On the Benefits of Multiple Personality Disorder

So, in my head are the voices - more in speech pattern and phrasing than in pitch and tone - of everyone I think about. When I'm working on a story and I've got a good idea of the character's voices I'm more or less transcribing what's going on in my head rather than thinking up stories and crafting them.

That's not to say that I don't plan ahead or think up amusing situations that I think would be fun to see the characters in, but I'm just writing out what I'm seeing in my imagination as it happens there. I think that's why I tend to ignore scenery so much - I'm watching the characters in my head and watching what they do, listening to what they say, and knowing what they feel.

And the thing is, I do this for more than just stories - I do it for everything. When I'm trying to figure out how to say something on a touchy subject to a friend or family member, by the time we have the real conversation I've already had it a number of times in my head. When I'm trying to figure something out and I don't have someone there I can really ask about, I talk it out on my own.

And what's interesting to me is how easily I slip into the other person's role. I've known for a while that I think best while conversing, so it only stands to reason that I'd benefit from being able to converse with myself.

Now, it's not true multiple personality disorder as none of these other personalities take control and it's not schizophrenia as I don't hear voices or see people that aren't really there. But, it's definitely along the same lines as those mental disorders with the one distinction: I'm aware of what is and isn't real.

But that understanding of the line between what's happening in my imagination and what's actually happening in the world around me has never been difficult to differentiate simply because I've never used my imagination as a way to try and change the reality I was confronted with. It's always one of supposition and personal amusement rather than pure escape. I have things I like to see, but I've never valued what I liked over what was real. I don't see the benefit of doing so.

The thing is, though, the struggle I DO have because of this is that I get bogged down in possibilities, risk assessment, and getting too caught up in thinking up the next thing before the work to bring about the first things is done.

For example, currently I'm working on nine different fics. There's original stories I've got as well, but let's focus on just the fan fics.

It was ten until yesterday - I finished and put out a one shot. It's for a different fandom, so don't worry about having not seen it; especially as I'm fairly sure few people will see this.

My process for finishing up that fic? Well, I opened up all ten fics and started working on them at random and bounced around a little and then found that one easy enough to see to the end. More than one of these stories is multiple chapters with one of them already over twenty thousand words and another over fifteen thousand.

Part of me likes that I've got so many ideas for stories that I'd like to see (I only write things I'd want to read), but another part of me both likes and hates that I can switch between these ideas so much. Part of it feels like ADD, except that I'm fine staying focused especially if I'm well rested, and part of it feels like I'm actually thinking about all these stories all at the same time.

I keep them straight, but it absolutely ruins my ability to sleep. My brain is too interested in absorbing as much as possible and then seeing everything that sounds fun play out.

So, while I enjoy that all these people in my head put on a good show, I'd really like it if they kept a more reasonable schedule of show times.