Serious blog post is serious. · 11:25pm Sep 19th, 2012
First off, random downvoters and trollestia's can look away now. I appreciate your patronage in keeping the humor up, but I also understand you dislike serious blog posts, so just a early warning should you continue to read.
With that out of the way, let us get down to business.
Dear watchers, readers and friends,
I have been back with FIMFiction for a fair week or two. I have pondered the idea of coming out and explaining in detail what caused me to originally depart the site and various other places in general. At first, I was hesitant. Many of you took my explanation to heart and understood. I saw no objections, nor no comments suggesting I continue my work, so I honestly believed that everything was set for me to rework my life. A day ago, after finishing the work for Jon, I started to think back on what led me to that point and what caused me to return. Oddly enough, it was the same reason that caused me to leave in the first place.
As many of you may be aware, I deleted my youtube channel. I was a youtube partner and I had access to an insane amount of features due to my channel life. I had formed it way back in 2004, and because of that, I had retained many privileges. The reason for this, to start with my full explanation, was because of the channel itself and the videos I had favorited and watched. It reminded me of many events in previous years that I do not care to relive, nor that I cared to reemerge myself in again. So, a few days after the announcement on FIMFiction, I deleted the channel. When asked why I was doing so, I simply gave the answer "it didn't work out". I thought on those words for a few more days.
During my absence and subsequent departure, I went through various trails and emotional situations. The most recent of which was the death of a friend. His cause of death sparked something inside me, particularly because I could be prone to the same issue. I will not go into further detail, but needless to say this event along with the return of the "urge" to reinvest in my life again sparked me to recontact my editor, Avorin, and he eventually gave me the courage to write short stories again.
Now, onto the reason why I left.
I'm sure that there are people out there who believe the reason why I deleted my story and left was because of an issue with the individuals within the Chess Game of the Gods group. I'm stating this simply because a certain individual, who shall not be named due to a resolved situation, asked me about it. At the time, I was very closed up concerning communication and I gave him a simple "No it wasn't" as an answer. This seemed to satisfy him, however I feel it necessary now to go further into detail for my own personal benefit, if not others who may be curious.
The honest to heaven reason why I deleted my story was not because of any person, place or thing. It was not out of protest, nor a statement against anyone. It was basically because, in all truth, I didn't believe for one second it fit within that group. Despite the constant encouragement from Avorin (whom which I shall formally apologize to now for not listening) I believed firmly that the quality of work I presented did not reach up to par with the work being presented in the group. I further felt that the idea I had at the time had become obsolete and worthless. The story I wanted to tell became a challenge to keep up with the work of the other people, and in the end I felt I was impeding the progress of that group rather than my own. This statement can be proven by me totally distancing myself from the group and its awesome writers before my time of absence.
I simply did not feel my writing fit nor did it deserve to be there. I felt I was taking away attention, when all these other more capable up-and-coming and veteran authors had more wonderful, capable and inspiring stories to present. In the end, a hard dose of depression sealed the deal, and thus began my spiral to the point of the absence.
My departure was not because of anything but that depression. I had gone so deep into it that my thoughts bode me ill. I was becoming sick from the constant struggle to maintain my appearance and my body was suffering for my dysfunction. That was when the feeling it. Call it God or nature, I care not, but it hit, and *hard*. It was a wake up call. Before this event, I had been living day to day suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. I was burdened from prior events, years ago, that literally sunk their teeth into me and wouldn't let go. I did not know how to deal with them and as such, I attempted to face them head on, with horrible results. The feeling itself inspired me to close off all communication with said memories, whether it sites like this linking to things from the past such as writing, and rethink myself in the big picture.
I spent a long, hard time praying and trying to figure things out. I'll be honest, I still haven't figured them out fully, but what I've come to understand now is that these events happened, the people affected by these events are not coming back or, in the case of two, I have very little to no control over and I simply need to step back and stop worrying so much. I live in a world where there are millions, if not billions of people suffering far worse than I ever could. I am blessed to be where I am at and that had to be my strength, knowing that with those blessing I could also bless others. So that thought, that train of purpose, helped me from that pit.
It took a few weeks but, eventually, I came to an understanding with myself and accepted my condition and my state in life. I could not blame myself for being impaired, nor could I blame anyone else for the loss of life I've experienced. I simply needed to have closure. Once I had that, during those few weeks, I put the past away and began again.
So here I am, now, typing this to you, already feeling a bit more light burdened from these issues. I felt it was simply time to go into whatever detail I could, however cryptic it may be, to allow an understanding to come to place. Some of you remember the words from my last chapter release in Fatum Fortis Vocat. The one about needing to rethink my life and to take my time indulging myself in things, such as ponies. I'll admit now that this part, concerning the ponies, was a flat out lie and excuse for me to feel vindicated about my enticement. I just didn't want to fully explain, so I came up with whatever I could at the time during my moment of distress to explain things.
The part about faith, however, was true. What wasn't true was that my story, nor being a brony, came between God and myself. It never did. What came between my faith and myself was me and my issues. I had to sort them out, as explained further above, and in doing so felt comfortable with returning.
I accept that some of you are angry with me for my reasons. I also understand that some more may be upset at me making excuses and lying to you. I ask your forgiveness for this, for you few were the ones that supported me originally and I did nothing but let you down. I fully understand why you may wish to have nothing further to do with my writings and myself as an author, and wish you good fortune and many blessings.
To those few who do wish to remain, I will promise you this just as I promised Avorin. I will never again allow my situations to derail my writings nor cause me to completely loose it to the point I take away from you, the watcher, something you enjoy reading. It was completely selfish of me and I deeply apologize. I tried to make up for this, at first, by doing short stories (as you may be aware recently) for those friends who remained. This was not enough and, quite simply, was a stupid reason to do them in the first place. I apologize to Jon and Toor in full and hope we shall remain friends.
Concerning those stories, most of you noted they included sexual situations. Yes, I did that on purpose, not specifically because it was requested, but because I honestly wanted to try my hand at it. I cannot promise I won't do any further stories with such topics, but I can promise it won't be a full out "clop-fic". As you may be aware, both stories really cannot be described as "clop" simply because of the way it is written. It truly takes away from the experience for those...respected individuals who derive pleasure from it. I cannot make any excuses that it may or may not infringe on my beliefs, but I can honestly state it was something I wanted to do.
Any future stories I have already stated to make, specifically for two individuals who suggested ideas, I will continue to do so. They will, however, more than likely be different and context and dealing with an extensive story line instead of a short story format. I hope I will be able to satisfy your reading needs with these, as well as make the individuals who requested them through their ideas happy with them.
On a final note, as stated in my chapter before leaving, I did start on a non-pony version of Fatum Fortis Vocat. I got a pretty good ways into it before I realized something. It lacked ponies (darn ponies). To rectify this, I would like to announce that Fatum Fortis Vocat will be making a return. However, due to my belief I no longer belong in the Chess Game of the Gods group or universe, it will be separate from it. The characters described therein, such as the self-placement of myself and others, will more likely make a return. The theme of the story will probably be darker, as it already is written out in the non-pony format, and have little to do with the actual Equestrian universe itself (so I will not seem to be trying to nudge my way back into the aforementioned group) and instead concentrate on a select few of the Mane Six and probably Luna and Celestia. The rest will be redone from its non-pony format, turned over into the story, and thereby posted later on so you may properly understand the subject matter.
I appreciate your time and thank you for reading this. Blessings upon you all and thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
-Travis
P.S. The reason why I changed my channel name is because my youtube account was deleted. Since that channel, with the name Drakomis, was deleted, I decided to bring in another one of my character names (Kromulus Regulus) and play on that for a while. Ergo, channel change. I apologize for the inconvenience.
P.P.S. I am currently working on a Star Trek crossover and will soon start on a Star Wars crossover soon. The reworking of Fatum Fortis Vocat will take place in between these two stories. Short Stories will take priority for the time being to refresh my writing skills and, if possible, provide amusement and enjoyment for either people who made requests and/or readers themselves.
Huzzah.....
well... that was quite a few words there.
You are a great man, Kromulus. I'm glad you're back here. You were the one who gave me support in starting a story. It's great to have you back, buddy.
370317
Reading this alone gives me goosebumps. I thank you for that compliment. I'm glad I was able to give you that support, and I will gladly continue to do so. If you need anything, feel free to give me a message.
370330 Roger that. Over and out.