Things I Hate About Things I Love: Writing · 5:04am Jul 31st, 2015
What? I'm alive? But it's been nearly a week since my last blog post, and even longer since my last chapter update! How can this be? Well, Nobody Who Asked, due to a series of unfortunate events, I've found myself failing to find the motivation to write anything. I'm trying to kick that feeling, and I feel that there's no better way than to bitch incessantly about writing. Let's begin.
I've been writing for just over two years, I believe. In that time I've changed my ideology and approach to writing several times. I've discovered skills I never knew I possessed, and realized that certain things I understood as my talents were, in fact, not talents at all. If I were to put my first story ever side by side with, say, Love Beats Stupid, the improvement would be as immediate as it would be stunning. That said, I have no clue if I'm good. Due to the dynamics of writing as a hobby or as a profession, I will likely never know if I'm actually any good at what I do. People can tell me that my work is "well-written", but, at the end of the day, that's one guy against the silent majority of people who range anywhere from "Hates My Guts" to "Couldn't Care Less". It gets hard sometimes to do something if you're not entirely sure if what you're doing is right.
I have far too many ideas. Like my stories and my ability as a writer, I have no clue if these ideas are any good. As a result, many of them never pass the conceptual phase. Even those that do sometimes end up lost in the aether of my own lack of confidence. I've started several stories for posting later, just to think midway through "Nobody is going to like this, you f*cking idiot!". A mafia Octavia story, a murder mystery starring Detective Twilight Sparkle and Rookie Officer Pinkie Pie, a sci-fi/AU adventure involving a mentally-augmented mercenary Rainbow Dash and a mentally crippled child Celestia, not to mention a dark romance based on obsession that has gone through two different variations and a pirate tale that went from serious drama to light-hearted comedy to me questioning whether it should even exist. I have so many ideas, and I simply don't have the time, mental capacity, or willpower to make each of them a reality.
Speaking of willpower, a shockingly common problem is that I simply don't have enough of that to go around. Even now, as I'm typing this, I'm only doing so because LILAC has sapped me dry for tonight. And it's not because I'm sick of working on it, or I don't like it anymore. I just can't find the energy to do much of anything anymore. Maybe that's just me being a teen, but I don't care much for this feeling.
Writing fanfiction is hard to explain to someone on the outside. If they don't know what fanfiction is, it can be difficult to get them to understand what exactly it is that you're doing. If they do know what it is, and they don't write or read fanfic themselves, they misinterpret or misconstrue what you do. We don't all write slashfics or lemonfics. If you do, more power to you. If it's good, I'll even read it. But people need to understand that a fanfiction is at leas as valid of a piece of literature as any book on a shelf. What's that? We're not creative because we use pre-existing pieces of fiction? Sorry, can't hear you over the many different and unique OC's and themes that don't exist in aforementioned piece of fiction. Now, where's your 100% original piece of work? Right, it doesn't exist, gotcha. Just checking.
Writing isn't easy, but it's not hard, either. It's certainly challenging, but I feel the word "hard" doesn't actually capture the feeling of writing. I think frustrating is a better word. And it's not writing's fault, it's my brain. I have literally stared at my doc for twenty minutes, trying to force my brain to tell my fingers to type the words I wanted. The kicker is that I knew exactly what I wanted said. I just couldn't.
I have very specific rules when writing. For example, I cannot and will not write immediately before or after a large meal. If I do, it throws me way off. Similarly, I cannot consistently write at a decent speed without some sort of audio accompaniment. Whether it be music or stand-up, I need to be receiving some sort of auditory stimulus while working. I also have a tendency to reread my work months after the fact. Just yesterday, I read Twilight Sparkle Has Sex With Everyone, for no other reason than I think it's funny enough for me, as the creator, to read through it for the fifth time since its completion. I guess I just find myself way too funny (especially all the punny names for Twi during the RD scene).
So, that made me feel much better, to my surprise. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed venting my brain on the internet. Do you guys hate things about writing? If you do, talk to me about them. Perhaps we can help each other. Maybe I'll actually finish that LILAC chapter by the time I get any comments.
Oh, and if there's anything you guys want to hear my talk about it, feel free to shoot me a suggestion. Maybe you're interested in my opinions for whatever reason (I mean, you obviously do, since you're on this blog. You must care, to a degree). Maybe ask me to talk about games or music or movies or other stuff. I like to type, and I'm sure we can have some wonderful discussions and jolly cooperation! Farewell, and praise the sun!
if it makes you feel better, the silent majority is dead
I remember the first fic I wrote... it became a mammoth project that - at conception, had been easy-flowing, fun, and simply enjoyable - became tasking, burdensome, and brain-wracking. It must've been some stupid in me, but at some point I was pounding out chapter 42 (or so, I don't remember or really care) when I decided my stupid, rambling crap that some people were oddly keen on reading should end on a round number... like 50; so I arbitrarily forced out another 10 or 20 thousand words until it felt decent enough to submit. Where the first 15 chapters came in one sitting, the remaining 35 took almost an entire year - between life and inspiration coming in waves, aspiring too much is really difficult.
I'm trying to get back into writing these days, and I've had my text editor up for the better part of the past two weeks yet only 1200 words... it's not even going to be very long and I know where I want to take it, I just haven't felt like actually tying them up.
I hate taking breaks on projects, as a reader and a writer. I end up forgetting things, or losing the context, and it's ultimately a deterrent for more writing. Which in turn leads me to get all existential about my lack of commitment, my shame of not seeing things through, yada yada.
Originality is one of my major pet peeves. It's overrated. I'm not saying I want to read the same thing over and over again; far from it, I rather enjoy new takes on old situations or whatever innovation is sprinkled in. But not everything single fucking thing written has to be completely unique. I usually take this stance when someone complains about plot being predictable, that shouldn't be the issue: the issue is that it was done in such a dry, uninspired manner that we noticed predictability over anything else. A movie that runs on nothing but plot twists is tiring at best. It's like just about every adventure story ever follows the hero's journey, but we don't fault it for following formula if the dialogue is good, the imagery engaging, etc.
I absolutely hate telling people who don't even know what fanfiction is that I write it. As I get older, I'm losing a lot of the shame I once had, but I still don't broadcast it everywhere. I hate the assumption that everything I write is smut or otherwise adult.
It's funny you mention reading your old stuff, as I usually leave mine well alone, but against the odds I looked up some of the stuff I'd posted some years back on fanfiction.net just a few hours ago. My original-fiction writer friend mentioned he'd like to read some of my stories so I looked for one I thought he could enjoy (not being part of my fandoms and all) and actually found a couple I thought would work. I don't think it'd work well for sparse fics meaning to stay short, but it really wouldn't be a stretch at all to add a few key details/connections to make most fanfics into original fics. I dunno why, but that surprises me every now and then.
Enough of my ramblings
sorry, tell us about the kind of music you like when you write - and if it's any different from not-writing.3284036 One of my biggest problems early on was that I didn't know how to let a story rest. I was obsessed with symmetry in my work. All my chapters had to be near the same length, I had to tie up every single loose end, I had to shove knowledge down the reader's throat so they understand exactly what I meant. It was, in a word, bad.
You are steadily climbing higher and higher on my list of favorite people on the internet. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my ramblings and then ramble yourself. Not everyone understands how big that can be. It makes me feel less than sh*tty at this ungodly hour. Wait a sec, it's 11:20. I should've been up hours ago.
Again, thanks for your time and your input. I used to think I was alone in the idea of originality. Recycle those ideas, people, just do it well
3284399 I absolutely had the same problem with my story, at first the chapters only got longer until it got too ridiculous. Excessive exposition, obscene amounts of stupid useless details.
I do try to be loved and maybe even liked in general so
I was mildly worried you'd get annoyed with my random crap in response to your random crap.
If it makes you feel better, I was dead asleep at 11:20