Pony meets brony omg · 3:24am Dec 16th, 2011
So here's a little story I made that got rejected from the site. Guess a blog post will suffice. Yeah, this is meant to be utterly stupid, so don't think it's meant to be great.
***
“My name is Trey Love, and I live on Earth!”
“OOooooooooOOOOOooooooh....”
“And...I...I have...hands.”
“BLASPHEMY!” shouted the crowd of Bronies Anonymous, throwing chairs, flowers, hay, and babies at him. Long story short, I...he...went home and performed some satanic ritual.
“Gally ma...gally ma...gally ma, shook de day!” he said, chanting Indiana Jones. A faint voice, sounding slightly like Pinkie Pie, shouted “HE STOLE MY SONG!” Although since we all know she was Spitty Pie, it sounded more like “ SAUIDSAD SDH ASKD ASD ADTHI THONG!”
“She wore your thong? In a massive throng? You want a bong? Your WHAT IS LONG?” replied a voice that reeked of white supremacy.
“Gally ma...” continued Trey, ignoring the voices of the ponies he loved so much. When suddenly, for no reason at all, a giant, flaming portal appeared in the ground, where a bright, lush sky, flowers, and naked animals frolicked about. Trey, a hardcore brony, couldn’t help but get an erection. Upon doing so, the massive weight of his...dingaling...caused him to fall into the portal, plummeting billions of atoms to the ground below.
“Where am I?” asked Trey, even though he already knew he was in Equestria, since he’s writing this story, and it’s a simple plot device.
“Equestria!” Shouted a giant piece of bubblegum. “I’m Pinkie Pie! Would you like some cupcakes?”
“EEK!” shouted Trey, reminiscing on horrible fanfics. Long story short, he followed behind her, (oh yeah he was human but not really cause he turned into a pony.) entranced by the rhythmic, fluent, up and down motions of her flank as she bounced happily away. Long story short, we met up with the other ponies but it’s not really a we because I’m stuck at this stupid laptop daydreaming about meeting Fluttershy, since, you know, there’s lots of good things going on with her. ANYWAY N00B5,
“Hey girls, meet Trey!” shouted Pinkie Pie. Long story short, we all got acquainted.
“What the fuck are you doing in Equestria?” asked Twilight.
“Whatever the fuck I feel like. Don’t make me write you out of the story.”
“EEP!” shouted Fluttershy.
“You’re safe, baby, trust me.” he said, to which she flashed her beautiful blue eyes, blushing madly. They were in love with each other. Sadly, there will be no funny business with her since she’s my favorite and that would be degrading but yeah whatever scrub.
“Anyways, I’m in equestria because there’s a fad of brony meets pony fics and yadda blah blah so I’m making a parody.” I said, getting out my camera. “I would like to videotape you two having some hardcore lesbian sex scenes.”
“I’m down.” said Rainbow dash. Trey raised his eyebrows at her seductively while I switched between first and third pony view. I told him it would be more confusing so he did it anyway and I was like “WEIJKSDFHJSFD”
“What’s a lesbian sex scene?” asked Twilight.
“Haven’t you read a book about it?”
“Oh, that thing.”
“Yes, I’ll set this up here and you can all commence with it and then I’ll leave and be a brony and not a pony.”
“That’s sexier than apples!” since apples are sexy to Applejack. said Apllejack. And there are so many things wrong with grammar in their eye wouldn’t not not fics it. SPIDERSES
And once they all returned to reality, the story continued on as normal.
“But seriously, why are you in Equestria?”
“I fell through a portal.”
“Fuckin hell. People need to stop with the portal fanfics. It’s out of control. And pony meets brony? yeah. Portals into Equestria are like the worst of the two.” said Rainbow Dash as she panted from trying to maintain her athleticism from making hardcore lesbian love for only a few sentences.
“Yes it sucks that’s why this is a parody.” said Trey.
“PIE!” said Pinkie who hasn’t had a line for a page in google docs. Oh and Backdraft fucked her but regrets it. WEE.
This fic has 679 words by the end of this sentence. WEE.
“Can we bring it back?”
“Sure” said Trey who wasn’t exactly sure who he was talking to.
Spike then burped. And there was a letter.
“I don’t know where the fuck you came from but let’s read the letter.” said Twilight.
“Dear Trey,
I understand you’re in Equestria. Good. I’ve been wanting some interspecies consummation. If I ever get my hooves on you, I swear I’m going to consummate all night. But the evening shall never cease, since I, Princess Luna, declares night shall last forever...and that was Luna but yeah it’ll be night forever and then we’ll consummate. And by consummate, I mean fornicate. And by fornicate, I mean fuck. And by fuck, I mean vigorous sexual activity that would otherwise be useful for workouts, sweating, procreation, recreation, and clopfics since you’re actually not a fan of sex that’s why this part is a joke to this terrible story you and Fluttershy have kids. MINDFUCK
Celestia, Luna, and Mister Rogers.”
Mr. Rogers? “Oh no!” said Trey, whose quotes should have come in two words before. “This story” is going from bad to worse! said Trey whose quotes ended too soon much like his sex life.
“Looks like you’ll have to go back to Amurrica, fuck yeah, and tell all your friends about us though in all probability you’ll keep it to yourself and then you’ll have a
choice over whether to live here or in America and my sentence got cut off. SPIDERSES.
“
“I guess I’ll see you later but before I go I want one serious paragraph in the story.”
Trey then glanced over at Fluttershy. Sure, his various escapades sounded like I was on drugs, but he wasn’t.
“Fluttershy...I love you.” he said, passionately kissing her, the faint taste of cherry on her lips. “But...I have to go. I’ll see you in my other fics, alright?”
Fluttershy nodded, tears in her eyes. This was one more story, though terrible and shitty, that she had to spend with him. She stifled back tears as he, naked, with a fully erect dingaling, fell through a portal that wasn’t there a few seconds ago.
“He’s well endowed. Let’s go after him.” said Applejack because she’s the least favorite and nopony wants to fuck her.
But the portal closed and they were stuck and were like D: SPIDERSES
Meanwhile trey, whose name should have been capitalized, fell through the portal, naked, since he was a pony. As he launched up, the portal closing beneath him, he landed on the floor stomach down, a loud snap heard, as that of wood breaking.
“CELESTIA DAMMIT I SNAPPED MY ORGAN OF COPULATION IN HALF.”
“And that’s the” whoops there weren’t supposed to be quotes but that’s the end of the story and yeah. There may be sequels but I’m not saying there will be because there will be but I’m not saying so.
Lolz, I like this. write it as an actual story, plz!
Holy fuck, that was funny. Rejected clearly because it's an awesome trollfic. LOLOLOLLOLOOOOL, LOLOLOOOOL, LOLOLOOOOOOOL~!
What? I don't even...
So Trey is awesome AND hilarious? More proof Trey is a badass.
1995 I would, but it'd turn into a monstrous comedic piece, totally meant to poke fun at other genres of fics. Maybe I can just make a huge collaboration poking fun at how terribly stereotyped fics can be and how terribly they can be written.
1998 Well...if you say so
well, troll fic aren't allow anymore but this is funny