• Member Since 9th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen May 2nd, 2019

Aurora Aura


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More Blog Posts10

  • 473 weeks
    The Missing Category

    There is no category tag for 'mystery.'

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    3 comments · 385 views
  • 488 weeks
    The Awful Secret Behind the Universe

    Recently I flew nearly 8 thousand km (nearly 5 thousand miles) so naturally I picked up a book before heading out. By chance I stumbled across a book called "John Dies @ the End," by David Wong (that's the pseudonym of Jason Pargin). The book is, for lack of a better word, insane. Mix Douglas Adams with H.P. Lovecraft, lock it in the basement to fester for about 10 years and you get a

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    0 comments · 283 views
  • 492 weeks
    58 [mostly] Sleepless Hours and Neat Discoveries

    As the title of this blog states, I haven't slept in 58. I say mostly because periodically I curl up in a hiding spot at work and just take a quick 15-20 minute nap. Not often enough to be particularly helpful but it keeps me moving. Now this isn't due to some insomnia or anything. Rather, my job is just really demanding right now. In another two weeks I'll be out by 10-10:30am all week. It's a

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    0 comments · 364 views
  • 500 weeks
    1000 Words A Day

    The Journal is tagged because I wrote that as part of this endeavor.


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    0 comments · 396 views
  • 521 weeks
    Doctor Who 50th Anniversary

    So I think enough time has passed that I can talk about what I thought about the 50th Year Anniversary of Doctor Who and not feel bad about spoilers (Also I've only just watched it :U). None the less: Spoilers ahead: Also I've tagged That Blue Box because it's Doctor Who related and I figure there is bound to be a few whovians in the

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    9 comments · 384 views
Dec
30th
2014

The Awful Secret Behind the Universe · 2:55am Dec 30th, 2014

Recently I flew nearly 8 thousand km (nearly 5 thousand miles) so naturally I picked up a book before heading out. By chance I stumbled across a book called "John Dies @ the End," by David Wong (that's the pseudonym of Jason Pargin). The book is, for lack of a better word, insane. Mix Douglas Adams with H.P. Lovecraft, lock it in the basement to fester for about 10 years and you get a vague sense of what kind of book this is.

The very first page of the prologue is the reason I titled this blog post 'The Awful Secret Behind the Universe.' In it David Wong says that solving the following riddle will "reveal the awful secret behind the universe." Here's the riddle.

Let's say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you used said ax to behead a man. Don't worry, the man was already dead. Or maybe you should worry, because you're the one who shot him.
He had been a big, twitchy guy with veiny skin stretched over swollen biceps, a tattoo of a swastika on his tongue. Teeth filed into razor-sharp fangs- you know the type. And you're chopping off his head because, even with eight bullet holes in him, you're pretty sure he's about to spring back to his feet and eat the look of terror right off your face.
On the follow-through of the last swing, though, the handle of the ax snaps in a spray of splinters. You now have a broken ax. So, after a long night of looking for a place to dump the man and his head, you take a trip into town with your ax. You go to the hardware store, explaining away the dark reddish stains on the broken handle as barbecue sauce. You walk out with a brand new handle for your ax.
The repaired ax sits undisturbed in your garage until the next spring when, on one rainy morning, you find in your kitchen a creature that appears to be a foot-long slug with a bulging egg sac on its tail. Its jaws bite one of your forks in half with what seems like very little effort. You grab your trusty ax and chop the thing into several pieces. On the last blow, however, the ax strikes a metal leg of the overturned kitchen table and chips out a notch right in the middle of the blade.
Of course, a chipped head means yet another trip to the hardware store. They sell you a brand new head for your ax. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year. He’s also got a new head, stitched on with what looks like plastic weed trimmer line, and it’s wearing that unique expression of “you’re the man who killed me last winter” resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.
You brandish your ax. The guy takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, “That’s the same ax that slayed me!”

Is he right?

Well? Is he?

I'm sure it likely comes across as me trying to sell this book to you, but it was an absolute joy to read so I'm okay with that.

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