• Member Since 20th Jan, 2014
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ProMonarchyGenius


I AM THE BRONY OF GREAT ESTEEM

T
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It is Hearth Warming Eve time and a tragic, sewer dwelling, Pegasus born with bat wings and a set of sharp teeth named Fluttershy Cobblewing AKA The Pegabat is planning to return to normal society after a lifetime living in the fringes of society which included a time being a sideshow freak at the circus and as a prisoner in a lab owned by the ghoulish and sadistic Crystal Emperor Sombra. Fueled by her cruel and horrific backstory she desperately longs to be accepted into society as a fellow pony not as a freakish monster at all costs. In order to achieve this she teams up with corrupt businesscolt Filthy Rich who wants to rule the city with The Pegabat as his puppet mayor by unleashing a horrific crime wave on citizens of Ponyville. But Ponyville's superhero Mare Do Well AKA Princess Twilight Sparkle is the only one who can stop The Pegabat and Filthy Rich's scheme. Based on Tim Burton's Batman Returns and Elfen Lied.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 1472 )

Decent read

3833412 I am glad you liked it javascript:smilie(':pinkiehappy:');

Attention readers I have made some minor revisions in the first chapter for example I decide to cast Snips and Snails as Trixie's henchmen and I made changes to Mare Do Well's costume like changing it from purple to black and her mask is similar to Twilight Sparkle's mask in the Power Ponies episode so her mouth and eyes are still visible and I replaced Suri Polomare with Cranky Doodle Donkey as Filthy Rich's old business partner, but don't worry Suri Polomare is going to make an appearance in a future chapter sorry for any inconvenience.

I hope everybody likes my custom made cover art it is not perfect but it fits in with my story perfectly

Attention readers Chapter 2 will be done very soon and I made two more edits for Chapter 1 I decided to replace Mayor Mare with Mr. Carrot Cake as Ponyville's mayor and it will make sense in Chapter 2 of why I made this change and don't worry Mayor Mare will appear in a prequel / spin off that I will write in the future and also I decide on why Ponyville is like this is because Princess Luna who for is now known as Empress Luna has the sole ruler of Equestria for a thousand years and I put extra scenes here too sorry for any inconvenience

Attention readers I have decided to put more scenes at the end of Chapter 2 I hope you enjoy it

Cant wait for more Elfin lied stuff

3868963 Did you read before or after I included the time Fluttershy was being tortured by Sombra at the end of Chapter 2 because I published Chapter 2 too early

im glad it had a happy ending she found shelter and maybe new friends...possibly a foster Family

3951018 I am glad you liked Chapter 3 :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Moon_Dew deleted Feb 22nd, 2014

This is interesting... Go on.

Attention readers I did some rewrites and put more extra scenes in the three published chapters especially chapter 3

A new addition to my 'read later' list

This is really good so far :yay:
Nice job =D
BTW sorry for the late response .-.

The desc. is a run on sentence i can't even understand it So no.

4104150 I fixed the description and what about the story itself?

4108628 Did you at least read Chapter 1?

Wow, in one of my potentional stories I have, I named Fluttershy: Tamica. Tammy for short.

4110464 That is very interesting and I am glad that you liked my story :pinkiehappy:

Attention readers please read Chapter 3 again before you read Chapter 4 because I made another scene and it has Pinkie Pie.

FACEPAL,! Geez Big Mac ...REALLY!?

4220820 Well he got paranoid after seeing the vampire bat epidemic when he was a filly and anyways what do you think about my story?

Soarin... and Rainbow Dash :twilightsmile: and those are....HER PARENTS:pinkiegasp:...oh boy soemhing tells me the Family reunion will be a MESSY one:unsuresweetie::facehoof:

4220865 THIS IS GETTING REALLY GOOD im getting MORE intuiged by the chapter

4220972 Oh yes it will be very messy :pinkiecrazy:

4221141 So what else you think about Chapter 4?

4221153 DEFINATLY the most interesting chapter YET like i seed im gettin more and more INTO IT

4221222 And what do you think about Cheese Sandwich singing this song on tv? And the music video itself fits with Chapter 4

4221279 Awesome touch i was all like "No way he didnt"

4221391 Well Weird Al Yankovic did play Cheese Sandwich in MLP FIM so this is the perfect song for him in my story and what do you think about Lyra Heartstrings?

4221398 correct me if im wrong but isnt lyra the one on you pic on this site

4221534 i thought so dang so much BREAKING THE FORTH WALL DANG YOUR ON A ROLL

4221546 Well I am planning on writing a Lyra Scissorhooves story in the future and it will take place in the same universe with Fluttershy Batwings and if you watch Edward Scissorhands and Batman Returns both of those movies really feel like it takes place in the same universe

4221570 Well it is true in some ways Edward Scissorhands is a Batman spinoff movie infact it qualifies as a Batman movie a lot more than any of the movies that came after Batman Returns like Batman Forever and Batman & Robin and that awful Catwoman movie

4221578 not that again i heard ya the first 3 times

4221594 Anyways what do you think about Sombra invading Equestria?

4221598 Cruel and Evil...WELL DONE

4221610 Things are going to will get worse in the next chapters

4221614 i can tell and i fear for Fluttershy The apple family Soarin and Rainbow Dash you told me soarin will perish but what about the others

4221623 The Apples are alive in the present time I have not decided yet on Rainbow Dash's fate yet

Hm...

Shall I be blunt, or do you want the toned down version?

Regardless, I'll give a few facts. First: I have neither seen the Tim Burton Batman films nor have I seen/read Elfen Leid beyond the first episode. For this reason, most of the references are probably going right over my head. This is, however, something you're going to face with any large population of readers, and I'm personally not concerned about it.

Second: Your command of the English language is... frankly, not very good. The grammar fixes alone would take a very long time to note down, and I'm sorry to say I just don't have time to pick through this whole thing right now. If it was a Google or word document and I could put comments on each instance, that would be possible, but as it is now I'll just have to offer generalized advice on the three biggest offenders: Watch out for run-on sentences; keep an eye on your tenses; and learn your where/were/we're's, to/too/two's, and there/their/they're's. The punctuation (which is usually the first thing to fall apart) seems to be fairly good, but there are enough other mechanical problems that the story gets fairly hard to read.

I could go on, but first I need to know how far you want me to go.

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