Recently, I've been finding it more and more difficult to come up with reasons for why I should live this exsistence that we call life. Lonliness is a very difficult emotion to overcome... So, what makes you really happy? What makes you feel truly alive? What makes you want to keep going even when you feel horrible?
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My friends, my family, my dreams.
1433341
The usual stuff, I suppose. But sadly most of my friends left me, I don't talk to my family, and I haven't had dreams in a long time. But, I guess I only have myself to blame for the last two.
thinking of those my death would hurt
The fact that I'd rather regret it if I just... well left without fighting all the damn way for my happy ending. Who cares if it ain't going to come, at least when I die I know I was always trying.
I remember what I write below.
In this exact moment in time there are infinity to the power of infinity events that you directly or indirectly influence. The future is just a blank page which we use just scribble/draw/paint/wright/estimate/calculate/take note of/etc. No matter the harshness, the softness, the evil, the good, the corrupt, the clean, the young, and the old, YOU yes YOU are the master of everyone's fate, yet at the same time they are of you.
Give a smile to a person you walk by, hold a door open, donate money to cancer research. Spite a random person for no reason, Spit on someone, derail someone's train of thought. Each one of these alter what is/will happen to an individual, and that could bounce to another, and another.
I am all powerful, yet I have no power. Fate made me, Yet it has no idea what to do with me. I can send ripples through the future, good or bad.
Through all that, I am me. Fate made me and let the future be mine. Fate made you and let the future be yours.
Also if we didn't feel sorrow or suffer, how would we know the feeling of bliss or relief to the degree we do now?
1433364
Oh if you wouldn't mind.. um why did your friends leave you and.. Why do you not talk to your family?
I want to write and publish a book someday. That's my big goal and the one that keeps me going. I'm very stubborn about it, I won't surrender until my name is in the shelvings of the libraries. It's not easy and sometimes I feel like giving up. I ask myself, "for what?", but it's something I really want to do, it's my objective. I guess it's one of the few things I can call "mine", if that makes any sense. It's what defines me, one of the things that define me, and if I gave up I would loose a part of myself. I would stop being me.
As for the things that make me happy... well, I enjoy the simple things in life. Eating ice cream, listening to my favourite music, playing my favourite games, writing when I have something to write. It's what makes me happy and what makes me feel alive. They also keep me going, those small things I know I would miss if I disappeared today. I want to see Season 4, I want to know how my favourite manga ends, I want to eat ice cream tomorrow, and again, I want to write a book one day. I can't go yet. I don't want to go.
I hope this helps.
I know it's not as poetic nor inspiring as other speeches people give in these situations, but it's my most honest answer and what I really believe in right now.
1433618
Well, I don't really know why my friends left me. They just sort of... stopped talking to me, one by one. There are only a couple people left in my life that I would call "friends".
And my family well... It's not like they don't want to talk to me, its the opposite really. I just feel so alieanted and different than them. They've all lead such normal, sucsessful lives, and what have I done? I'm the failure out of my siblings. I'm the one who deveopled bipolar, the one who never did anything with his life... I guess I stopped talking to them because I felt so different.
1433603
That is... an intresting perspective on life. That we're all connected in some way, each of our actions affecting another. It makes one... perhaps consider their actions more, take into account just all the people they would affect.
1433864
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Well whatever happens I'll always support you!
1433859
At one point in my life, I wanted to be an author more than anything else. Maybe I still do, deep down, I just don't realize it. But if there's one goal in my life that I haven't given up on, it's writing a story that's truly worth reading. Not just a well written story, but something that really changes you on some level. That makes you feel something you haven't ever experinced before. Maybe every writer has delusions of writing their masterpiece, a perfect story. Still... I hope I can one day.
Those are all great things to enjoy, great things to live your life by. But... For me, almost all of that stuff has lost it's enjoyment for me. Depression does that, it slowly erodes the hapiness away from all the things you once loved doing. I used to love to write. Now? Not so much... Perhaps the only thing I really have left to enjoy is music.
I don't care that it's not poetic, its a response, and I thank you kindly for it. It does help, having people to talk to is a hell of a lot better than being alone...
Writing. It helps me go on.
Of course, there's family, and thoughts of achievement, but mostly writing.
If you need to talk about personal stuff, I'm just a PM away.
The things that makes me happy are pretty much my hobbies, nothing big, just the things that you do because you like to do them. Playing some of your favorite games (dark souls/monster hunter), rerereading your favourites book, doing some exercise with friends or maybe even looking for another job, the last one mostly because I dont like my actual one...
Also, try and spend some time with your family, that helped me greatly with depresion. I had to force myself to do so, but for me it was worth it.
1433876 You're welcome, I'm glad to know it helps
I'm also glad to hear you haven't given up on that goal. I think it's very important to have goals, and I think yours is a great objective.
I know how depression takes away the joy of things, from personal experience. I remember a particularly bad time when I was feeling so in the dumps that I thought I would stop writing forever. But I got better, and I even wrote a short story about it.
If you allow me to say some of the usual cheering words people say on these situations: you'll get better too. It may take some time, but I'm sure the depression will go away, you'll feel better and you'll recover the joy of doing the things you love. Once this bad phase is over, you may even write a story that will get you closer to your goal.
Until then, we'll all be here.
1433864
Exactly
Though technically fate is and isn't a thing. It can be confusing when you first think about it.
1434037
I wonder though, that it might be an unobtainable goal. I don't think any writer is completely satisfied with any story they write, theres always something that could have been done better.
And... I hope I'll feel better, one day. And not just momentarily, but for life. Perhaps I could even get back to living life like I used to...
1433942
I guess what kept me sane was video games and writing, now... well I still play a few video games, but it and writing just don't bring the same enjoyment that they used to. And maybe I should try to spend some time with my faimly... I don't really see how it's going to fix anything, but maybe it'll just help deal with it.
1437461 I think it happens to all writers, or most of us. In time, everyone starts disliking his older works. A few years ago I wrote a “book”, if you can call it that way even though it was never published and it never will. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written, of 200 pages or so. At that time I thought it was my masterpiece, but now I facepalm and laugh everytime I look at it because I see that it has a lot of flaws.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t achieve our goals. I think it actually helps us, as long as we see our own failures and we want to improve. None of my recent stories are that long, but they are better. I’ve learned from my mistakes. If there’s something that could have been done better, I do it better the next time.
Also, keep in mind that other people can like your work even if you don’t. Personally, it’s something that makes me a little happier and gives me strength to keep writing. I don’t like my first pony fic right now, but I know there are people who enjoyed it, and in fact I don’t delete it due to respect for that people. Of course, I wish some of my lesser known fics were more famous, especially those I really put my spirit into, and sometimes it bugs me to see that my silly one-shots have the most upvotes; but then I think that maybe, what I wanted to do with my lesser known fics, I already did it with my most famous ones without knowing.
Maybe someone out there has read one of your already existing stories and thought it was worth reading. I remember your oneshot “What is Life?”, I enjoyed it and I think it taught me a very important lesson. Wasn’t that your goal? Well, if you ask me, I’d say you achieved it already with me and that story.
But of course, that isn’t a reason to stop. If you achieve your goal, try to make it even better! Is what I said above: there’s always room for improvement. Always room to create an even better story.
Also, if you allow me to give my two cents in the issue about your family, I also advise you to spend some time with them. They may help a lot even if you don’t think so.
If I may share a personal experience with you: During last year I became a bit of an antisocial. I didn’t like being with people, I prefered to be on my own. However, my mother “convinced” me to go back to the University this year and study to become a teacher. First impressions were terrible. As I suspected, the career is all about learning to deal with people. There’s psychology, sociology, and we have to do a lot of reflexions and class discussions; all of which is stuff that I don’t really liked.
But I had a talk with my mother and I decided to swallow my grumpiness and try to face the career with a good attitude. To my surprise, now I like it! It still gives me a bit of headaches because we have to do a lot of annoying homework, but the subjects are interesting and somewhat easy, the teachers are nice and some of them even complimented me for my homework. I wasn’t expecting this to happen, and now I feel overall better than when I started.
So, I’d say give it a try even if you don’t like the idea. I realize it’s not really the same situation and that what it worked for me may not work for everyone else, but I thought it could help. I hope it does.
And I'm sure you'll feel better one day, and it will last forever.
I too hope you do.
Knowing that between now and forever anything could turn my life around, and that keeps things interesting for me.
You never know what you'll get until you get it.
I live for the small things.
That song which you can listen to on repeat for hours.
The rare moments where you make everyone around you laugh.
That one part in that one fic where discord turns a crowd of guards into spoons or something.
The unfinished stories which you want to read to the end, yet which you wish would never end because they are so good.
The one part in a show, a story or whatever which never fails to make you collapse in a fit of giggles.
The moments friends or family do or say something amusing which everyone remembers for years to come.
The feeling you get from helping those in need, when you have really made a difference to someone's life.
But mostly I live because I'm afraid to die. I'm not a religious dude, so I don't expect anything after I pass on (I'd probably be hell-bound for some of the shit I've done), so for me death means not existing anymore, and that thought chills me to the bone.
I think that to get the most out of life, you have to find something which you genuinely enjoy, something which doesn't feel forced or difficult, something you can rely on when times are tough. For me it's Knowledge, knowing how stories play out, how shows end, the latest song from my favorite musician, knowing a cubic fuckton of semi-useless facts which cause a person's eyes to light up when one of them turns out to be useful and enlightening.
That is what I live for Legacy, I hope it has helped
We live because they drew first blood. But seriously, I too go through these emotions, they tend to last a few days and then for some reason I'm joyous to be alive. Maybe it's just the sole fact that we don't know what we fight for, we might never know, which is why you need to go out there and see what you need to fight for, WHO you need to fight for. Be legend.