B*gf*ck · 12:30am Jan 22nd, 2014
“So, uh, Murderface--how was it with that Queen Chrysalis chick ?”
“Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking abou—“
“Ah, don’t lie, dere, bro, you were totally skijorin’* her all night.”
“How did you--? I mean no I wasn’t!”
“Dude yøu butts-diåled us øn yøur smårtsphøne ånd I set ups de cønference cålls.”
“Yeah it was on Skype, we all saw it.”
“Well, excepts for me ‘cause you know I gots da Nokia phone? Wit da Windows operating systems? So alls I gets is da audios, but deys pushing outs a patch next months and—“
“Shut up Toki. Yeah, so, what’s it like havin’ four ankles crossed behind your neck?”
“Guys, look, I--I was drunk and…”
“Since when would you do something drunk that you wouldn’t do sober?”
“Well I could’ve JUST STARTED, okay? Now can you guys please --”
“Hey, I t’inks Murderfåce gøts de tender feelings før de grøupie! NØBØDY MÅKE DE FUNS ØF MURDERFÅCE’S GRØUPIE Ø-KÅÅÅÅYYYY?... “
“Guys! Guys! It’s just…oh man, you’re not gonna tell everybody I screwed a horse, are ya?”
“A horse? What’re ya talkin about dere?”
“Murderface, dats wasn’t a horse.”
“Wh—what?”
“Nah, Chrysalis is a Changeling. That’s like…some kinda…insect-thing…”
“You mean--?”
“Yeah dude: you spent last night havin’ sex with a giant cockroach.”
“Oh thank GOD!”
“Dat good eh?
“No…I mean, yeah, but…I’m just glad I’m not, like…a furry, or anything…”
“Øhø, Murderfåce is de furrys! Åre yøu feelings yiffy, Murderfåce? Whåt’s, like, yøur spirit ånimål, Furryfåce?...”
“Shut up Skwisgar: screwin’ a giant bug isn’t furry. It’s metal. In fact, it’s hardcore.”
“Yeah but I sure hope dey used protection, like maybe a giant can o’ Raid. Heh! Raid! Talk about a buzzkill!—“
“Shut up Pickles. Nah, Murderface: I know we kid you a lot because you’re like, the bassist and, well, that IS pretty lame, but that doesn’t mean you’re not metal. In fact last night—I think you were the most metal of us all!”
“Whoa dere…”
“Åre yøu feelings ålright,?...”
“Nathan, did yous just…compliments Murderface?”
“Yeah, I--I guess I did. Come on, let’s go: this place is startin’ to f*ck with my head. And shut up, Murderface!”
“Huh? Why me?”
“I just…didn’t want you to…feel left out—GAH! Let’s get OUTTA here…”
Dear Prince of Darkness,
Today I learned that you shouldn’t judge a band member by the instrument he plays. In fact, sometimes even the bassist can surprise you with how hardcore he can--
Wait…
When the f*ck did I start writing to you?
*dat’s like doggy style only yer pullin’ on her hair like it was reins, see?
(Admins, if this is not kosher, feel free to pull it: I can rock the Casbah plenty other ways...)
Sharif, he don't like it.
Now if you would excuse me, I need to go laugh my blue butt off.
where words fail, tiny pictures of ponies prevail
Whaa...?
Are you really the same guy made a blog giving the mane 6 classical themes the other day?
If so, I'm liking... I'm liking...
But it needs more Dory Mclean.
1745248
1744936
1744472
I realize I am pushing the boundaries of canon and good taste here.
But I firmly believe there is no shame in owning a Windows phone. And Toki would be just the guy to have one.
(Also: Brendon Small is the greatest musical parodist since Professor Peter Schickele. In fact I can imagine the two of them cackling over their latest plan* in the Professor's Conservatory of Doom).
*Which probably would have something to do with the Professor's archnemesis, the American Musicological Junta