Last try · 7:06pm Mar 7th, 2016
Last saturday was my last attempt.
I studied like crazy, jammed as much information into my head as possible and solve problem after problem of mathematics.
I wake up early (at 5 am), have a good breakfast, took a shower, study a bit more, and then went to the place where the exam was going to be held. The wait was surprisingly short.
We all get inside, were given our exams and we fill them with answers.
I finished with an hour left, so I give it a second read just to be sure.
Time ended.
I left my copy of the exam, left the place and went back home.
I thought I could finally relax after that, that tomorrow I will finally be at ease.
Welp, my brain had other ideas.
The first thing I wake up to was a blinding pain: my head, my eyes, my stomach, my muscles, even my eyes’ muscles were in pain. I spend most of the next day laying on bed, unable to face light.
That was when it hit me: that was the first time on my life I actually give my 100% on something.
Let me explain, so far I have lived by the code of minimal effort.
If I will do something, I will do it with the least amount of work possible. Now, don’t take me wrong, that doesn’t means I do things half done. I only use whatever amount of energy needed for them, nor more, nor less.
That included my previous tries with the exam.
Obviously, that wasn’t enough. So I forced myself to work beyond the minimum needed.
Beyond what I used to go by in my daily life.
I went the extra mile.
I went 100%.
And I paid the price.
It has been the first time I felt so terrible without been sick.
It makes me see how much fixated I am on that university.
And it makes me feel at ease regarding my own self. I give my all on this exam.
Yet, I can’t be 100% calm.
I am one person giving his all, that makes me one out of 5000 taking the same assignature, not to mention the other 300000 who took the exam on the whole country.
I give my all, but I don’t know if that was enough.
All I can say is, I have no regrets.
I wish I did enough, but for now on is on no one’s hands.
All I can do now is but to wait.
Well done for doing your best, V!