From Skies Above Revision Summary · 10:15am Apr 16th, 2012
Ok, so recently instead of procrastinating, I've been revising the previous chapters of From Skies Above. These revisions are mostly just small rewrites to areas that felt rushed, a bit of reorganising, and cutting out parts I felt were just unnecessary. Basically just tidying up.
Change list:
Chapter 1: Added a few more details/sentences. This one was pretty much fine since I had over a month to work on it.
Chapter 2: Rewrote the scene where Twilight finds the body. The scene is basically the same, just written a little differently. I also decided to include the names of the gryphon elders. Other changes are just small details accross the rest of the story.
Chapter 3: Removed unecessary violence, mainly unstopable human forces mercilessly gunning down gryphons. Other small details.
Chapter 4: This one is considerably shorter. I removed several scenes of human military superiority, inlcuding the Surestrike vs Grenade. Hopefully this will make the violence feel less dragged out. I may have gotten a bit carried away with that when writing 3 & 4. No other major changes.
***Incoming Transmission***: Changed the names of the ships. UNN Dawnbreaker is now the UNN Yamato, and UNN Hammer is now UNN Colmar. The previous names felt too fantasy.
The plot is still the same, so you shouldn't miss anything if you don't want to re-read the edits. Stay tuned for the next chapter!
-Sparklight
By the way, did you get updated because I tagged the story in this post?
Personally I like the Grenade scene, but you're the writer.
Why remove traces of Human military superiority? Is it not present?
72639
Not all traces. Only the scenes I added because I have nothing better to add at the time. In my opinion, it dragged out the battle to an unecessary length.
72642 Aww, but I like it when battles are drawn out to an unecessary length!
72642 I didn't think it was dragged out at all. I thought it made sense putting all the description in there.
72743
Weird. I always hated when stories (and other things like games and movies) would focus more on graphic fights more than an actual plot.
72717
So... you guys actually liked the mindless symphony of repeditive violence?
73837 Dude. Games are only good when you have a Dif Character DRAG the fight out, not just like, *PUNCH IN FACE* Battle scene done.
I love it when there is enough description and drawn out-ness that you can picture each move, explosion, and duck, as if you're there yourself. So, Last question. you gonna add it back in?
(Sorry if i sound like a dick. im just pointing out stuff, sorry if i sound a bit pushy.... Sorry!)
74346
I didn't mean that each scene was repeditive in length, I was refering to all of them as a whole. Each one I removed pretty much followed the same formula. Pony Gryphon conflict, they fight for a bit, then humans come in and crush everyone. I don't want my story to turn into just this formula repeated over and over.
Its like most of the (totaly not a) self-insert HiE fics on this site. Dude goes to Equestria, meets ponies, friendship, romances on of the main six. It may have been somewhat interesting the first few times, but then it just becomes the same old pile of bad grammer and shallow characters as the other thousand on the site.
Though I will admit, I may have gone a bit overboard with the cutting.