Some unfiltered thoughts, flame ponies of darkness, and other things. PART TWO: THE REVENGENING

Now I've ranted about my pet peeves, onto the flame ponies of darkness. I'll give a brief rundown of my first ever story on FimFiction, and then ask why it was so bad.

Twinlinked walks into a library, looking for a war book. He has no idea what he is getting into when Twilight Sparkle asks him to help her test out a spell. In a swirl of magic, they embark on a dangerous quest within their own minds and memories. But when it goes wrong, he is the only one who can save the Princess of Friendship from a terrible destiny. And what will Twilight's friends do when they can't help their friend defeat a fierce enemy?

Cool description, right? I happen to still like it. However, since I am now venting, let's get the rant on about why I dislike my own story.

First of all, Rule Number 1. I did not edit my story at all. It went straight from my brain onto the page, no cohesive plot ideas, no re-read at all. Just write and upload. And it showed.

Rule Number 2 & 3? Well, Twinlinked, the main character, was a total self insert, so both rules are immediately broken. I also have this odd quirk that I love anything to do with the mind, so Luna's Comet is about a mind changing over time, and what breaks a mind in two. Non-Linear Ball is about absolutely screwing with minds completely in every way conceivable. And so, naturally, my story was all about mind-control (I cringed whilst typing that sentence, I assure you), and was set in a land made by two people's imagination combined. Which I think is pretty original, although pulled off amateurishly.

Rule 4? Hmmm. Sort of, but not really. The text is flavourful to some degree, but then you get lines like this:

She pulled out said lute and began playing a quick tune. Rainbow just rolled her eyes. She looked at Twinlinked.

Ditto for rule five, really minor spelling and grammar errors in most parts.

This doesn't answer the question though, why was it so bad? Why did I get an equal balance like/dislike ratio? The second question is because I persuaded a friend to sit through twenty minutes of muck, but the foremost question is more complex.

The answer is, in a nutshell: The story sucked. Alot. The basic plot rundown is: My horrible self insert that I went on to replace with a far better and 3-dimensional OC enters the library for a book on war tactics. Twilight, for no obvious reason, gets him to allow her to invade his mind and they end up testing the new world they create by having an arbitrary battle with imaginary soldiers. But then the villain shows up, called Sight, and possesses Twilight for no obvious reason. They fight, she wins, they exit the dreamworld, Twilight goes on a rampage, and Twinlinked eventually wins by using the elements of harmony and one of Starswirl's spells.

Dry, unrewarding and a 9,000 word excuse for some happy thoughts. Well, now I have singlehandedly ruined my credibility as a writer, I think I might be off. Just a few closing words.

Yes, my list of mistakes authors make was unnecessary. I'm tired and bored, so deal with it.
And no, you cannot read my story.

I'm a better author now. And a huge part of that is my first story, which set me up and took off my writing blinders. I hope you all have a similarly awful story, and that you learned as much as I did from it. Have a good evening, no matter what time it is now.

The word of the post means clear, logical and convincing and is "Cogent".

I'll leave you with some lines from my second ever story, which is a whole other tale for a whole other time. Hint: It was worse than the first. *GASP*

If Changelings could cry, this one did. It left in shame. Chrysalis leant back in her chair and thought deeply. She had to get this book. It was imperative to saving her entire empire. That book was not just any book, it was Luna’s fanfic. Without it, how was she expected to feed her Changelings with emotions? She had the prisoners already in the reading quarters. Her plan was brilliant, and genius to top it all off. She would read Luna’s horrific fanfic she had written while trapped on the moon to her captives, who would naturally give out the emotions needed to keep them all alive.
There was only one problem. Luna’s book was locked up in the deepest part of Tartarus. Chrysalis had tried speaking to Celestia about it, but then Celestia had banned Chrysalis from 4chan and FaceHoof. Apparently the Princess of the Sun could do that. Chrysalis had even tried speaking to the deranged Nightmare Moon, who had been driven insane by the return flight to Earth. But even the lunatic ruler of the moon couldn’t give her the answers she seeked.