Revisions! · 8:32am May 19th, 2012
There has been an increasing amount of personal happenings going on in my life recently and it's been making updating in general a daunting task. I am doing my best to get back on the horse so to speak, but I'm also working on a writing project for which I am getting paid so that takes a bit of precedence also. In the meantime I have made a few revisions in my downtime.
I'm not even sure if it's proper etiquette to make posts concerning all the revisions you make, but oh well.
In The Purplest of Prose for The Purplest of Ponies I changed the last line of the second part of the sonnet in an attempt to alleviate unnecessary confusion. It now reads thusly:
“What can I do without you by my side?
Nothing. I am a wretched thing alone.
But with you near I have no need to hide;
My darker side and deepest thoughts you’ve known.”
In Dissertation of Affections I went back into "Initial Reaction" and expanded a few instances with Spike in order to allow for better flow:
Twilight jolted to attention, “I’m in love with Pinkie Pie!”
Twilight’s eyes became round as saucers and she put a hoof to her mouth as if she couldn’t believe she had just said that.
Spike blinked a few times before laughing, “You’ve got to be kidding me! Is this some kind of joke? Pinkie Pie? Aw, that is hilarious!”
Twilight frowned, “No Spike, this is serious.”
Spike sobered up, “You mean… You and Pinkie Pie?”
Twilight nodded.
Spike’s eyebrows knitted together, “How?”
“I’m not entirely sure myself,” Twilight locked her gaze once more on the wooden flooring, “She’s been visiting me more and more often when I’m up late studying, and I guess I came to really appreciate her company.”
Spike rolled his eyes, “Sure. But “appreciating her company” is not the same as loving her! I appreciate Applejack’s company, but you don’t see me confessing my undying love.”
Twilight grinned, “What about that one time when we were about to jump into the Diamond Dog’s lair?”
Spike flushed, “Hey! That was an accident and you know it!”
“Suuuuure it was.”
Spike crossed his arms in a huff, “You’re avoiding the question.”
Twilight sighed, “I am not. We’ve spent a lot of time together lately, and she’s really fun to be around, and I like it when she smiles at me because I get this really nice feeling in my chest, and she’s a really amazing kisser…”
“Gross! Stop!” Spike stuck his tongue out with a scowl, “Too much information!”
Twilight smiled sheepishly, “Sorry.”
Spike paused in thought, tapping his chin with a scaly claw, before finally shrugging. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
And then again:
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Pinkie exclaimed, “Gummy worms are amazing in pancakes!”
Spike rolled his eyes, “No you’ve got to be kidding me! Who wants something that looks like a worm and is chewy like a worm in their pancakes? Gross!”
Pinkie slammed a hoof on the counter with a gasp, “Because you get to pretend you’re a thing that eats worms! Like a mole or an ostrich!”
“Do ostriches even eat worms?”
Pinkie blinked slowly, “I think so. And if they don’t: why not? They’re birds aren’t they?”
Spike laughed, “Stupid birds. They can’t even fly! How lame is that?”
“Hey!” Pinkie frowned, “That’s not very nice!”
“It’s nothing personal. It’s not their fault they’re bad at being birds.”
“But they’re sooo good at other things!”
Spike nodded, “They’re the best at sticking their heads in the ground.”
Pinkie smiled, “They are, aren’t they! How’s about a toast for the ostriches! Best at sticking their heads in the ground ever!”
The two clanked their mugs together, nearly busting a gut laughing at some joke Twilight didn’t quite understand.
Twilight smiled. She had been worried about nothing after all. How typical.
As always, glad to hear feedback. Stay cool.
Loooove the third revision. Pnkie and Spike are perfect, and you really nailed their relationship in the show. More than any other character except perhaps Dash, Spike doesn't care about Pinkie's eccentrics. Maybe it's because he's too young to know that it's weird, maybe it's because he loves playing off it, or maybe he somehow understands Pinkie. He is a kid, after all, and kids always ask the most amazing, seemingly random questions. And what is Pinkie if not an adult who grew up just the right amount, keeping that childlike wonder and attitude? Loved it.
123383
That's good to hear! I was worried about the third revision because I didn't know if it came across as a bit too juvenile or not.
I appreciate it when an author points out revisions, as it can be a bit strange to re-read something and suddenly think, 'was this bit not different before'. So, thanks!
123735
I figure this way people can know that I'm taking their concerns into account and that I'm changing things while also allowing them to see if it works without having to reread and pick the changes out themselves.