HUZZAH! FIXED COMPUTER! · 3:38am Sep 13th, 2012
With absolutely no background knowledge on laptops, I managed to take it apart and put it back together, fixing (probably temporarily) the problem!
Apparently, one of the drives' wires was disconnected, and I sorta just put it back on with the help of some tape. It'll probably melt, but my computer is screwed anyway so why not. Beats writing with the phone.
- Inb4 it explodes