Free Shavavado Reviews

The Time of Fate

Genre: Adventure/Human/Romance/Sad/Sci-Fi
Rating: Mature
Author: Celestial Nyx Nova
Length: 26k Words
Read: Prologue + Chapters 1-2

I will tell you right now I am no avid anime fan and from what I can tell this story is heavily influenced by anime.

For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this, we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all. Infinite in distance and unbound by death, I release your soul, and by my shoulder, protect thee.
-Pyrrha Nikos, RWBY.

 RWBY.

Well technically not anime but still heavily influenced. That didn’t turn me away from the story and it shouldn’t with you as well. All in all I think it was rather well written and from what I can tell he (or she because I was already called a misogynistic pig today ) avoided many of the anime cliches or tropes that have long since kept me from truly diving into the genre. They Didn’t avoid all of em. Enough of this preamble! Let’s dive into this fic!

We start out with our main character narrating *ding*
Goddamn Reading Sins…

We are in Detroit Michigan circa 2016. And apparently *snicker* Japan has hyper technologicalfied (pretty sure that’s a word) most if not all of Detroit.

 Detroit was one of the first cities in America, but the 4th in the entire world to have a surge of technological influx from The Big 5, or 5 of the biggest millionaires from various places around the world to invest money into Detroit. But the biggest one with the most influence had to be Japan.

I think the blood would run cold in the true hearts of the Motor city the moment Japan is their biggest benefactor. He states that due to Japan’s involvement in the reformation of detroit the city has seen a lot of change mainly on the technological side of things.

 In 10 years, we achieved what most futuristic games like Advanced Warfare did easy. And with Japan's exclusive help with Detroit, it somewhat reversed the roles of how kids were taught in school that places like China, Mexico, Brazil, and etc are taking jobs here in America. But, in that one decade, Detroit was made a place where good and high-paying jobs are born, and the best part is, for business at least, is everyone is running to us for work.

Huh… tell Japan to bring their asses to Gary Indiana… Anyways after dumping paragraphs worth of exposition on how Japan has turned Detroit for the better we start to brush up on the plot, and I must say. It’s pretty interesting
Our main character Jamir (because it isn’t said until we’re up to our necks in the abysmally long prologue) is the brother to Detroit's most notorious troll in the present but alternate universe futuristic society, Janko his lovely sister. She is the leader of the Abysmals, a gang that wants to return Detroit to it’s glory days, or like East coast and West coast beef in the 90’s, or as the author put it…

 Yet, in recent years, crime has risen and a problem not even the Detroit Police Department can handle on their own has been birthed; it's basically a repeat of the Bloods and Crips.

 a repeat of the Bloods and Crips.

Ooookay…

He continues to explain why his sister in the most abhorrent thing to walk this Earth while giving us a quote that actually made me get all existential.

Now, who do you think is the true psychopath: the uncaring sister who tortured her younger brother, by a year to near-death, or the brother that finds himself to struggling to hate, but ultimately forgives his twisted sister and still finds the sanity to love her?

Wow… Okay because I can dissect this hundreds of ways and it speaks to me since I love my fam more than life, it does strike me a little. People will say you’re equally as unhinged at the person who you believe is insane. Take Batman. Do you think that behind that super genius mind he’s sane at all. Truly only a sane man would rid the world of the joker. I’m gonna have the wrath of Batman fans rain upon me and I couldn't give less of a fck. He introduces four characters that exist inside his head I think, except for one… She’s real and she’s a Tsundere badass… You heard right a Tsundere Badass

Rin Akame was a follower of The Abysmals before she defected and joined me in trying to stop my sister. She's the only person I can call my friend that has not betrayed me. 

She was, initially, a bit cold to me at first, making me think she was a Tsundere, but she just had a major case of social anxiety and never had any friends besides me, Junko, Ai, Yuu and Snow. Rin has a hard-headed, but caring nature, willing to do what she has to, but she has trouble expressing herself, so she often acts distant even though she's not very good at it. 

Ahh… what it must be like to be a weeb… Also I know you’ve noticed it if you read or if you’re just reading over the quoted sections but jesus man! It’s called a sentence. In that last quote I only counted two!

She was, initially, a bit cold to me at first, making me think she was a Tsundere, but she just had a major case of social anxiety and never had any friends besides me, Junko, Ai, Yuu and Snow. 

Rin has a hard-headed, but caring nature, willing to do what she has to, but she has trouble expressing herself, so she often acts distant even though she's not very good at it.

You have an awesome flow but those commas start to weigh on you when you’re reading because they don't indicate a full stop. If I were to write something, say like this, and add nothing but commas throughout it, it would eventually trip up the reader because he or she is expecting for it to stop instead of continually going on without any clear indication of an end in sight, kind of like that, you see?

So I feel kind of bad but then again I don’t because the prologue was just so damn tedious. Basically at the end they get into a fight where he Rin Snow Ai and Yuu are somehow thrust into Equestria where the first pony they come in contact with is Daring doo. I just stopped it there because the prologue was the longest and still is the longest chapter to date! I understand worldbuilding and setting up characters and it’s kind of funny but in the author’s note he says

 And also, I am touching up on the backstory in this because I do not want to info dump, at least not in the right way, right away, so expect it to be developed throughout the chapters.

Are you sure about that because the last 6k words just dumped that Everest’s amount of exposition onto my chest. And you read right. The prologue is exactly 6,222 words! Like I said you have to build a word I get that but this works off way better as a chapter one instead of an introduction to where the first half you’re just telling about how Detroit is a haven for technology and gentrification.

I almost didn’t want to read on because that took the excitement away for me. I don't know how others work but when I get introduced to lore I would like to figure it out and interpret it on my own. How would’ you feel if you saw the First ever theater showing of the Empire Strikes back and the dude before you tells you that Vader is Luke’s father? That’s how I felt with this prologue. It was long, quite frankly boring, and it ruined (for me) the setup to what could have been gradually revealed as the story progressed.

I did read on though and much to my dismay the chapter after wasn’t really that exciting either. Don’t get me wrong; this story doesn’t have to be exciting to be good. This entire chapter just… look

''Bullshit.'' I called, Daring whinnying. ''Not to you, just the things you do. Nowadays, where I come from, treasure hunting isn't as black and white as some of the movies I've watched portrayed it. Something truly hard is being tortured for 10 days on end, being subjected to starvation, hallucinations, severe allergic reactions, being attacked by rabid wolves, or being beat to the point where you can't remember basic facts about yourself. Now that. That...is hard,'' I crushed her hopes of thinking what she does is any more dangerous or horrible than what I went through, it just wasn't as immediate or lasting.

Did you see that entire wall of dialogue? And it was just talking about what happened to him the last chapter where he was tortured by his sister for ten endless days. I know I didn’t highlight it because it got lost in the rest of the exposition!

Also Jamir is kind of an asshole but hey what main anime character isn’t… And yeah I keep falling back on anime since this is obviously influenced by it and now I’m starting to feel like that. Don’t bandwagon with me I think this is a damn good story with excellent direction and a good idea… but there can be too much of a good thing. The main problem is (and I know I keep beating this dead bloody pulpy mess that was once a horse.   Aw shit! Sorry flutters…. *pets* )

Antyway… *ahem* THE ANIME INFLUENCE. One reason why I am not an avid anime watcher is because of how tedious and drawn out they can become. The dialogue the fight’s and even the character development can take years to come to fruition. On one side that also gives you years to watch your favorite characters grow and learn about themselves just as you are and that can be the most amazing thing to experience. On the other hand certain tropes, stories, and dialogue can become boring and the bad kind of cliche.

Take Dragon ball for example. They have a run to rival the Simpsons: from the original Dragon ball in the 80s till Dragon ball Super. I am one of the biggest DB fanboys ever but I don't watch super and you wanna know why? They've done it before. The transformations, the fight’s the villain now has respect for the protagonist, hell they even rebooted future Trunks.

How does this pertain to this story Free Shavacado??

Well siddown son. Pappa’s gonna learnya I am afraid that if I read any further than the second chapter it will become just like those anime’s I used to love. Boring and tedious with too much jammed into them to make the illusion that they are interesting. And after the exposition tidal wave of the prologue I thought I’d get more of the environment instead of Daring Do telling the tale of her people.

''It's the fabled, legendary item of a infamous tyrant, Maria Black. You see, She had a mystic item given to her by a lesser Dragon Lady before she became evil and almost caused the destruction of Equestria. Raza-Tak-Taurus, a fierce General in The Great Dragon War against the Zebras and Equestria. She gave Maria the Alicorn Amulet after Starswirl The Bearded warned her that it would corrupt Maria. But Raza didn't listen, She was one of the few who saw potential in Maria to use her magic for good, even after she turned evil. I was hired by Starswirl's late great niece, Graceful Wind, to get back what her great-grandfather set out to destroy. ''

I mean dayum! How about your medical history, social security number, and your check stubs? And this is just one of many of the paragraphs where it is only on character talking for what feels like 20 minutes… What? You expected me to say eternity? Pshh! Hyperboles are for chumps!.

I know I am harping on it for this but it just sucked all of the excitement out of the story for me. If I wanted to read about people standing around talking I would google the scripts for the first few seasons of red vs. blue.

Now don’t let all of that negativity sway you to avoid this story. Remember I am a reviewer, I am only telling you my opinion of this story, you do not have to agree with me. If this is your kind of thing then by all means! Go and give it a read! It is pretty interesting at the start and it could be interesting all the way through but for me, I lost interest quickly for the aforementioned reasons awwwwwllll the way up thar ^^^^

Verdict: Even though it was a tough decision…. Recommended (only just)

Yes you all clearly see my disdain for how long and boring the chapters are to me, but all in all it does have what a good story needs.The saving grace for this story is how well written it is. You can tell that the author clearly put some polish with an added spit shine to it even if  the characters aren’t exactly memorable. I mean we have the broken asshole with a heart of gold, his rough around the edges friend who he might end up fking at some point and three little helpers; the Exuberant one, the reserved and serious one, and the shy but powerful one. But if you can see past the problems it is one of the decent HIE’s I’ve read and being on here for as long as I have; hohohoho, you had better know I’ve read some terrible trite crap!

Story Grade: C (7/10)

~Free Shavacado