• Member Since 17th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2018

SuperKamek


I'm ded lol. Fuck you, bronies.

More Blog Posts724

Apr
18th
2016

[Metacritic Monday] Stardew Valley · 3:17pm Apr 18th, 2016

Harvest Moon Simulator.

Hello everyone! My name is SuperKamek and welcome back to another episode of "Metacritic Monday", where I bitch and complain about people who bitch and complain. Hey look, the show's on a Monday today! Hurray! Now if only I can keep this schedule up, eh? But that's honestly the least of my problems right now. You see, there's this game called "Stardew Valley" that I've been playing recently...

Please, please, PLEASE take note that I will not be ripping apart reviews that are actually legit. If someone dislikes a game for a reason, I'm all okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is false information, like those stupid "0/10" reviews you find sometimes. Also take note that this is for entertainment and comedy purposes only, so I will be exaggerating a few points I make. So, without further ado, let's delve into Metacritic Monday!


Stardew Valley is a beautiful game. There's really no other way to say it! From the bright colors to the sheer amount of things you can do, it has honestly become one of my favorite PC games ever of this year, perhaps matching the hit that was Undertale. Now I did unfortunately play it on a friend's PC, so I don't have the full experience in my head. But from what I did play I absolutely loved with every bit of my heart. It was just that good.

Too bad not everyone thinks so! And if you don't like the game, that's fine. But I have been saying this for ages; do NOT use your own opinions for your argument. You can use them to back your argument up, which is totally fine, but using them as your actual argument can be misleading and make a lot of people upset. So grab your scythes and pickle your vegetables, because we're going into the spiritual successor no one wanted but now everyone loves.

Mostly everyone.


What's on the chopping block today, eh?

I'm shocked.
- Graphics are pre-historic and the 2D sprites are "ok" at best.
- Sounds and music are very basic and have MIDI quality.
- Characters are bland and lack personality.
- The gameplay mechanics are boring and repetitive. The combat mechanics is ridiculously uncreative. I felt insulted.
The gameplay in general, lack any depth. Everything is a chore, and due poor time management mechanics, it's impossible to not be stressed by this game, And if you want to gift those bland NPCs, be prepared for more stressful time trying to catch them.

And about the story, well, I'm afraid I can't really complete a review because after the first year I stopped playing and deleted this game. Only the thought of going trough all this again was too much for me.

I can't think of anything but give this game a solid 0.

Hahaha... Okay, mate.

I'm shocked.

As is everyone who read your review.

- Graphics are pre-historic and the 2D sprites are "ok" at best.

Graphics don't make a game, mate. Besides, have you SEEN how well animated those sprites are? We've certainly come a long way since Final Fantasy VI, and even still that game is amazing.

- Sounds and music are very basic and have MIDI quality.

Fuck you.

- Characters are bland and lack personality.

Look who's talking.

- The gameplay mechanics are boring and repetitive.

Then do something else.

No, I'm dead serious! There is SO much to do in this game, it's not even funny. Tired of farming for the week? Try playing a mini-game with the townsfolk. Having problems with the cave slimes? Go fishing, talk to people, and do whatever else you can do in the game. That's one of Stardew Valley's greatest strengths; there is so much unlocked to you by the beginning of the game.

The combat mechanics is ridiculously uncreative.

Well gee, could it be that, oh... IT'S A FUCKING FARMING GAME?!?!?!

I felt insulted.

As did everyone else who read this god-awful example of human stupidity.

The gameplay in general, lack any depth.

Okay, poor grammar aside, the hell is up with that comma in the middle there? What, did you just forget to remove it while making your "Oh-so-serious" speech about how this game is terrible?

I, feel, insulted.

:derpytongue2:

Everything is a chore,

...farming game.

How many times do I have to say it?

and due poor time management mechanics

Oh yeah, definitely the fucking worst of all time.

:facehoof:

it's impossible to not be stressed by this game

Well, I wasn't. :rainbowderp:

I was actually quite relaxed. :twilightsmile:

...Blows your theory out of the water, don't it? :rainbowlaugh:

And if you want to gift those bland NPCs

STOP.

So what you're telling me is that a purple-haired woman with an affinity to video games and eating inedible objects is bland? You're telling me that an old man who has nearly lost hope on the town before you arrived is bland? You're telling me that a red-haired woman who strives every day to teach children she loves and is forced to do all the chores by her fat slob of a mother, constantly under pressure by her job, her family and her life...

...is bland?

Never get a job in reviewing, kid.

be prepared for more stressful time trying to catch them.

Oh no, they move around like normal people. :ajbemused:

And about the story,

well, I'm afraid I can't really complete a review

GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!!! :flutterrage:

because after the first year I stopped playing and deleted this game.

Oh.

Wow.

You really are a simple-minded fuck, aren't you?

Only the thought of going trough

Yes, you heard that right, ladies and gentlemen!

"Trough"

Fantastic. We're in good hands, ladies and gentlemen! :rainbowlaugh:

all this again was too much for me.

One more player who'd like it then.

I can't think of anything but give this game a solid 0.

Buddy... You haven't SEEN a game that's a zero.

A zero is a game with absolute no heart and soul in it; a game the creators didn't love and didn't care about, other than getting it out into the world as soon as possible. A zero is a game that was birthed, then abandoned, then adopted, and then raised as a murderer. A zero is something that just exists with no purpose whatsoever.

Stardew Valley is NOT a zero. The creator clearly loved this game; he cared for it, nurtured it, and raised it accordingly. We knew that even if the game would be bad, he loved it with all his heart, and we would respect that (even if we still gave the game a 4/10 or whatever).

You, my good sir, are an absolute idiot.

And there is NO question about that.


And that concludes today's Metacritic Monday! Did you enjoy the show? If so, leave a comment down below! Also, what are your thoughts on Stardew Valley? Like it? Hate it? Really you choice, I won't blame you if you hate it. You might find something about it that you dislike, but don't do what this guy did and spread his opinions as his actual argument.

Or else something bad might happen. :pinkiecrazy:

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Comments ( 17 )

Dang, when I get a new laptop, I might get Stardew Valley

3878459
I highly recommend it. :rainbowkiss:

3878461 Looks pretty good, even if I never played Animal Crossing, I've seen gameplay, and it looks quite good. Also, maybe he says the same thing about the graphics and Undertale, and while it has flaws, like all games, I love it

I near palyed Harvest Moon ever but it look like something I am going to look into :3

3878467 same here never played Amnaimal Crossing or Harvest Moon but it look like a game that i may like :3

3878785 I've seen gameplay of the two, and been meaning to pick up Harvest Moon on the PSN store one day, but Stardew looks interesting. I mean, I've raised farms in Minecraft B4

Actually it's less Animal Crossing and more Harvest Moon. Which once again makes me a little irate. I mean, Harvest Moon has been doing it's thing since the 90's and it's barely gotten any notice. Then Farmville comes out doing the exact same thing, only a lot less refined, and it gets all the glory!? And now this, Stardew Valley is eating up a ton of attention, everyone is talking about it, and yet no one cares about the game that actually inspired it?!...Oh sweet mercy I'm talking like a hipster:raritycry:

In all seriousness, I'm happy to see Stardew Valley getting so much love and attention, gives me hope future HM releases may sell a bit more. And kudos to the devs for making a deep and engaging game, I wish them all the best with their future endeavors, whatever those may be:twilightsmile:

Also, nice work as always SK.

3879045
Thanks! Changed the beginning so it looks better now. :twilightsmile:

3878777
Just be warned; there is a lot of farming and renovating in this game. This guy is an idiot, but he's not wrong about waiting a long time for stuff to grow. If you like or are okay with that kinda stuff, then this is the game for you. :twilightsmile:

That music was so soothing. :twilightsmile:

3879392
I know, right? :twilightsmile: The entire soundtrack is mostly very peaceful, actually. I rather like it...

I'm confused, is he saying he quit after playing an in-game year? Or that he played the game for a year (it hasn't been out that long) and then he quit?

Option one is: "I didn't like the tutorial level so I quit."

Option two is: Just a blatant lie.

3879511
Or option three: I couldn't give three shits about this guy's life. :applejackunsure:

But in all seriousness, I think he gave up the first in-game year. :rainbowlaugh:

3879534

I would be willing to bet that he gave up after the first month. :trollestia:

He just said year to make it seem like his argument had more weight.

3879664
Ah yes. His...

"Argument"

In giant quotation marks. :rainbowlaugh:

3879717

I thought they were stalactites... :twilightblush:

3879759
Fun fact completely out of context, FIMfiction lets you make words as big as 9.9 on the scale.

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