Rant: Brony in Hiding · 3:08am May 7th, 2014
So, if you hadn't guessed already, my social life is filled with many things (including relationship problems!) that I honestly don't like or need or want but are there anyways. Admiting I am a Brony would… well you get the gist. But today I need to get all of the regrets about doing this thing off of my chest.
It sucks. Some of you will understand what I mean. It's the worst feeling not being able to express what you do to other people. I won't even trust my family, I've only told ONE person that is close to me. I mean what am I supposed to say? If I tell them straight people will think I'm joking, and the. They'll think I'm legitimately ill in the head. My parents especially. They're doctors, they've seen the worst of the worst in mental cases, but they will question me to no end. Seriously every time my parents walk into my room, and I have it set up where I can see them before they see my screen, I instantly hit the Alt+Tab to change windows. I might even sweat a little bit and then they ask me what I'm doing and I say "Whatimnitdoinganything, What?" And most of the time it's mumbling and then I sit there tapping my fingers, staring at the person while the only thing running through my mind is 'don't come over, I swear to god if you come any closer…' but they just give me a look and walk away most of the time or whatever. They don't care. They've admitted to me they use malware to check what activity goes on in our house (and I'm pretty much calling it bluff at this point because I haven't gotten any questions about it) so I'm screwed either way. I usually have one or two backups, and I NEVER show anyone my background (Daring Do ftw). And sometimes I will find my computer touched or I'll come home and my father is like "Oh yeah your brother was using it." I freeze. I mentally prepare myself for the questions that don't come and it just sucks.
The thing is, people might find out. I've already had it happen when I left my computer running to go to the bathroom and my friends had snooped. Let's just say it was tough explaining to them Exactly what I was doing. Luckily they were awesome friends and haven't told anyone (at least I hope to god they haven't).
Yet, there is this kid at my lunch table. Sits next to me every day, nice kid, known him for a while. Well he's dating this girl, and one time she comes over and MLP is on. He has to explain to her the whole charade, and they're still going out. Now he only told two people (yes, I eavesdropped. It's a common practice) and they replied to him with stuff like oh. Now, he hasn't brought it up ever since, but I heard him and I know it wasn't just a fluke. The thing is if I tell people, things will go down the drain. It's just how teenagers work.
And then there are the times when it comes on during a commercial. Out of the blue on Nick or whatever, it always is just like bam in your face. I know that before I switched, whenever one came on, I would instantly change it, no questions asked and move on with life. Now, whenever one comes on, it hits me like a curveball and then I'm like 'I'm interested but people can't find out!' So I turn away hoping to for ever loving God that somebody changes the channel, but when they do I'm slightly disappointed and feel ashamed. I mean if somebody is just staring at some commercial, seemingly interested in the topic, it's gotta mean something so I try to look away. I hate it.
And the there is wanting to be involved in the fandom. I'm 14, I can't just go to the damn conventions, I would have to have someone take me or something. I already explained why telling people is a bad idea so that's basically ruled out and I'm here on my Laptop wishing I could actually be there. And also I am a semi-musician, and would love to make Brony music, but I would need equipment. When asked what I need the equipment for by people, I will either lie or just say nothing and then they get interested and then when I show them, things go downhill. So that's ruled out. Fan fiction is my only outlet right now, and it's killing me.
Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being a Brony and won't leave anytime soon, but there are cons and pros to everything. My social life is stable, and I have awesome friends, and have even made new ones through this community. I am getting better with dealing with this, and soon I'll be back up to par. I'm trying to write now that track season is over and my life is in line, I'm going to be writing much more. (Lol, hey remember that schedule? Throw it away. Chapters of Paper ponies are gonna be 10,000+ words each.)
If you liked this and want to see me rant about girls and relationships, please share my content and give me some feedback down below. You guys are awesome!
~Boost was here
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I know exactly how you feel. I have the same issue myself, with family not knowing that I enjoy MLP. The only people who know are friends who also watch it, and I know my family would never understand why I like cartoon horses who go learn about friendship, or why I would even write fanfiction about it. It really bugs me that I can love a children's show that means so much to me, and yet never be able tell my own family without getting anything less than the riot act.
2085260 Hey, it happens to all of us. This is why us bronies have to band together, and it's all worth.