Where I've gone wrong with this bloody story · 8:51pm Sep 24th, 2012
Well, as some of you know, I've been writing a story (and putting off continuing it) for about 2 months now. "The Sunset Fantasy" isn't really that great, and I believe I need to assess what I'm doing wrong.
First off, as both Bronymaster and kk have said, my prose tends to run off. This is especially true in the very first paragraph. So a focus on controlling my sentences, and not allowing them to run off, would benefit me, methinks.
But two other, much more grave errors I believe I've committed are in the story's focus. I believe I veer off negatively not once, but TWICE!
1. Fluttershy's other form: I have Fluttershy go through something "special" at sunset (no spoilers), and yet I so far have had no chapters where I've focused on that. Why, Not Worthy, WHY? You have this bea--I mean "special occasion" and you don't showcase either the power or the suffering behind it?
2. Fluttershy and Trixie: I've received some confusion as to whether or not Trixie is a good character or a villainess; I believe I know which one she'll be in the end, but I won't say it. Anyway, that's not my problem. My problem is that there's a very strained relationship between them, and yet I focus my efforts on Fluttershy's interactions in the town? How lame is that, Not Worthy?
Also, my world-building isn't all that great. There should be alot more panic than what I have, methinks.
So I believe, besides doubling my efforts to control prose, that I should definitely expand and refocus this story. There's probably a myriad of other stuff I could change, but none immediately jump out at me.
So I created a boring story. X( Story of my life. Any of you guys have any other gripes you want to tell me about/beat into my head? I'd be happy to hear about them.
Obviously, we'll have to have words later, heh. Try not to be so harsh on yourself, mate!