Patch 4

— « § » —
BUSINESS
— « § » —

Chugging along. For various reasons the interlude part between the first and second miniarc is highly complex both in presentation and in behind-the-scenes shenanigans. There's an elephant in the room...err, on the ship, that is smothered in social tension. That would be a sailboat ship, not a spaceship, so I'm striving to get naval terms and crewmembers accurate (within reason, if I try to write every day of the voyage it would have to cover about a month). I'll leave it at that.

— « § » —
PERSONAL
— « § » —

The aforementioned place has been secured. We've paid our security deposit, so now it's just a matter of time. Not sure how much time, since my contact and the business that's selling the house he's buying are having, uh...communication issues closing. Things are in place. Still no better job secured. Yet. Looking into some light graphic design work as a possibility. Were I to get good enough at drawing, that's something I would definitely enjoy doing as a job, if writing falls through (and it probably will, let's be honest, making money as a writer is hard).

— « § » —
RANDOM
— « § » —

Yup. Probably one of the characters whose design changes the least between drawings, this is how I envision Dust/the Valkyrie. There's also a little detail here which has only been mentioned once, and only briefly, in arc 2. (The brown thing behind her head is--ahem--supposed to be a hood, but as it's also likely being blown around by the wind I wasn't sure how to draw it. Yep, I'm lazy).

As a little fun/random fact, Ms. Dust was inspired on someone I know personally. Not based on, to be accurate; that personality is hard for me to imagine, let alone recreate. The essence being, both her and the inspirer are made of more kinds of awesome than even exists on this planet. Her colors were also semi-stolen from one of said person's original characters.

— § —

There's one little mental, uhm...'trait', shall we say, that I have and that I think needs some explanation. I have a personal vendetta against arrogance. It's the chasm (or lack thereof) between what you can do, and what you claim you can do. I try my hardest not to brag or show off, or claim to be capable of more than I am, or claim to be more than I am. It's to the extreme that it actually stings to say "thank you" when I get a compliment, because to do so implies to me that I accept it. Whatever it claims I can do, or makes me out to be, then--if I accept it, it just implies to me it's as though I said it myself, I guess. Which is bragging, through and through.

But, I imagine, this more often than not itself gets mistaken for arrogance. To some it has to look like I feel I'm entitled to those compliments, and that however awesome I may be goes without saying. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I have unresolved, partially self-inflicted self-esteem issues. While I often fight or argue with compliments, or not say "thank you" when given them, I still need them. Not in excessive amounts--my vendetta comes from a binary ego, so if I start feeling confident, it spirals out of control and turns into hubris almost instantly. But I still need to hear them...a drug of the worst kind, as some friends say. "Why do you discount your own evaluations of yourself." "Why do you care what they think." "You shouldn't have to do this for anyone but yourself."

I can only imagine how many logical fallacy bulletholes there are in the train of thought that leads me to be the way I am.

— § —

As another random thing...I need to apologize. To too many people to count. To everyone who sent me fanmail about B&W who never got a response. To people I've wronged or lashed out at without reason. There's so much I wish I never did, yet at the same time, I can't be sure I would be here, and the way I am, if I didn't do some of those things. But that doesn't stop me from feeling bad, regretful, because I love all of you. If it wasn't obvious enough already, I'm a firm believer that nobody is beyond redemption, and the people who are deemed unworthy of second chances are people whose underlying motives have yet to be exposed and analyzed. I loathe that people are so quick to dismiss when their understanding can't fill a thimble, but it's a necessary evil in some regards. I can only hope people recognize that it is, and realize their dismissal of something is not a final judgement.

Sure, there's people that annoy the living daylights out of me, or people I strongly dislike, but I try to always remember that if I could understand why they act the way they do, and why they are the way they are, there's not a scenario or person I can imagine that would make how they behave flat-out wrong or evil. If you haven't see the movie Chronicle, I recommend it. It's not mindblowingly amazing, but it gets the point across just fine.

So to all of you who have come to hate me, or no longer know what to think of me...perhaps it's only fitting I recieve silence in return, but silence is a powerful, powerful beast. Don't ever underestimate it. You guys haunt me more than you'd think...I can only imagine what you guys think of me, and imagination is another beast entirely.

Imagination is what makes darkness scary, after all.