Self-Realization · 6:24am May 22nd, 2014
I just don't handle pressure and negativity that well at all. I thought I could, but I can't. In fact, when I face it, it turns me into a petty, irritable person. I've been causing as much trouble as I've been receiving. I'm going to distance myself from negativity until I learn to handle it more maturely.
Jesus said to love our enemies, in Matthew 5: 43-48. It's a hard message to live by sometimes, but even when they throw rocks at you, even when they mock you, even when they judge you, even when they lie about you, even when they kick you in the groin, they still deserve the same basic kind treatment as anyone else. How come? The list of reasons is long, but an important one always, is that we're all God's creation, and yet have fallen, and so have that element of God and that element of sin in us. In fact, in a sense, for sin, all of us deserve punishment, and it was the Christ who took that away from us. Nobody's really so good, but God alone. Why view anyone as more evil than the next? Maybe there are some who are, but you can never tell, your perspective, sinful as it is, can be distorted, and sometimes, I think mine can be really distorted. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not better than the people I've argued with. And that's just one important thing in this context.
In this context, another thing that's important is often because, you got off on the wrong foot with them, and could almost be friends under different circumstances. I think, several months ago, I got off on the wrong foot with a few people, and it escalated from there. I'm very impulsive and I'm terrible with words, and prone to being outraged when I read something seems harsh; I wouldn't be surprised if I inadvertently upset people. I have Autism, and I'm used to the parts of the internet with fewer social rules, and used to chatting with old friends, so maybe I hurt the feelings of someone else by mistake, and then when they retaliated, I took it too personally. It's hard to know what's going on over a screen, and FiMFiction's culture is unlike any other.
However, after talking with a few people and reading the Gospel, I think I will give myself and everyone else several chances to get back on the right foot again. That means little or no negativity. And I realize that sometimes, I generate negativity all by myself, especially when I brood over something somebody else probably already forgotten, so that means I can't do that anymore. Even if it isn't entirely my fault, it's not like any bad word of me would ever escape beyond one social group if I don't either pity myself for being mistunderstood, which will always happen, or if I don't pity someone else I inadvertently offended (this is the internet after all). So, if it's mostly my fault, I should just apologize and try to make it up to someone else, and if it's hardly my fault, then I shouldn't give a damn.
Kinda strange how I could have multiple revelations on the same day; but that's what it adds up to. Be patient. Be kind. And most importantly, love and tolerate, even to people who seem like they won't love or tolerate you no matter what, and have beliefs you'll always disagree with. I recently discovered I had the capacity to love and tolerate someone who was racist which I will always abhor. In spite of the fact I hate racism, I still found myself capable of tolerance, which was to respect, even if I didn't agree with it, and to love, which was to be selfless, even if it sucked for me. If I can do that with someone I'll never agree with on anything, why can't I to people I have far more in common with who simply get upset at my terrible speeches? It would be basically unreasonable to add more gasoline into the fire after realizing this.
You know something? Several months ago I got drunk with my brother Chris and my dad. We were all kinda enjoying the day when my brother commented on my dad's unemployment. Things escalated from there, and eventually my dad got pissed and hit my brother square in the jaw. My brother tried to restrain him but he wouldn't stop and kept swinging. Chris is a pretty well trained vet and didn't have much trouble knocking my dad out when he found he couldn't stop him otherwise.
Funny thing is, my brother still loves my dad, and they hang out at times despite that incedent. It didn't matter that my dad slugged my brother in the face several times or that eventually my brother had to return it. They still love each other and they learned enough not to repeat it. I also learned something from that.
Just because you love your enemy doesn't mean that you have to sit there and take it. Sometimes it is actually better for both if you stand your own ground and put a stop to it, and it would be wrong to let them run freely with it. That doesn't mean you should go looking for a fight, but rather that you should only resort to defending yourself or others. My father learned where to draw the line when my brother put a stop to it, and I'll stand by that.
Beyond that, the fact that my brother forgave my father despite a swollen jaw and a broken toe from where my father had stomped on his foot is exactly what I think Jesus meant by turning the other cheek. My father wronged my brother and rather than seek out revenge, he instead forgave him and set it aside. Rather than taking out an eye for an eye my brother did what was necessary to stop him and left it at that. He didn't beat him to a pulp or cast him aside in anger but rather let it pass.
I don't know, I guess what I'm saying is that loving your neighbor as yourself doesn't necessarily mean just sitting there and taking it like a dog. I don't think that was ever what Jesus meant by that statement. There's a difference between loving your neighbor and just bending over to them to do whatever they want with you.
if it is all the Same to you i will stick to Malcolm X
Then you're never going to learn to handle it more maturely.
2134676
Well, I go a lot further than self-defense sometimes, so I still have a lot to learn from your brother. Sometimes I look for a fight later, or not try but complain so much that it happens anyway. I sometimes do this to me. And it's me who can at least try to forgive and make things right, even if it doesn't work.
2134683 No one's perfect bud.
2134680
Then maybe I shouldn't learn. Maybe I'm not cut out for negativity. Maybe I'm only cut out for being friendly and encouraging.
2134685
Then why are you saying you want to act more maturely? >.>
2134686
You misunderstand; negativity doesn't always come to me at random, but sometimes, in which I brought it, and it's the internet. When someone talks sh** about me, what's the worst that can happen? Get trolled to death? Besides, I think many people think they're doing everyone a service and don't really know any better, and besides, I'm TERRIBLE at writing anything negative or even writing speeches. Of course I'm going to get flack, some of it somewhat deserved too, or at least naturally going to occur. No need to be baby about it all.
Anyway, there's a saying: The more you stir sh**, the more it starts to smell.
2134685
You just alienated yourself from most of humanity, Wingus. Great job.
2134694
#irony
2134728
I know, that sometimes fits my description. See why I gotta stay away from sh**?
The more you stir it, the more it starts to smell.
But how does that make me evil? It just means I made errors out of misguidance. The same may apply for others.
Forget it; I made this blog post and it still seems like nobody wants peace; also, I checked my old posts and old comments and in retrospect, I don't think I really did that much wrong. I'm apologizing for nothing. I won't punch back unless I've been punched immediately before, but like Vengeful said, I'm going to have to stand up for myself and defend myself when this happens. Until recently most of the drama that happened to me was over small stuff, and more of the recent drama seems to stem from assuming things about me without actually knowing me. It seems to indicate that most of my antagonists are predisposed to seeing me as evil. I know they're just misguided, but until they learn that I'm not Satan, I'm still going to stand up for myself and not take the beating. I won't start fights, but that doesn't mean I won't defend myself.
2138581 CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! YOU MADE THE FIRST STEP!!! SEEING WHERE YOU DIDN'T DO A THING WRONG!!!!!
PARTY TIME!!!
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e2DylCI8zU]
Also I am being completely serious. Feel I need to say that to avoid confusion
2139689
Are you sure?
I've been having mild mood swings lately, partly due to stress induced by the recent drama, and thus it's hard to tell if I did anything wrong or not, in part because of the oscillating mood swings. However, I think in retro-spect, while I did do some things wrong, and did make mistakes, I still didn't do that much nor anything super-bad, and certainly nothing to warrant such tremendous selective outrage, and certainly I never intended for this shiz to happen, so on the most part, while I've not going to look for fights and am going to be very careful, I'm not going to be a doormat when antagonized.