I need someone to talk to.... · 2:39am Sep 14th, 2017
So... I've never done this before but I really need to talk to someone about this... even if no one responds it'll make me feel a little better to have said it somewhere... So a few hours earlier today I talked with my best friend... sorta... we just sat there in silence. I read a book and she was on her phone.. I tried to start conversations but they all faded out... I texted her (we have serious talks over texts) that I didn't like that we don't talk anymore. We would talk and have fun all the time. We've been friends for almost 7 years. I wanted to know what i could do to get us going again... but she didn't know... and now I fear I'm losing my best friend. She is a part of me. I love her. Not sure if I love love her or just love her because she is so close to me and important. I value her more than anything. And when I asked if I was losing her she said she 'didn't think so' and that wasn't really comforting.... I would have a mental breakdown if I lost her... literally. I almost did while we were texting. And now I feel a pain in my chest and fear that I only just gotten rid of. The girl i liked was unable to like me bacj and I was heartbroken... Am I heartbroken at the fact that I'll lose my best friend? I asked if she would keep in touch with me and she said 'always' and I cried but then she said 'I'll try' and I'm like 'way to ruin the mood' but I fear what our relationship will be in the future.... I confide in her. Literally everything. She knows my darkest secrets. And she's always there for me when I'm upset. Always. But any other reason like to talk or if I have questions about band she nevers responds. If I say 'I need my best friend...' she replies immediately. So what do I do?? She's everything to me.... I don't want to lose her... we have two years of high school left... and I don't want to lose before I have to... or not at all.... To be honest she is my only true friend. I've NEVER had a friend like her. I met her in 6th grade and we didn't talk much but we became good friends 8th grade. And throughout high school our bond strengthened after one of our closest mutual friends tried to commit suicide (twice) in the school bathroom moved away without a trace. I had her MOMS phone number and it stopped working. She disappeared off the map. So essentially me and her grew closer over this lose each of us thinking it was our fault for not being a better friend to her. My best friend... is the only one I will ever have like her... I plan on going to a university after high school... she plans to go to a junior college first... we will apart from each other... I just hope she won't a busy schedule as she did in high school. None of our friends could hang out with her because both her parents are teachers and she's involved in EVERYTHING. What does one do when they are about to lose their beat friend?
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Ok so... she's the craziest person I know. Super energetic and doing all sorts of fun stuff. But when we text she gets super wise super fast. I told her that I didn't want to lose her and that she was very dear to me but she said she didn't know how to respond to that and don't get to choose who cone and goes in our lifes...:(
Damn hard stuff. Listen, I may not of had a friend like that, or many friends I stay'd in touch with for long in real life, but hear me out in what I have to say.
Life is a game, a game play'd off a narrative story, some times we'er able to chose our own path, but many time's we can't see how. What I'm trying to say, is that you can't always keep what you'v always had, the world changes for the reason that we may learn and grow. In other words, you'v had one stable point in your life for so long, that to lose it will be earth shattering for you, but it's all apart of growing and going with the flow.
I don't know if this was helpful, or if it had the opposite affect. But just know that you will never be alone, even in you darkest hour, there is always another going thru the same pains. What the real deciding factor here is tho, is what will you do, and can you come to terms with your self and the world around you?
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So.. like that was forever ago... XD But thanks for the kind words.. she's growing closer to the girl i love (as in actual love) and I think they're best friends now or whatever and I'm very jealous. 1. That she's all up on my girl(even though we can never be together) and 2. That she's not really acknowledging me. I really don't want to lose her but I honestly think I already have.
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well there ya go, she 'is' yet she 'isn't' there, the scales are even.
And now I have to ask, who is this girl she all over that you love but know you can't have. XD
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I'll PM you that one... don't want very many people to see that... It's super complicated.
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K,yeah you do that.
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Thank you so much for the kind words. We are currently in Christmas break and I’m not sure where all this is going... it seems like she’s gotten kinda rude with me honestly.... and if I’m being honest for some reason I’m finding it very hard to grow up. I’m the EXACT same person I was in 8th grade. I’m our groups ‘bully’ as they put it. My ‘bff’ just doesn’t put up with it. I try joking around with her sometimes but I guess my jokes aren’t her style. Idek. She gets SO annoyed with me... sometimes I think she hates me. I’m a texter. I love attention. But not irl. I hate it. My face gets really red and I recently cut off all my hair and donated it to Locks of Love... so it’s MUCH more noticable when I’m embarrassed.... I love texting people it makes me feel like they care enough to think about me when they’re aren’t forced to... I can guarantee that ALL of our conversations are one sided on my half. It’s all just my messages and her one reply. I’m not afraid to multi text. I never even knew that wasn’t normal until recently.... but I feel kinda alone... I’m legally blind... (no. I am not making this up. -_- and no I am not fully blind. It’s just by legal standards) All my friends think I can’t pursues my dreams because I can’t see well. We had a conversation at lunch about what we saw each other doing in the future. Everyone thought I’d end up in jail (my own brother thinks so too) and no one thought I could be a vet when I asked them about it. I looked specifically at my ‘bff’ and she avoided my gaze altogether. Anyways PM me and we can talk more rather than me ranting on this one singularessage. Sorry it’s so long btw...