Movie Review: Batman Returns · 8:21pm Dec 28th, 2014
I hate this movie. With a passion.
This movie has the same core problem that Batman and Robin had.
THE DIRECTOR HAD WAY TOO MUCH CONTROL!!
After the FIRST movie was a huge success, the producers decided to let Burton go hog wild with the sequel.
And..... Okay. Let me be honest here.
I like Tim Burton.
I don't LOVE Tim Burton.
Tim Burton is at his best when he is ON A LEASH. Like he has to tone himself down because it's a kids movie, like in Nightmare Before Christmas, or when he has to tone himself down because a Producer is breathing down his neck like in Batman (1989), but when you give him too much control his work becomes TEDIOUS.
Because Tim Burton has only one method consisting of two steps.
1. Take something seemingly innocent.
2. Make it twisted and dark.
That is IT. That is EVERY SINGLE TIM BURTON MOVIE EVER MADE EVER. The good ones, the bad ones, all of them. And after a while I want to scream "SEEN IT" and move on. I just WISH for the love of god that he would try something DIFFERENT instead of putting a childhood fantasy in black eyeshadow for the FOURTEEN HYPERBOLLILIANTH TIME.
Now, in the first move, it worked. He was working with the Joker.
The Joker is already a metaphor for twisted innocence. Already something seemingly good, made evil and scary. It was the role Burton was BORN to direct.
In THIS movie he's working with Penguin.
And oh, Tim. Nightmare is one of my favorite movies, but I will never forgive you for what you did to Oswald Cobblepot.
"How about we make him a sewer dwelling troll demon with razor sharp teeth who eats live fish on screen!"
"Uh..... Let's NOT do that Tim, that bears no resemblance to Penguin in any way shape or form, and is simply an insult to the character and his fans..."
"TOO BAD! TOTAL CONTROL! BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL"
And then there's Catwoman, and it is SHOCKING how little Tim Burton cared.
"How about when she's out of costume, she's constantly hitting on everything, and when she's IN costume she looks like an escaped gimp from an S&M dungeon, and acts like she's on drugs."
"That sounds interminable"
"Just print it! Total control! I don't wanna think anymore..."
Ugh... And then, of course, it's Christmas in the movie.
ZOMG!!!! CHRISTMAS IS SO INNOCENT AND WHIMSICAL AND ALL OF THIS GRIM STUFF IS HAPPENING!!! OMG! OMG!!
I'm going to be honest. I have fun with the corny nature of Batman and Robin. Sure, I hate that movie too, but I can watch it every once and a while and have fun making fun of it.
But this flick is just a SLOG. I hate watching it, I hate being in the room with it, and I hate knowing that I am a member of an EXTREME minority when it comes to these opinions.
It hurts me to think that some parent is showing their kid this movie, and forever in their head from now on, THAT is Penguin, THAT is Catwoman, THIS is what Batman is supposed to be.
I'm urging you, show your children Batman: The Animated Series. It's kid friendly without being insipid. I can't think of a single villain they fuck up. And it is simply the best Batman THING ever made.
It did right everything that Tim Burton did WRONG here.
On the subject of animated Batman, I'm curious now: What is your opinion of Batman Beyond?
2683921 It was... okay.
It had a lot of potential, but there were no villains that were really all that memorable. In a Batman story that is a CARDINAL sin. But the animation was very good, and DAT COSTUME!
2683928
...I see what you mean about no memorable villains. I can only even think of two at the moment: Inque and The Royal Flush Gang, and I can't remember much at all about RFG...
2683960 I remember the RFG, but not as Batman Beyond villains. I remember them as Green Arrow villains from the comics.
2683928
Tim Burton's Batman Returns just happens to be my all time favourite movie and I was first introduced to The Penguin and Catwoman by this masterpiece of a movie and I am not trolling . And I am also happened to be writing the only MLP FIM fanfic that is based on that movie. I guess you won't like my story Fluttershy Batwings and I know you are going to hate me for the twist I did. Flutterbat is not Batman, she is called The Pegabat Mare Of The Sewers and here is the cover art I made for my story fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/162250.png?1390819202
2683921 HEY!!!
2685122 I'm sorry I dared to have a differing opinion. REALLY not in the mood for this today.
2685152 Really?
2685155 I have been having a truly horrific 48 hours. None of which I have spent asleep. There is a good chance that college might be on hold AGAIN to fix my teeth, which are in intermittent pain.
Look. I don't like the flick. I honestly despise it. Does that mean I hate you? Not necessarily. It only means that if you are the kind of fan who can't look at someone with a differing opinion, and conjure up an actual response other than "You should love this movie because I really do, you jerk." Or, if the person is still not convinced by any actual argument you give, calling them a troll or a philistine.
If you are that kind of person, please unfollow me. I don't want you here.
2685171 Sorry about your personal problems but why make blogs when you are not in the mood for even talking to your followers? Maybe you should take a break from making blogs until you are in a better mood
2685182 None of the feelings represented above were a result of a bad mood. If I think my general mood is going to impact my feeling on a movie I don't review it. These are complaints I've held for quite a while.
Also, holding off blogs here WILL mean I finally lose it and deck a family member.
This blog was not meant to troll, upset, or offend anyone. I am not casting aspersions on the fans of this movie as I know there are a great many. This blog was merely me getting my opinion out there, since I had been watching a lot of Batman stuff and the thought occurred to me. I'm sorry it came off as overly bitter, but trust me, that was nothing personal happening with me. This movie KILLS me inside.
Again, if you like it, I honestly don't think I could give less of a shit if you paid me. That is your perogative. As it is my prerogative to hate it.
I am accepting your feelings. Please accept mine.
2685187 Fine. Did you at least look at the cover art of my story?
Yeah, Penguin was just frustrating. I always pictured him as a mastermind who has dignity.