Drops of Silver: Analyzing Sail of the Vampire · 3:32am Jan 9th, 2014
Hey y'all!
I recently came across a story entitled 'Sail of the Vampire', I suggest you all check it out. Anyway, I read through it and decided I wanted to do an analysis on it. Well, I guess you could call it that. I'll be going through the story and breaking it down, trying to find out if it is good: does it portray what it is supposed to, does it have good grammar, etc. If you haven't read it, don't read this post as it contains massive spoiler alerts.
So, here we go! My thoughts on 'Sail of the Vampire'.
1.
Let's start with, in my opinion, the biggest part of a story: does it make sense? And I don't mean can I understand what it says. I mean does the story make sense? Can you understand what the story is trying to say, without wondering if the author left out or forgot something.
The beginning of the story is a bit odd to me. Now I might just be stupid, but I didn't quite understand why the author put time to put those rumors of positivity to the test. Why does Fluttershy think there are rumors of her going around town that she is almost scientifically impossible to hate? Sure, it's kind of common knowledge that it is really impossible to HATE Fluttershy, but why does Fluttershy know that? After all, she lives in a different world. I thought about this and decided that the only explanation that logically fit the bill was that Fluttershy is insecure and made up a fantasy about ponies liking her and it being impossible to not like her. After all, if she is insecure and always worrying about others being mad at her, it would make sense she tries to comfort herself by giving herself a moral boost. Or maybe the author knows Fluttershy found this out and forgot to tell us.
Another part of the story that I found to take a minute to understand was when it was told that Fluttershy was terrified about her friends finding out about her 'secret'. While at first I didn't agree with this, I looked back and, going with my previous statement that Fluttershy is insecure, I could understand that she would be terrified about her friends finding something bad about her, especially if she makes a fantasy about ponies liking her.
Another is when Apple Jack chases after Twilight when she leaves in a rage. Apple Jack had been bitten, and she had been in pain, but now she isn't. Then suddenly, she is pain right after she finishes talking to Twilight. It just seems kind of strange that the mare would go from pain to fine to pain just like that. Even if you said that Apple Jack was having and adrenaline rush, that isn't exactly valid. She was bitten and she screamed so loud that she could have awoken the dead. Then she suddenly can't feel pain? I doesn’t exactly add up. If you have two holes in your backside, and you know your in pain, you can't ignore that, especially when she is outside, in the cold, not doing anything exciting.
When Twilight ranted about how Flutterhy is always on the receiving end of the stick, I don't feel that to be accurate. Sure, in 'Bats!', they should have listened to her, but didn't and bad things happened. But other than that, there are only a few points in which something bad happens to Fluttershy, specifically, due to something Twilight did, if any. If anything, bad things happened to her due to her own problems, not because Twilight did something wrong with her.
I loved the part where the author put that Apple jack smelled of apples, which stimulated Fluttershy's bat side, and that she targeted the apples on AJ's flank. That made a lot of sense, since she was a bat, with an animalistic mind for a bit, so she couldn't really distinguish between real apples and cutie marks.
2.
Another thing I'll look at is if the characters are true to their normal attitudes. Pinkie Pie with her hyperactive part in the beginning, Rarity with her hiding under the table, Apple Jack with her phrases like 'sugercube' , and Rainbow Dash with her wrestling Flutterbat and only being soft with her friend as she was desperate all seem fine.
Fluttershy seems a bit out of character. While yes, she is shy, she isn't paranoid of everything anymore. She has been learning to overcome her fears, so it doesn't make sense she is terrified of her friends finding out about her secret. That being said, the rest of her is accurate very much so. The fact that she was afraid everypony would reject her after she attacked them reflects her thinking she doesn’t want to harm or inconvenience her friends in anyway. If she was ready to leave when she thought she interrupting Pinkie Pie and Twilight in S01E10, then she would easily think that her friends would hate her after what she did. That being said, she is insecure now because she attacked them. Before hand, she had no reason to be insecure about them FINDING OUT about her secret. If she was afraid she would attack her friends, that is very accurate.
Twilight also kind of made me upset. While I watched MLP, I never once thought of Twilight as one who could lose her temper the way she did. Of course, she can get paranoid, and even mad, but the fact that she knocked down a bird house out of anger didn't seem really character-accurate. Unless the author is trying to explore a part of Twilight we haven't seen, or unless she is paranoid of losing her friend and is driven to anger just thinking about it, but I don't know, it seems like those are both kind of weak excuses for her behavior. Plus, like Apple Jack pointed out, Fluttershy always forgave them for everything that ever happened to her even though most of the time it wasn’t even their fault. Twilight's the bookworm, always remembering every little detail. If she is stressed about losing her friend over actions, wouldn't she be trying to find reasons that Fluttershy would forgive her? And if so, wouldn't she remember that Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness, and always forgives everyone? AND, why did she wait until after AJ had been bitten to stop Fluttershy? Didn't Fluttershy specifically ask her to stop her when she got out of hand? Well, she got out of hand way before she bit AJ.
3.
Another thing is does the story deliver what it's supposed to or does it give something not intended or ignored? I think this story does a bit of both. I didn't think of this story as too sad, though it is a little bit. Sure, Fluttershy is scared, and Twilight is scared, but it didn't really stir up my emotions like other works have. I was sorry for them, but not once was I thinking “Wow, that is so sad...” mainly because I was thinking of ways it could have been as I mentioned above. It lives up to its dark side for sure. After all, the kindest mare in Equestria turns 'evil' and attacks her friends, actually biting one of them. The alternate universe thing... well... I mean, it is in an alternate universe, but I kind of think of her fang as permanent, and that it will show up in future episodes. Of course, that is me, and I doubt that Hasbro will put something like this story in an actual episode, so it is in an alternate universe.
4.
The last thing I'll look at is grammar and spelling. I know from experience that bad spelling can ruin a story. I'm pleased to say I only noticed a few bad points in the grammar, and only after going back a second and third time. So this story is pretty sound grammatically. The author also described the story amazingly well. Every detail from Fluttershy's house to her thoughts were detailed and let me enjoy the story as much as I could. So I don't have any complaints there.
All in all, I know I sound a lot like i'm railing on this story, but I actually think this is an amazing story. It can be easier to point out all the bad points in something, but the good is there. This story is really good and I can tell the author puts a lot of thought into his stories. So if I had to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give it a 8 for a great story but a few things that really made me stop for a minute. Of course, who gives a shit what I think? Find out for yourself. Go read this story if you haven't and ignored what I said at the beginning of this post.
Thanks, Dramacolt, for this story and giving me the chance to test out my analytical skills. I would like to know from you all, do you think I did a good job analyzing? If I left out anything, please tell me so in the comments. And forgive any spelling errors I made.
I would love some comments on my review. Is it good? Bad? Did I miss something? Go overboard?
I think you did quite a thorough job here. I'm impressed. Most people have difficultly getting past "It was good." As someone who has worked at a newspaper writing film reviews, I know how hard it can be to extrapolate sometimes. It's clear you have a lot to say about the story, and you have a pretty solid handle on the characters and what makes them tick. And I, for one, appreciate that because it's the core of the show, and way too many people don't understand that. In fact I think there's a deluge of writers here who don't understand that at all, so I think that level of scrutiny isn't going overboard by any means. As long as you're not unfairly nitpicking I'd say "Have at it, hoss." (pun intended)
If you'll permit me, allow me to shamelessly plug my own fic. It's called Shade of A Crystal Empire. I notice from your own fics that you enjoy stories with a solid emotional core that's consistent with the themes of the show, which is what I try to do as well. If you want, I'd love to hear what you think. In any case, good job, and keep on keepin' on and whatnot! Cheers!
Brohoofs /)*(\
1737084 Well thanks. And sure, I'll take a look at your fic, though i don't know when. i'm kind of bogged down with what i have to do right now, but I'll try and get to it as soon as i can.
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