Depression · 2:02pm Aug 18th, 2017
I've been debating on whether I should write this or not. Eh, I'm bored, plus another YouTuber I watch has come out about depression. Might as well share it too.
One more thing before I get into it - fuck you mental health week/month, I'll talk about it when I'm ready. Also, you're no good if action isn't taken. {Done ranting about it?} yeah... {Also thinking about Chester's suicide?} That's...another thing... {And -} Anyway...onto the blog itself.
So, like I said, another YouTuber came out and said he had depression (The YouTuber in question is The Professor, from the channel Tolarian Community College), and how it affects him. He also came up with a pretty good way of describing it, as well as how he tried to manage it.
In a way, my depression also fits the analogy. {You going to explain to those of us who are either too busy, or can't be asked, to watch a 20 minute video?} I was getting to that, mental me.
So, imagine waking up, and you feel neutral. Not happy, nor sad. And this neutral is at 0. Things that make you happy adds to that number, and things that make you sad subtract from that number. After a while, if you get over something sad, or something happens when you're happy, then that will return to neutral.
For me, my "neutral" can be anywhere from +1 on a good day, to -5 on a bad day. And that my neutral for the day. So, I may feel unhappier just because my "neutral" is (say) at -2. But there's another thing with my depression. Sometimes, the further in the negatives I get, the harder it is to get back to neutral, let alone get into the +ves. Think of it as a spring that's attached to +ve infinity at one end, and my "mood" as it were at the other end. I can push the spring, and I am happier than normal. And then it returns to neutral in due time. But it's been used so much, and stretched so much, that if I pull on it, it won't come back as quickly.
However, I have found coping mechanisms that allow me to not have to see a councillor {You hate seeing them, right?} Oh yeah. It also allows me to not need medication. That strategy, is talking with friends. Talking with them, even about random shit, or depressing topics, have helped me a lot. Games and comedy too, but not as much of an effect. Those give me a "fleeting high" of happiness, good in the now, but overall not the best thing. Unless something happens in a game that keeps me happy for a while longer {Like losing turn 6 in a game of EDH because 12 of the 20 exiled cards from your deck was lands, and then a spell was cast that meant you lost the game since you couldn't block?} Exactly. 'Twas a great time. {It was. Even better was the opponents, right?} They were great too.
So yeah. Now you know how my depression kinda works. It's why some days "I'm fine" means I'm fine and happy, and other times "I'm fine" means "Help me".
One last thing before I end this blog, and write something more cheery. Depression's a bitch, especially with other mental health issues with it (in my case, anxiety and autism). Sonic out 
o rip
i had a feeling you had depression? but i didn't know the extent
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It varies, really. Luckily it's not as bad as it was...
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that's good
This pretty much describes me very well.
Same....
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4639638
The analogy in general, or the bits I added in?
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Bits you added in.
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Ahh. If you want to talk more, I'm happy to talk in DMs (either here or on Discord, Hangouts etc)
4639757
Thanks
Eh, my defaults more really happy all the time. Can't figure out if that's because I'm constantly lying to myself, or if I'm just a happy person. Anyways, sometimes I get suicidal.
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You know you can always talk to me about it *hugs*
4640660 I know! *Boop.*
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*boops back* awesome