Sex Madness (1938) · 6:46pm Feb 14th, 2017
February 14th to us it's known as Valentine's Day. The pony equivalent would be Hearts & Hooves Day. Both days exist so that couples can show their affection and all that jazz. That's why everything skyrockets in price on that day. Radio announcers hock flowers and strawberries while jewelry stores run their own ads.
Around here we have this one guy whose ads are really annoying. He acts like he has this call in show and some guy will call up and say what he wants to get his girlfriend. The guy then acts somewhat surprised and then drops the bombshell that the guy's girlfriend is on the other line. Of course she doesn't want what the guy was going to get her she wants jewelry. Then the sales guy launches into his ad.
Every holiday it's the same thing but this time around some of the gifts the guys were going to get were actually pretty good ideas. Personally I wouldn't turn down a massage chair, a robotic vacuum cleaner or a video game console. I mean, if the girl played it right she could sit down in the chair after a long day at work, let the damn robot clean the house and watch Netflix on her console. But no, she wants polished rocks that she'll wear a few times before dumping them in the box with all the other stuff. I've seen it before.
But I digress, at least the vacuum cleaner one ended with a line that allowed me to make a joke. "Get her a gift that doesn't suck," says the sales guy. To which I added, "Because otherwise she won't."
Ah well I guess it's all the product of the day. Hey, did you know that you can't spell Valentine's Day without V D? Well strap yourselves in folks because Sex Madness is here to tell you all about the harrowing effects that syphilis can have on you.
Sex Madness is a 1938, "Let them know" story about a bunch of "young" people who get up to 1930's hi-jinx. In other words they go to burlesque shows, giggle a bunch, and then take the dancer girls back to a party that leads to everyone getting the one thing that could bring down Al Capone faster than not paying his income taxes.
The main plot of the movie focuses on Millicent Hamilton (Vivian McGill) one of the burlesque dancers who has syphilis and is going to the doctor to get treated. She's embarrassed about the whole thing and tells her story as to how it was she contracted the disease (she was an "entertainer" if you know what I mean). She gets treatment but things get complicated for her when she returns home and her long time steady boyfriend wants to get married and nuzzle a bunch. Suffice it to say he's in for a surprise that he never saw coming.
Sex Madness isn't a good movie. The acting is overly theatric and the editing has much to be desired. I also have the feeling that the copy I saw was missing portions which cause the film to jump more than it should have. Even though it's not a good movie it is kind of fun and in its own way does have a decent message of, "Tell your kids about the birds and the bees parents and for goodness sake tell them about the sort of diseases they can pick up while out there." It's just the delivery that has much to be desired.
Stats: 1 dead body, numerous "young people" with the disease, 1 leering guy who looks kind of like Billy Bob Thornton, 2 sore covered legs, theatrical fu, lesbian fu, party fu, drinking fu.
Shoutouts: Linda Lee Hill as Sheila Wayne the ultimate party girl for the line, "Bed? That's not for rest, that's for action."
The stage manager for the line, "You won't have to do anything 'wrong.' Just be nice and entertaining."
Vivian McGill as Millicent for handling her role about as well you'd expect given the film quality.
No trailer.
This sounds like the perfect VD flick.
err, wait.
Ah the gift that keeps on giving.
4431082 It gives ever so much! It's like the Santa Claus of STDs.
4430724 Depending on what VD is standing for... you may be more right than you know!