*Musical Orgasm* (Hitman: Agent 47 ) · 4:05am Sep 3rd, 2015
Special thanks to whoever decided to use this song as the end credits music to Hitman: Agent 47. The movie, not the game.
Speaking of said movie:
As an adaption of the video game, it's a helluva lot more faithful than the... other one.
Sorry, Tim, but your movie sucked. You were alright I guess, but sucky movie.
Oh but this movie... is better. This one is the Tomb Raider to your Cradle of Life. Seriously, fuck Cradle of Life. You make a fun Tomb Raider movie then make a piss poor sequel?
Surprisingly, it seemed to happen in reverse this time. First try at a Hitman movie? Incomprehensible plot (After multiple viewings I still have NO IDEA what the fuck was happening), one or two fair action sequences bogged down by lack of context and lack of energy, and boring characters. Second time? Hire the SAME FUCKING WRITER... and then get a second guy to go over the script and make it understandable to everyone without schizophrenia. One cool action scene? Two cool action scenes? Fuck that! Let's get the guy that did the action scenes from John Wick. Holy shit, there was some fucking amazingly over-the-top, kick ass action scenes in this. Writer already wrote standard girl character? Ignore her whenever possible to focus on 47, who clearly watched Terminator before beginning his adventure. And Zachary Quinto, who decided to have fun and ham this fucker up.
What all this rambling amounts to is a recommendation. Hitman: Agent 47 is about as faithful as most video game movies get, but it certainly doesn't let its bog standard story stop itself from having a ton of fun.
Oh, wait. They forgot to play Ave Maria.
ONE STAR
Although, they did play this:
Which is... really good.
