• Member Since 26th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 13th, 2020

Dramapony


Aspiring Actor, Writer and Director. 100% Brony. I will love you all, as long as you treat me as you'd like to be treated.

T
Source

What can Fluttershy do when she has a problem? Not just any problem. A problem that may change how everypony sees her. A dilemma that can make her look like a threat. A terror. A freak. A monster. Who can she turn to for comfort, without having them fear her? At least she's still Fluttershy... right?


Rated Teen for a scene featuring violence and blood. Tagged 'Alternate Universe' because I don't believe her change to be permanent, but I still thought it would make a good story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

You did a good job with this. Fluttershy's voice really does sound like her for the most part, and all of the others were in character as well. There were a couple lines of dialogue that I found which sounded strange coming out of someone like Pinkie or Applejack, but for the most part it was pretty solid, and I can see something like this happening in the show (you know, minus the whole blood thing). I really liked it. :twilightsmile:

3758064

Hey, Iron. Glad to see that you enjoyed this one. It was great to know that I was actually able to keep everyone in character for this story. It was actually one of my main concerns, along with many others including tagging and whether or not it was too cheesy towards the end. But it was great to see that others are enjoying it, even though I wrote this in just ten/eleven days.

3758135

It doesn't matter how long it takes to write something -- as long as you put your heart into it and try your hardest, you'll come out with something enjoyable. Just like this.

And I was going to suggest adding the slice-of-life tag given that this is mostly about interactions between friends, but then I realized that sprouting fangs and nearly sucking your friend of their bodily fluids isn't exactly an every day thing. Then I thought about switching out the sad tag for the tragedy tag, but then figured that it would drive people away... wow, this is harder than it looks, huh?

Hey Dramacolt! I really liked your story and decided to do an analytical reveiw on it. Check it out, anyone who might see this, if you want.

Again, great story! :twilightsmile:

Keep it up!

3758348

Hey. I just wanna let you know that I read said review and think you did an excellent job analyzing my story. Yes, I was asking for feedback, but I actually didn't expect anyone to do a full out review. I think an 8/10 was a pretty fair score to be honest. All the bad you pointed out are the reasons why I write fan fiction: to improve with my writing. I thank you for going in depth with my flaws and pointing me in the right direction. I look forward to seeing more of you around. :raritywink:

3758411 Honestly, I wasn't expecting it go that far, it just did. I found I really enjoy writing things like that, so I can assure you there will be more!

Congrats! Your story has been Reviewed!
This link here!

Added to Celestia's Library

tinyurl.com/llaz5ct

Well written and very sweet!:twilightsmile:

Thanks for adding this to Vampires and Vamponies. I just finished reading it, and I enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

We'll there be a sequel?:fluttercry::fluttercry:

FABULOUS !!!!!! I love flutterbat. shes as popular as the thestrals. I greatly admire luna, and her night guard.

mixture of puss and blood

Hey AJ, you might want to seek professional help for that bite... like imedietly. If its leaking puss after just a couple of minutes, then the infection is so powerfull it will probably kill you in a couple of days, at most...

No offence to your writing ability, but fresh wounds do not leak puss. Only infected ones do.

I've got to say, so far, I really like this story, I'm not done yet. However, I can tell by how my can see the story and how its played. It is most certainly divine I must say. I shall Continue to read this story of Ms.Fluttershy

I'm very glad to see someone who didn't just forget about the end of "Bats!" Surprisingly dark in places, this, and effective when it goes that route. The ending is sweet as well. On the downside, there's an awful lot of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, and quite a bit of tense shifting as well. With some more polish, this would make a very nice little fic.

7746614 Hey, people still comment on my stories! But, seriously, thank you very much for the feedback. It was very refreshing to see what my writing style was like three years ago, compared to how I hope it will turn out once I return to writing pony fiction (I've been unintentionally taking a bit of a lengthy sabbatical for personal reasons that I won't go too far in depth with). But what you wrote did motivate me to look through the story again, and see where my biggest strengths and challenges lie, so that I may even come back stronger than before. Nice day, mate.

7750027 You're welcome! I make a point of not only reading the latest or most famous fics around, so combine that with the fact that 'Shy is my favourite pony and this was likely to appeal to me. As it happens, some time ago I also took a break from ponyfic for personal reasons, so in that very general sense I get where you're coming from. Reading what I wrote before that also made me think. But from what I saw with this story, the good things were the imagination-based ones and the bad things were the technical errors. Much better that way than the reverse!

Great story.

did Fluttershy not forgive us

This sounds FAR too fancy for AJ. Maybe something more like "i'n't Fluttershy always the one who forgives us?", the way it's currently written is a way that upper class people talk.

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