One Wedding and Several Thousand Funerals · 11:17pm Apr 21st, 2012
Hey there, everypony!
Now, I'm sure you've all heard the news - Princess Mi Amore Cadenza (that's right; the one you've never heard of) has married Shining Armour, Captain of the Royal Guard (who you don't know either)!
I attended, of course; as, apparently, did the majority of Ponyville. Actually, now I think about it, it is a mystery as to how the collective community of one tiny village manage to ingratiate itself so thoroughly into the graces of the Canterlot elite... but I digress.
So, I am sure that you (or rather, the few of you that didn't go) are eager to discover the happenstances and events of the presumably fantabulous day! Did they make a good couple? Was there cake? Were the bridesmaids hot?
To answer your myriad queries: Yes, yes, and y-
Ouch! Stop that! No- Derpy, not that, not- AHHHH! Okay, okay, I was just- OW!
Eheh. What I meant to say was that I would never objectify a mare in such a way! How dare you insinuate such a terrible thing!
So, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupt- OW! Okay, fine, fine....
As I was saying before my beautiful and charismatic marefriend corrected me, the wedding was fantastic!
I mean, there were a few horrific monsters who were trying to kill everypony, but where would the wedding be without the mother-in-laws?
(Please don't hurt me Celestia)
Anyways, there were a few speed bumps on the happy couple's road to married life - the emergence of a brand new species led by the enigmatic Princess Chrysalis, a little bit of mind control, and the foal-napping of the bride to be, but every marriage has its ups and downs, am I right?
I was ready to go all Oncoming-Storm on their undead hides, when it turned out that the Elements of Harmony, in addition to being real nifty with ancient, all-powerful necklaces, are apparently experienced in taking out groups of overwhelming size using a mixture of martial arts and method acting. Oh, and Twilight Sparkle can apparently fire laser beams out of her horn. Go figure.
So, there I was, standing protectively over a young family, undead beings surrounding us entirely (I had a plan! I totally had a plan!), when suddenly, a magic sphere of shifting colours suddenly expanded from Whitecoatal Cathedral, picking up the changelings and throwing them hundreds of miles away - killing them all instantly, of course. What did you expect?
I, of course, believed that one of the Princesses had finally stepped up to the plate and dealt with the problem. Luna's famous "Pedicabus vos" spell, perhaps. Maybe one of the many, many über-weapons that were kept at the Castle for safekeeping.
But no. Apparently, Princess Luna slept through the entire thing. She lives in the bloody Castle, for Lu- I mean, for, um, Discord's sake!
Wait, no, that came out wrong. What I meant to say was- ah, forget it.
According to my sources, what really went down was that Shining Armour (remember him? Nah, me neither), fuelled by love, cast the only bloody spell he knows to send them TO THE MOO- I mean, to a violent and grisly death.
When asked why Twilight and the gang did more damage than the entirety of the (armed and ready) Royal Guard, official sources refused to comment.
In other news, Prince Blueblood refused to attend the ceremony due to not caring in the slightest.
And I'm afraid that's all I've got time for, folks - see ya next time.
DW
Seeing you going Oncoming-Storm on those bastards would have been amazing.
On a side note, do you think you can help me out? A weird statue of a crying pegasus just appeared in my backyard, and OH GOD I JUST BLINKED AND IT'S AT MY WINDOW
79348
Well, I don't know if I can stop the Angel on such short notice, but if it gets you, tell me when you end up and I'll come get you in the TARDIS.
What the-- Okay, I don't know how the hay my laptop is still working, but I'm not complaining because either I'm 1500 years in the past or somepony decided to reenact the burning of ancient Roam. I think I can see the Appleachians in the distance. . . They're like, 50 miles north. So. . . I'm near where modern day Stalliongrad would be? I think? I think remember Mrs. Cheerilee (Sr.) saying that Stalliongrad was built partially over the ruins of Roam. No need to rush, I'm far enough away from Roam that the flames won't get me, and there are apple trees around so I won't staOH CELESTIA THOSE PONIES HAVE SWORDS
79583
Well, the 'Burning of Roam' society did do a great reproduction in 2678, actually, so I suppose you could be there. Or maybe not.
Anyway, you seem to be handling things pretty well, so I'll be off. Have fun in Ancient Roam! Make sure not to effect anything important!
It's not every day you get to travel through time, after all...
OW OW OW OW
I just got bucking stabbed! Why the buck did they stab me!? Ow. Alright, it's not too deep, and I managed to fashion a rudimentary bandage out of some leaves. I'm at a loss of what to do now, though, because a legion of very angry Roaman ponies apparently are blaming me for burning Roam. I'm kinda sorta REALLY BUCKING TERRIFIED.
79805
Don't worry. This sort of thing happens all the time. Just roll with it (don't literally roll - you'd get mud in your bandage, but you get the picture).
Remember: No Spoilers!
I know it's tempting to flash your laptop and gain instant god-hood, but, frankly, it's not worth the effort.
Hey, here's an idea - go visit the Princesses. Duke Arthur Ponydragon should still be Lord of Canterlot, and he owes me a favour. Pop round and mention my name.
But most of all, have fun! You never know when another opportunity like this may come along.
79885
Yes sir, Doctor sir. I'll do just that. And you can gain godhood by flashing your laptop? Wouldn't they just think it was some sort of spell? I mean, when Celestia raises the sun each morning, a laptop isn't that impressive.
Y'know what? You're right! I'm gonna travel the ancient world! It'll be awesome! I'll probably post on my blog whenever something happens though. And, er, if I get into a life-or-death situation that I really can't handle, would you mind helping me out?
79923
Why, of course I'd help you out! I think it's a brilliant idea. Ab-so-lut-ly brilliant.
Perhaps you could even write a story about it? "The Stronghoof Chronicles", maybe.
I, at least, would most certainly read it.
79975
That's actually a really good idea. I'll do that! It may take a while though-- first I need to get some money.
((OOC: In actuality, it'll probably take some time because I had the best idea ever for a story today, based on the season finale.))