The Buttery Snake Show: The Dislike Button

“Buttery Snake here…I know, two shows in the same week. I need to get paid more…but I’m here with a special bulletin from Unwhole Hole himself. Or herself, I guess you can’t see…um…it.”
The camera panned to Unwhole Hole, partially swallowed by an overstuffed armchair.
“That’s right buttery. Today I would like to talk about the dislike button.”
“WAIT A MINUTE! I know where this is going!”
“You…do?”
“Of course I do. You finally wrote a story that completely bombed, and now you’re all mad because so many people disliked it and want to complain to everyone because you’re totally butthurt.”
“Um, no. Of course not.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Yes, I did write a story that bombed. To all my fans…fan…I apologize for the catastrophic failure that is ‘Four Yellow’, which currently is peaking at 10 views with 4 dislikes. Yes, that’s right. Almost half of the people who read it disliked it.”
“And one liked it,” added Buttery Snake.
“Yes. One did. Thank you, one. But that’s not what I came here to say. What I came here to do is vent about how the dislike button is just about the worst possible feedback systems imaginable.”
“Don’t say that too loud. We don’t want a ban.”
“True. But it still holds true. Let’s use ‘Four’ as an example. It has a ton of dislikes- -but the problem is, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY PEOPLE DISLIKE IT.”
“Why don’t you just read their minds, like I do?”
“I tried. There was a lot of clopping. It wasn’t pleasant. I jest. But that’s exactly the problem. My story is bad. I can admit that, and I know I’m not a great author. I’m a generic okay-grade author. But I’m trying to get better. The dislike button is not conducive to that.”
“How so?”
“Because I have no idea what to fix. Maybe it’s bad editing. That’s a problem I know I have, mostly because I don’t know anyone who actually likes proofreading.”
“Or anyone at all. You have no friends.”
“Time and a place, Buttery. It could be editing, or maybe there’s a character they don’t like? An idiosyncrasy in the way I write that is really grating to most people? Did people not realize that it is a direct sequel and you have to read the first one first? I have no idea! I have to keep guessing! You have no idea how frustrating this is…”
“Well, I don’t see why that’s a problem. A dislike is a dislike.”
“True, and that might be true for actually good authors. But I’m trying to improve. I can’t make better stories unless you, the readers, tell me what I did wrong.”
“So, what would you suggest?”
“Comments. Comments, comments, comments. Even short ones. Just yell at me, I clearly need it. The problem is, the feedback system that FimiFiction uses leans toward people just pushing an unhelpful button. A different site that I use- -”
“Oh. You mean THAT site. The one we’re not allowed to name here?”
“Yes, that one. Over there, the feedback style is comment-driven. You can’t just hit a button, and everybody knows that. If you post something, you get at least a few comments that either scream at you, offer suggestions, or make jokes. It isn’t like that here, not for small stories. I get maybe one comment per story, and it’s never from the people who hated what they read.”
“But then wouldn’t people just criticize you? That might hurt your feelings.”
“I don’t have feelings. Well, I do. One is called hungry and the other is called tired. And this dislike button…it is making me tired. And slightly peckish.”
“So what would you recommend?”
“I would recommend that before you hit that dislike button- -not just for me, but for any story you read- -just stop and think for a moment about why you didn’t like that story. What turned you off? What was the exact moment when you said ‘I’m done with this’? Take that thought, and just write a sentence down at the bottom. You only need one. It would help infinitely.”
“Weird that you’re posting a public service announcement on a blog-post that nobody ever reads.”
“I read it.”
“No you don’t.”
“You’re right. I don’t.”
Unwhole Hole sat back, and Buttery Snake turned toward the camera.
“Well, you heard it here, folks! Unwhole Hole is a huge whiner! And possibly a git…whatever that means…”
“Hey!”
“Join us next time for…something…maybe…”