive the moment. Despite knowing that her friends were coming over and that it's not safe, she can't keep herself from going on another walk. Upon realizing she was gone, Adagio, Twilight, and Aria decide to split up and look for her-wait, what? 
Umm... Okay, I can understand Sonata doing this since she is not in a very stable mindset right now, but the other three...? Why split up? To cover more ground faster? In case you forgot, there is a freaking serial killer on the loose! Why doesn't Twilight call her other friends and get them to help search? That way, they can cover even more ground and everyone will have a buddy or two to watch their back! But no, no, no. They just have to be stupid. And, as anyone with a brain can guess and expect, one of them gets killed for it. This leads to one of the most intense parts of the fic: Sonata witnessing Aria's murder.
It's heartbreaking...... but I guess that's what you get for being that stupid. (shrugs)
Sonata cradles Aria's dead body and ends up in a catatonic state for two weeks, missing Aria's funeral in the process. Thanks to Adagio and Twilight's presence, Sonata is able to recall her memories of the incident without relapsing back into catatonia. She visits Aria's grave and contemplates with Twilight.
...I'm sorry, am I the only one wondering where Twilight's other friends are; Sunset and the others? Did it never occur to her to get help from them? Maybe they could help with Sonata? Did Twilight not want to bother them with it? Did she stop hanging out with them? I don't know about you, but if a friend of mine went through what Sonata is going through, I would do all in my power to try and help them, and bringing in my other friends to help would be my first step. All I want is an explanation; one that I am never gonna get.
That day, Sonata decided to take a longer route home and Adagio decided to go to the park to get some peace of mind. Sonata passes by the park and sees Adagio... as well as a hooded figure. I think you know where this is going. Sonata races towards them as the killer strangles Adagio to death. She's too late, but she finally sees the face of the killer. We finally see who is behind all this and Sonata's heart nearly stops. The whole time, the killer was....
Sonata.
...
Okay....... Let's look at the climax of the story before I address this.
Sonata tells Twilight what happened and Twilight calls the police. Sonata doesn't take this well and completely changes. Apparently, Sonata suffers from some kind of multi-personality disorder with her secondary personality being responsible for the murders. Twilight runs around Twilight's house trying to find and kill her with Shining Armor's baseball ball. After knocking Twilight down the stairs, Sonata proceeds to beat her with the bat, but comes to her senses before she can bash Twilight's head in. She is then arrested and, thanks to Twilight's testimony, she is put in a mental hospital.
Six months later, Twilight visits Sonata to find that she has completely given up on herself and is adamant that she should stay locked up forever. Twilight's words of encouragement only bring out Psychonata, prompting Sonata to ask Twilight to leave. The story ends with their finally goodbyes.
Yeah, real sad...... But let's look at the big reveal of who the killer is.
So, Sonata was the killer and it's because she has an evil split-personality. Alright, so that explains all the blacking out and the walks and why she was affected by the murders so differently than anyone else. Buuut... it's bullcrap. As far as we know, Sonata has had no history of mental issues and, seeing as the author made it clear that there is no magic in this AU, it wasn't some kind of dark spell. Sooo, Sonata spontaniously gained a split-personality for no reason? And this new personality decided to kill people for thrills?
Of course! It makes perfect sense.... except it doesn't. At all.
A twist like this needs a lot more put into the story and as is, it makes the whole story look silly. I really can't take this story seriously looking back on it. It's too ridiculous.
Though, despite the absurd twist, the story is pretty cool and, up until that moment and aside from the plothole regarding Twilight's friends not to mention the oh so brilliant split up idea, the story was very gripping and, for the most part, well written. So, I suggest giving it a read. And be sure to show the author some love.
Well, that's one Dazzling fic review down. Two more to go.... at the moment. 
Aaaand that's all for now. God bless you, bye bye.
Thanks so much for doing this review! I really appreciate it! I'm gonna address some of your comments (not to defend myself, but because I totally agree). First of all, I laughed when you mentioned that my dialogue is "so-so" because every time I had to write dialogue I felt like it was the most awkward thing ever and that if I had any semblance of social skills maybe I'd have the experience to make it sound like normal people talking. About Twilight, Aria, and Adagio splitting up to look for Sonata... Yeah. I was expecting someone to tell me that's dumb. I think that's dumb. I'd like to justify it by saying that they got really scared for Sonata's sake and it took away their rational thought, but it's really just a moment of plot convenience, I will openly admit. Now, the part where Twilight's other friends are. Yup. Having the Mane 6 (+1) all in a scene is really hard for me to deal with. Or even if they aren't all in a scene together, just having them active in the story is difficult for me. My dialogue is awkward as it is, so I didn't want to have too many more instances than I already did. I'm sure in reality Twilight would have seen her friends about all the stuff. Maybe an off-screen moment if you will, but yes. I skipped this because I am lazy/lacking the skill to add them into the story. I will disagree about the split-personality thing. That's one way to put it, and I guess it looks that way, but I don't specifically say split-personality because it's a legit mental disorder, and I don't want to accidentally antagonize anyone with split or multi-personality disorder. I also think that people with those disorders can see what their other personalities are doing, but I'm not sure if that's the case with everyone. I'd call what happens to Sonata more of a possession, but call it what you will. And I do agree that the whole twist at the end is really silly and it's not built up to properly. I'm not a good enough writer to really do that, and I wanted to make the story rather short. It was a learning experience. I figured out some stuff about what works and what doesn't, and this kinda doesn't.
Anyways, I made a long response. Great review, I appreciate all your praise and critiques, so thank you so much!! You're wonderful!
4799585
I'm so glad you appreciate the review; enough to follow me even.
Yeah, I was thinking it was more of a possession, but since you were so clear about their being no magic, I figured you wouldn't use supernatural elements either. Ether way, it's still poorly done. But hey, it was a learning experience and good try.
4799588
I actually thought I was following you already, but I guess I missed the follow button a while ago. Better late than never?
Yeah, my "no magic" thing is kinda vague. I guess I kinda meant Equestrian Magic, and wasn't super clear on it. I mean possession can happen in real life, right? Guess it depends on what you believe in. :P Ghosts and stuff you know. But yeah, thanks for putting so much thought into my story, it's really appreciated!
4799590
Yeah, possessions happen in real life, but the problem here is it doesn't play out like a possession at all. Plus there's no alluding to some kind of evil supernatural force of any kind.
4799591
True. I left it vague. I didn't really feel like it was something that needed to or should be explained. Sometimes explaining things really kills it, and I mean I kinda suck so I would have killed it worse than I already did. I'm also a fan of vagueness, even if it isn't the most appropriate tool to use.
4799593
It's true that vagueness is often a great way to go (just look at Michael Myers), but this just wasn't one of those times.
Well, I'm sure your next fic will be a big improvement. I mean, that's what criticism is for, right?
4799596
Absolutely. The best way to get good at something is to do that thing until you get good at it. Thanks for all your feedback and the conversation!!
4799598
No problem! Anything for a friend.
And feel free to look around at my stories. Not because it'll help, but because I'm an attention whore when it comes to my stories.
4799600
👍
I think you should check out this fic next.
4799633
Well, it's an option.
I've heard of this fic, but I never read it. I never really like tragic stories, but I think I'll give it a try.