20 year old horse is old. (Me birthday on 11/26) · 11:45am Nov 27th, 2015
I turned 20 on the 26th. Most people I know wasn't there because it's also thanksgiving; next year my birthday is still on thanksgiving.
Yeah, it's my birthday; it was just 3 hours ago, but I'll still be glad for any presents and wishes.
I feel this is one of those more important birthdays because it marks the beginning of me counting my existence in 20s, a bit more important than 21 against the mainstream because I can already drink back home, and most probably I won't be doing anything because my birthday would be at the end of that year's thanksgiving; can't even use it as a chance to do something. 20 is also cool in that it marks my life being 25% over/complete. What have I even done, or achieved, in the last twenty years? Another twenty and I'll be asking the same question again, only that I'll be in my 40s and the question would sound even more dire and desperate if it wasn't already now. What have I become in these 20 years? Where am I even heading? Nothing and nowhere; I guess.
I'm also sorry for being slow on content. Writing has become more and more of a challenge to me. Not that I am stuck or having problems with the execution - that is a given, I am more and more frightened about the idea whenever I have the time and chance to pick up the pen. I'd just stare at the screen, become paranoid and hateful of myself, then wander off to other unproductive things and didn't do anything. Or, I'd utter few sentences, then feel physically tired and stop. This is basically me on every work, or paper, or assignments, or study, or work on opportunities such as a resume. Then I'll get paranoid and dejected about my not having anything done and miss the deadline. And before I know it, another year has passed. And another. And nothing has really changed.
Anyhow, I hope you have a nice day and some other people to read stories from, and not having to spend most of your birthday just wandering the streets because everything's closed for thanksgiving. Luckily a friend of mine invited me to her mini friends giving, otherwise I would've been more sad, if I haven't already.
Love,
_horse
P.S.: I'm sorry for this to sound so depressing. It's how I've been think for the past couple of months. Actually, I've been this kind of paranoid, or anxious, or self-loathing for years. I'm sorry to drag you down as well. I'll, go back to my corner now.
happy birthday to you, It must be a little annoying to have to have it on the same day as a holiday that every thing is closed. As for what you have describe about the felling that you get when writer it sound more like anxiety to me. I don't have much to say about it other that I have a similar problem when it come to writing or even starting anything new even with my favorite hobbies. the best thing that I have find to do in those situation is to just press on, non stop, with out any worry of that you are doing until the first hour at least and then ease your self into the task. I hope this help a little and again happy birthday to you
3571434 thanks. :3 Sorry for the late reply. I don't know… I have almost zero self-discipline myself, wondering from here to there for easier not working than actually doing something, even things important.