58 [mostly] Sleepless Hours and Neat Discoveries

As the title of this blog states, I haven't slept in 58. I say mostly because periodically I curl up in a hiding spot at work and just take a quick 15-20 minute nap. Not often enough to be particularly helpful but it keeps me moving. Now this isn't due to some insomnia or anything. Rather, my job is just really demanding right now. In another two weeks I'll be out by 10-10:30am all week. It's a total mess.

I wont bore you with details but over all we have a lot of little maintenance that has piled up over the last 6 months or so that all of the sudden needs to be done now, plus I still have several stuff I have to qualify so I can support where ever they need me too. So the earliest I'll possibly get out is 8pm. Usually later. Going home takes about an hour so I don't get home until 9 or 10. Then I go into work every other day at 3am so I leave at like 1:30 - 2am, not because I am required but because that's the only time i really have to just go and get personal things done.

I don't want you to misunderstand, I don't mind not sleeping. I'm functional enough to not be a liability (not yet anyway) and I still have a few hours to write, which is always a plus. But the discoveries have me a little unsettled. I've heard a lot about how not sleeping will cause you to hallucinate but experiencing it was/is totally different than how I imagined it.

It started when I was in the lunch room, eating a bowl of instant oatmeal, when I very audibly heard my supervisor call out my name. He sounded pissed and so I got up and walked over to see what was going on and he wasn't around the corner like I thought he was. Knowing my supervisor likes to fuck with people I thought to myself "maybe he called me and then just ran." I saw someone coming through the only hallway he could have gone and asked him if he'd seen my supervisor and I was informed that he had left 3 hours prior. I could have sworn I heard him, it was so clear. Even now, knowing it wasn't real, thinking back it still feels genuine.

It's getting to the point that they are becoming more frequent and I'm worried I'm about to start being unable to determine what is real anymore. Every hallucination always seems so real (in the same way a dream feels real when you are dreaming). I know the easy solution is to just sleep but I've let it get to the point that when I crash I'll be out for a while. If I got home at 10 and went strait to bed I know that I wouldn't wake up for anything and I can't just call in sick or anything.

I'm at a weird point where the best I can hope for is wait until the weekend and just crash. However as I'm writing this it is 12:37am on Thursday so I still have two full work days until then. I'm not entirely sure I can make it that long.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you my slow decent into mania. If you want to ask me any questions about sleep deprivation as an individual living it right now just post them below, in the mean time I'm going to go put another pot of coffee on