A Quick Preview · 3:40am Mar 24th, 2015
Hello people of Fimfiction!
I'm still new to the whole writing a fanfic thing, but I really want to give this a shot. So for those of you interested, here's a little preview of future fic I am currently developing. Enjoy! 
Equestria was on the verge of collapse. The skies had turned a bloody red, as ashes rose and mixed into the oxygen of the skies. Bones of creatures native to the lands, like ponies, griffons, changelings alike, had been scattered among the grounds, each of them looking as if they were fleeing from a terrible force. The surrounding trees had looked as though they had been burned down to the very stump, lifeless and utterly destroyed. Off in the distance, villages and towns were reduced to nothing but ashes. Memories of families, friends and loved ones, lost to the flames of destruction, never to be seen again.
Standing in the distance, was a lone figure, whose form could only be described as monstrous. However, his form looked distorted by all the smoke and dust, but one could sill make out a generic look. Everything about him screamed "Doom bringer" to anyone who would dare lay eyes on him. The figure walked though the burnt landscape, crushing the skull of a poor griffon, whose ashes were now scattered among the winds of despair. The figure smirked evilly, and then laughed as he spread his wings and took off into the blood red sky. As he flew away from the scorched earth, you could faintly hear a small voice, riding along the winds of hope. This voice cries out but is lost as it screams these two words across the lands...
...Forgive Me...
So, what do you think? Please give me your honest opinion and comments down below. Thank you!
Hi! I recognize that I'm a little late to comment here, but I just saw this.
What I recommend is to rewrite this from someone's perspective. I don't know if you plan on giving much information on this lone figure, but as he stands, I'm not impressed. You describe him as monstrous and have him smirk and laugh as he steps on a skull...and that's it. Start the story in his POV. Then, have him thinking dark thoughts (this will tell the reader that he is "doom bringer" like without actually telling them), and traversing the landscape while you describe it. Describing the scene through his eyes will help make the scene feel real, and if you do his thoughts/feelings well, you can draw the reader in right off the bat.
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Gee, thank you very much for your opinion! And yes, I know that I should try and characterize this mystery person a little bit more, and again, thanks for the tips.
Interesting concept.
But I agree with BronyDad, it should be in his POV with a little more detail.