Why There STILL Is No New Story · 5:08am Dec 17th, 2014

Well...that''s awkward. It appears that it has been quite awhile since my last blog and even longer since my last story. So what's the hold up? I guess the easiest way to explain is that I've been through a lot this year and since my fallout with my editor I just haven't been motivated to write anything that's worthy of submission.

The thing is, I used to be really self-confident and just wrote regardless of how the story turned out. I posted it, was proud of myself and learnt from the criticism of others. But for a long time now I feel uninspired and I lack all and any motivation to write. Which is partly why I made the huge mistake of resigning back in August. But I shouldn't let one bad review or one little criticism from editor stop me from writing entirely. I guess, now more than ever I feel like I should write to an almost perfectionist standard. Which is something no one can reach.

I used to believe in the words of praise people told me. But I look back on those stories from two years and ago and realise how bad they are compared to some of the work I have produced in the last year. Its then that I realise that for the time, that was the very best work I could do and since then my writing has grown and developed as I have grown.

So what's stopping me from writing some great story and posting it now?

Well, it just seems that no matter what I write or who I write about it never seems to meet the high expectations that I believe it should. I'm trying to just have faith in my own abilities but I guess my mind is not in a very good place of late. For one thing I am homesick, mildly depressed and my life as of right now is very interesting therefore I don't have much to really write about.

I try just writing. Just writing the first thing that pops into my head. I do this for about thirty minutes and read it back to myself. Its terrible, there are plot holes and the whole thing feels flat. I do this three or four times each time ending the same way.

I know for a fact that somewhere inside of me is a really great story and for months and months all I've been doing is trying to get it out. Yet, no matter how hard I try nothing seems to work. So I try reading other people's work, I read books, pony-fiction and even start reading AbsoluteAnonymous's The Games We Play. And by doing all this reading I realise that there is no need to describe every scene, every minuate detail of a story. I learnt how to use prose and even when not to use it. I learnt that dialogue could be much more than just a conversation between two people, it could be funny, philosophical, silly or serious.

I learnt all this and much more. I'm also planning on spending the summer just reading. Not writing. Just reading. I think I just need to learn from the best. (Well, no one can really be the best but you know what I mean.)

Sorry for the long pointless rant. I just needed to get this off my chest.

- BB