- Member Since 18th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen 20 hours ago
Ultimus Pendragon
I am but a soldier of the pen, with the grace of a dragon. . .unraveling fiction, one story at a time.
Ultimus Pendragon
Joined 18th Feb, 2015 ·
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Hmm... You have my attention! Activating the tracking beacon!
7275488 Appreciate it, good sir. I thought it was time for the rebirth of Rising Hope, and this is its child that has had time to grow (about a year now, but I never started actually doing it.)
Makes sense, and I look forward to the coming chapters!
You don't mind if I make a Video Reading of this story?
7275781 Go right ahead, I would love nothing more than that. Is the prologue really that good to you, though?
A radical gang called The Abysmals. They're pretty much a band of people who wants to screw over the world in which we love.
Live
She is a sadistic, manipulating, back-stabbing bitch that let a hospital of patients, mostly pregnant woman burn down the street from The Cadillac Building just to prove a point.
pretty sure this should be 'manipulative'
She is a true manifestation of
allthe 7 deadly sinsaltogether into one person.This one feels abit awkward maybe try it this way?
Not only is Junko my sister, but she has [been] and still is trying to get me to join The Abysmals. If you don't already know, my sister is number 1 on The Most Wanted list. And for years, she's been
repeatedly given[giving] the authorities the slip.Yet, she doesn't get through all she's done, we can never go back to how things were.
can you rephrase that for me?
Why you make Jamir so weak?
7275928 A radical gang called The Abysmals. They're pretty much a band of people who wants to screw over the world in which we love.
That could be live, but I intended for it to be love, but thank you.
She is a sadistic, manipulating, back-stabbing bitch that let a hospital of patients, mostly pregnant woman burn down the street from The Cadillac Building just to prove a point.
Manipulative could be in place of that, I can see that.
She is a true manifestation of all the 7 deadly sins altogether into one person.
If doesn't necessarily feel awkward, but perhaps if you think of someone who angrily say this might work.
Not only is Junko my sister, but she has [been] and still is trying to get me to join The Abysmals. If you don't already know, my sister is number 1 on The Most Wanted list. And for years, she's been repeatedly given the authorities the slip.
Yet, she doesn't get through all she's done, we can never go back to how things were.
I could rephrase it for you. Beside those little things, what do you think of the prologue?
7275974 He's not that weak, but not trying to go for a Gary Stu. He'll have a true moment to shine, but I have to build upon it.
7275992
A radical gang called The Abysmals. They're pretty much a band of people who wants to screw over the world
in whichwe love.Try that then
I'm sorry to say this but after that last, err correction(?), I had to stop reading for abit normally grammar stuff doesn't get to me and this isn't even that bad but I couldn't keep going here.
I planned on coming back later, to see what it was about. But I can't say yet sorry. Hope you keep writing so when I do come back there's plenty to think about.
7276168 Kinda of sorry to hear that. So besides grammar, in your opinion; the story's prologue; what do you think of it?
That... truly is a horrific way to die....
7276233 True, I cannot imagine that happening to anyone. No matter what they did.
7275802 I like the prologue, but obviously someone has to disagree, I do these things to promote and help others along the way.
Alos it's fun!
HAHA Imagine Breaker, I was watching that last night too (Toaru Majutsu no Index)
7277210 Thanks. Glad someone got the reference behind the chapter. By the way? what's your take on me doing that? Using anime references to provide comparison to my character's situations?
7277216 I welcome the fact that you take your time doing anime references and coming up with new ones. I like it, honest.
Dang, that was intense! Hate to get on Rin's bad side!
I'll still give this new version try, but I still wish you would had finish original series first. Do to the fact Jamri was not a push over from the first story.
7290361 Thanks for that, I promise not to disappoint. But I felt Jamir was tad overpowered too easy. Though in this version, it's no so much as him being overpowered, but there are limits to what he can do without causing serious injury to himself. Plus, he himself is about average in what he can do, but I am trying to balance out power for something more pratical, like being a tactician most of the time rather than a straight out fighter. May I ask what you think so far of the story? Anything in particular you like?
So Daring has a Unicorn and two Thestrals (aka Bat Ponies) in her team... That is actually a good set up! You have a Magic user and two ponies that make excellent night sentries, though I have a feeling Blank does most of the butt kicking because of that armor while Echo prefers to not fight, (reminds me of Fluttershy actually....) But I have a feeling that Jamir and his group will be meeting the Mane 6 later in the story....
7295670 Trust me, they will and won't in a sense. A way I can put it without spoiling it for you is that it will be in a rather unconventional way, the rest is up to you.
Why is this story rated Mature?
7296045 For references/slight scenes of Sex without really being there. Plus, language; some curse words are used, though not in excess.
Onward to the Crystal Empire then... but that was way too easy... something doesn't smell right...
7319382 You can say that again. Just make sure that you keep a keen eye out on the next chapter, trust me, you'll want to.
I don't like his sister. Mature little brother shouldn't go through that.
7322049 It'll make sense as to why later on, but Junko is kinda like the female version of Hellboy in the fashion of being a Anti-Hero, not being good or bad, just doing that which suits her needs and helps her goals be realized. And putting her brother through all that neglect, hurt and ridicule was part of that process. So may I ask your thoughts on the story so far?
7322112 Wow cool pictures and the story is very excellent.
Hello good sir and or ma'am. I am a trial reviewer from Reviewer's Cafe
I chose your story to be my first review and I will have you know that I am 100% in what I say and I stand by it no matter what. If you want to read the review how's about you direct your clicker Here
IT LIVES!
8725000
Yes, it does. Thoughts on this chapter?
8725038
Very well written as always, the poachers were definitely a monkey wrench thrown into their plans.
Although Daring's method of getting others to talk seems a bit... drastic...
This just happen huh?
Yeah. Starlight would tear these two apart, if she was so inclined.
8725302
Hey, thanks for the comment. Do you have any thoughts on the chapter or story so far?
It happens, lol
I shall give this a read.
Awesome story. If you don't mind me asking, Why is it on Hiatus?
9086476
Taking some time to fix a few things in the chapter that I wanted to get a second opinion on, and now I'm working on it. Should be done in the next few days, cause I have so many things I'm working on, but I am glad to see you like it. Might I emplore you to look my other story, All For One?
9088168
sure, only if you give me some comments on my new story. I've been told it was going in a good direction, but I'm afraid I lack certain... vocabulary. care to help me out? I'll gladly read your story anyways! (ps it's still in moderation, let me send you the first two chapters via Pm)
9088204
sure
I just couldnt get into it man. Im hooked on the old version sorry.
9144318
Why not? What turns you away?
Actually, if you are going with Starlights old village, this would be impossible. It was established only a couple of months before the Mane 6 arrived. Unless you are having her go there is this short window of time.
9241504
I see your point, but I wasn't thinking about that in reference to my story and this plot point. Should have made it clear that this is a loose take on the canon of the show's events, and I can understand wanting to keep it consistent if you're doing a story that revovles around the show, but I'm going to put a alternate universe tag on this because the way things are going kinda needs things to seem out of order, but it will be explain why. But thank you so much for your comment, can I ask if this was the only chapter you read or if not, what you think about the story so far?
Ooooh shit....
Jamir's gonna be beyond fucking pissed...
I can't wait!
10574004
Yea, that will be a sight to see, but also Rin has her own reasoning for going against what he wanted, but don’t think that she won’t have some kind of reprimand for this.
Is it just me or does the description sound like the Amphibia end movie and finale, yes I get this came first, but it didn't finish first.