More Revisions (The Want Me Need Me Spell) · 5:39am May 9th, 2012
I forgot to mention that I revised a portion of "The Want Me Need Me Spell" to try and make the idea that Pinkie was never affected by the spell a little clearer.
I would love to hear what you all think:
Pinkie rolled her eyes with a giggle, “You know what game, silly! You’re the one that invited me to play!”
Twilight rubbed her forehead as a headache began forming behind her eyes, “Hold on. What were you doing here in my lab tonight?”
Pinkie took a deep breath before launching into her explanation, “Well, I was at home going over recipe ideas with Gummy when my eye started fluttering and my tail twitched right before my nose got itchy!” She stared at Twilight as though the unicorn should know what this meant, but Twilight only stared blankly so Pinkie continued, “It means that Twilight Sparkle wants to play a game! Duh!”
Twilight murmured, “Oh. Right.”
Pinkie trotted in a little circle, “So I came right here to see what kind of game you had in mind! And when I got here you had your eyes all closed and your horn all glowing so I looked at your doodles,” she gestured to the pile of notes on top of the desk, “and I figured it out!”
Twilight frowned, “You figured it out? Figured what out?”
Pinkie rolled her eyes, “Your game! Come on, Twilight, at least try to keep up!”
Twilight furrowed her brow, this was getting them nowhere, “I wasn’t playing a game. I was working.”
Pinkie snorted, “There’s no need to keep pretending. Your sneaky spell is all done now, remember? You got bored.”
Twilight stared at the grinning pink pony; what she was saying made no sense. She most definitely had not been bored. Um. No that wasn’t it. Why was Pinkie so adamant about the whole situation being a game? Yeah, that’s what didn’t make sense. Was this a side-effect of the spell, or was it some kind of anomaly that occurred because the subject was Pinkie or…
Pinkie stared at the paper taped to the mirror, “Hey. If you had a second spell to make the game stop why didn’t you use it?” She shook her head sadly, “Maybe I should have kept going?” She cocked her head at Twilight, “Are you still playing? Is that why you’re still pretending?”
Oh. Twilight could really be thick sometimes, couldn’t she?
She blinked. “So you were never really…”
Pinkie adopted a sultry look once more, slinking closer to the unicorn, purring, “Your mane is so siiilky. I just want to run my hooves through it. Want to run yours through mine?”
Twilight waved her hooves in the air and shouted, “No! Um… I release you?”
Pinkie’s mouth twitched up before conforming back into a seductive little smirk. She brushed by Twilight, running her tail under her chin, “Don’t play so hard to get.”
Twilight felt herself flushing again. What was she…? She focused on her horn and shot off a few colorful sparks. Just for show. “I… uh… Shazam?” Twilight opened her eyes to see Pinkie staring at her, “You’re no longer under the effects of the… sneaky spell.”
Pinkie flopped onto her side and flailed her hooves in the air dramatically, “I’m FREE!”
Twilight let out a shuddering sigh, “Yeah. You’re free.”
So let me know if it makes things clearer or if it just muddies things.
106834
Aw shoot. You caught it before I could fix it.
Thanks for letting me know. :)
106842
No need to apologize. It was just an embarrassing oversight on my part.
I actually went back and revised it right away after that first round of comments because the last thing I wanted was iffiness (nope, none of that tomfoolery in my work dangnabbit!), but I forgot to go back and implement the changes. I'm glad that this clears things up. I want a good, clean romance with no magical strings attached.
Personally, I thought it was clear enough as it was, but there's no harm in just making it super-duper-extra clear.
This makes it somewhat clearer
I do think this makes it clearer, not that it was super unclear before. Also, I adore the addition.
Pinkie snorted, “There’s no need to keep pretending. Your sneaky spell is all done now, remember? You got bored.”
Aww! Poor Pinkie! Thinking her sexy wiles weren't enough to keep Twi interested ...
Twilight felt herself flushing again. What was she…? She focused on her horn and shot off a few colorful sparks. Just for show. “I… uh… Shazam?” Twilight opened her eyes to see Pinkie staring at her, “You’re no longer under the effects of the… sneaky spell.”
Pinkie flopped onto her side and flailed her hooves in the air dramatically, “I’m FREE!”
Twilight let out a shuddering sigh, “Yeah. You’re free.”
Funny and adorable. FUNNY AND ADORABLE.
109814
She knew she should've brought her cat suit along!