Christ on crackers, Batman!

Welcome, once again, to one of my little nibbling little corners on Internet chaos.

Of course, you know who thinks chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing. I tend to agree.

So you may be wondering, what shall I gripe about now? Well kids, I'd like to for but a moment bitch about the depths of Facebook.
'Facebook!' someone says, 'People have been bitchin' about Facebook fer years!' Yes, yes I know, but my bitching lies in some different directions than the typical bitch about Facebook. It lies in... Facebook groups.

You see, Facebook groups can start off well and only get better, or they implode from a lack of intelligent and positive discussion or most often become heated pissing matches between a bunch of people who probably don't know each other.

This is also how many forums function, to be sure. But with a forum, you have to be sort of interested in what the forum is for. You can't really go on The Idiot Board and expect to troll it, because the place is literally going to slice you into a bite-sized piece of human meat if you dare. Much like trolling 4chan, it is nearly impossible, like being a gadfly and trying to annoy a sperm whale.

Get on my level, NERDS!

But in a Facebook group, especially if it is something people can argue tenaciously about even though they are wrong, it gets HUGE. This is because after MySpace migration to Facebook, it was realized quickly it was just as easy to be an inflamed prick and even better, there were places were pricks met and told non-pricks to stay out of. It was like winning the Internet asshole lottery.

Take for example a group I frequent; The Retriever, Dog, and Wildlife Blog Readers It's a closed group, meaning you must pass the administrator muster to enter. Even then, we get our fair share of asswipes. Whether it's some idiot who wants to argue that Chihuahuas descend from fennec foxes rather than wolves to a Neapolitan Mastiff breeders who won't be swayed by simple logic that her breed is a fucking nightmare zone of genetic diseases to the even more ill-informed people who think wolves aren't the ancestor/same species as dogs, despite all the taxonomic, fossil and genetic evidence being all right there.

Also, this isn't quite trolling, per say, but it is intensely close to it. The difference is merely the original purpose of the post. This gets even more apparent if you frequent any of the MLP groups on Facebook. One time, a female friend of mine kept getting sexting requests and sexting roleplay constantly. The kicker was the one who contacted her about pretending to be a mare who was having a 're-birth' of him. She said, quit clearly, 'Nope.' and he went fucking batshit.

So what is the solution? You really want to know?

It's called the Scaring Crows effect, and here's how it works:

1. You find out who is being a jackass in your group or whatever. You give them a strongly-worded letter explaining how if they don't shape up, they're getting canned.

2. If trouble persists, you get the fuck rid of them.

I call this the Scaring Crows effect after the old farmer practice of putting up scarecrows, but also the lesser-known fact that if crows persisted in spite of scarecrow, you shot a couple of crows, put them on your fence or scarecrow, and the other crows, being clever and not wanting to get shot and nailed to a fence, stayed the fuck away from your crops and livestock. (Yes, crows and ravens both occasionally attack livestock for food)

Now, if you have similar forum/Facebook experiences, go ahead and list them and any other anti-dipshit advice you've got in the comments, for I am done gesticulating and carrying on like an agitated African savanna baboon.

Seems about right.