Tales From the Crypt (1972) · 8:46am Apr 30th, 2016
I said I'd speak about alicorns and so I shall. If there was ever an argument to be made against the rule of alicorns I think that the ponies of Equestria could make a clear and decisive case for it. It's not that they've generally meant ill will toward their subjects, it's just that they don't really do anything worthy of their lofty status as rulers.
Princesses Celestia and Luna really haven't done much on their own. If it weren't for the magical dinguses of Harmony they wouldn't have been able to accomplish whatever holding actions they put in place on Discord, Sombra, Tirek, etc. In fact, one could argue that if it weren't for said elements the sisters wouldn't have even been able to accomplish that much.
Truth be told those holding actions didn't actually solve anything because those issues arose a thousand or so years later and it was up to less impressive ponies to take up the fight and defeat the villains. In fact Nightmare Moon, Sombra and Discord were all ultimately defeated by the B-squad.
This means then that surely Princess Celestia must have added to the education of her subjects right? I mean if external affairs aren't your forte then you focus internally and leave the other stuff to better equipped individuals. Not really.
Princess Celestia is over 1000 years old and knows next to nothing about dragons, hadn't bothered to update or send ponies to update the tomes on Griffons, can't negotiate a peace agreement with the Yaks, doesn't take the time to figure out where exactly the stampeding grounds are so that when she finally does send settlers out that way there isn't wasted pie, and can't defeat inclement weather even though she has the power of the sun.
Princess Cadence fairs a bit better. With the help of her husband she has been able to stop a changeling invasion and with the additional aid of a purple unicorn and her dragon friend defeated Sombra. In fact that pretty much puts her ahead of the Sun mare on the getting stuff done list. The only problem is that she birthed a Hell spawn that can destroy the empire if not the world. So, that's sort of demerit.
Finally Princess Twilight Sparkle. Most of her accomplishments came as a unicorn and required the aid of her friends. Well, when a bunch of folks band together they do tend to accomplish more than when one stands alone. Even so, as a princess she's spent more time being the typical librarian than anything else. She did defeat Tirek but, maybe she could have done so by crossing the streams with the other alicorns or something when he was just a minor threat and chucking him into a volcano, but I digress.
Another downside of Twilight's is that she's really not the strongest magic user. Starlight Glimmer went hoof to hoof with her and was "only" a unicorn. She also had an unusually difficult time figuring out that Cadence was pregnant. Just saying.
In the end I think the regular old ponies of Equestria could handle their own affairs for the most part. They don't really need some winged unicorns directing them. Once they have the tools and the resolve they could probably solve any and all of the issues that stand before them. Heck, they wouldn't really even need Celestia to move the sun and or moon. I'm sure they could make it work out in the end. After all they figured out how to make things work before Alicorn intervention seemed to dumb them down.
Speaking of weird little dudes who don't seem to do anything but sure seem to control a whole bunch, The Crypt Keeper seems to control the fates of people quite easily. Whether it was in the comics, television show or the various movies, he seems to know just what's going to happen to folks well before they do.
In this movie five strangers take a wrong turn during a tour of an ancient Crypt. They meet up with the Crypt Keeper who then tells each of them how they died. The stories are some of the more popular ones from the original comic series. In fact the first one "And All Through the House" was used redone on the television show.
The movie itself is sort of a precursor to stuff like Creepshow and Grim Prairie Tales. It boasts an excellent cast that does the best it can with its material and the limited time they have to act out their tales. All in all it's an interesting movie to see a movie that inspired a lot of the horror anthologies that came later. Plus, it's also kind of interesting to see Sir Ralph Richardson as the Crypt Keeper.
Stats: eight dead bodies, head bashing, strangling, stabbing, car crashing, dog mauling, hanging, heart fu, ouija fu, zombie fu, sword fu, guts fu, razor fu, and British fu.
Shout Outs:
Joan Collins as the murderous wife who has to try and cover her tracks and keep the door locked from the psycho outside.
Ian Hendry who needed instead of attempting to Get Carter decides to get some tail instead. Which leads to explosive results.
Peter Cushing as a kind dustman who is driven to an untimely end.
Nigel Patrick as Major William Rogers who runs a home for the blind and doesn't see his own end coming.
Ralph Richardson as The Crypt Keeper for frankly just being a really good actor even in the small roles.
Why is it that wrong turns always lead to death?
3907150
Because:
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3907385 HA! Indeed
3907150 Well, it's an old twist. However, I've seen where it worked out the other way where the wrong turn actually worked out for the best. There was an episode of The Simpsons where Bart joins a version of the cub scouts and Homer gets his raft lost from the rest of the scouts. They end up getting hungry but also end up at a Krusty Burger on an old Oil platform. The other scouts go through stuff like Deliverance and Friday the 13th.
Let's also not forget how Wrong Turn can make most small children leave the room pretty quickly. So there are good wrong turns too!