Wave Blaster reacts to his first negative review (part two) · 7:34pm Oct 20th, 2014
Yeah, the review was long enough that my feelings about it can fill two blogposts.
The first one covered his comments about punctual parts of the chapter, here I'll respond to his Final Verdict
It's the Final Verdict
Well, this story was not completely terrible.
Yay! 
The grammar was pretty bad, but not unsalvageable. The punctuation did seem to follow some consistent rules, even if those rules were not correct at all. Please, author, read Ezn's Writing Guide. That covers most of the grammar mistakes I saw this story. It's probably the most concise guide on fiction grammar you will find, and it's ponified, to boot.
Not unsalvageable sound alright to me, having in mind that this was back when I actually trusted in Google translate and still applied Snapish rules and grammar over the English ones. I'll try to read the Guide, but it's too friggin' long 
Getting a proofreader would also help. Some of the typos were extremely bizarre and distracting. If you can't find someone willing to proofread your story, you can do it yourself. Just make sure to print it out, or transfer it to a Kindle or something. For some reason, it's more difficult to see typos on a computer screen, at least for me.
I already got a proofreader since then, a rather competent one. I'll take this opportunity to specially than stormscorpion for his AWESOME! help.
The bigger problem was, to me, the plot, pacing, and characterization. The lack of exposition was a bit ridiculous. For example, frequently, it was not clear where the characters were, ever. I mean, for that boat scene, literally all you find out is that they are on a boat. You need a bit more than that. The reader is reading your story to get sucked into another world, remember? That scene in particular drove me nuts because it's describing, basically, the apocalypse, and someone confronting the being that started that apocalypse. That should be dramatic, and it isn't, because so little is explained.
Not to much to say here, that scene will become an Old Shame pretty quick. I can only try to overcome that by being more descriptive in further chapters.
It's also a bit of a problem that we never find out whether Celestia actually committed horrific genocide or not. Personally, I think that is an important detail for a story to cover.
Actually, that's part of the setting. Both the 'judges' and the reader only have a vague idea of what actually happened and what didn't. The whole picture is not supposed to be revealed till the last chapter.
Also, the characterization is a bit subpar. This is particularly a problem with Celestia, because her character seems very, very forced. Everyone keeps saying she regrets what she did, that what happened isn't her fault, etc., but this is not at all clear from how she acts. Honestly, to me, she didn't seem to care about what was happening at all, which made it really jarring when the story expected me to sympathize with her. I feel like she could have disemboweled a puppy in front of a crowd, and someone would have walked up to her and said, "Don't worry, it wasn't your fault, Celestia."
Another one for the Old Shames. To be honest, I was trying to let it ambiguous but it apparently backfired into forced territory. The not caring about was intentional by the way.
Basically, the problem was, you were telling me how to interpret Celestia, instead of showing me what she was like. If you want readers to sympathize with Celestia, you need to provide scenes where she actually feels bad for what happened, or reveals she was somehow forced into distributing the potion, or something. Maybe this is something developed later in the story, but keep in mind, a lot of people, like me, will give up after the first chapter if there are a lot of problems like that. The MLP fandom is good enough that readers can choose to be picky.
Don't tell, show. First chapter important. Picky audience. Got it.
Characterization is also a problem for the… god, er, things. Since there are about six of them, I think, you really need to make them distinctive, or it's hard to tell them apart. I mean, think about how different each of the mane six are from each other. In a perfect story, you should be able to tell which character is speaking from the dialogue alone. I don't expect that level of perfection, but I am a bit irritated when every character melts into an indistinguishable apathy blob.
As I said on the previous blogspot, they are recognizable... for die-hard-fans. I'd have to rethink that scene, but since the second chapter is completely dedicated to characterize them, it's unnecessary.
***
And that was my first negative review. How it was? Not really that bad, I've seen worse and the feedback seems to be really useful. Just one question to my readers. Should I rewrite the first chapter? What do you guys think?
well why not ?
rewritting it would be the best way to see if you've learned from your mistakes and improve what seemed to be wrong
2548023
You understand we're talking about me, right?
The guy who managed to make Valve look like a quick developer.
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Ahh, of course I'm already working on it. As soon as I publish the next Doom Patrol, I'll release the rewrite alongside the next chapter of Judgement Day. It's a good think that I'm on a frozen time in University for a couple of weeks.