Noblesse Oblige by Brony2893

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/89289/noblesse-oblige

Hey Brony2893.
I wanted to first chart out the path that led me to this story, as I'm sure it's a little different from the one most people have to here. I saw your To Love a Goddess when To Love a Mortal came out and read both, liked both and moved on. Then Random Acts of Generosity landed and it was an instant favorite which, after the "to love" series got me to follow you and at least look at your other stories. Which then went on the read later backburner until today.

Let me start with saying that the I really enjoy your style of writing, there's always great descriptors that really evoke a lot of impressive images and visuals. And furthermore, let me thank you for sharing so much of your time and talent with all of us. I'm humbled that you are willing to share so much value with the public, all of which shows an immense amount of character. Thank you again.

I thoroughly enjoy this notion of the "villains" having motives that are inherently good just with objectionable methods and such. Even though there are quite a few stories that revolve around the changelings starving which drives them to invasion for their survival's sake, this story still is evocative enough that I felt very immersed in the story, and I was engaged, wondering what was going to happen next every step of the way. Very little felt unrealistic for the world, and everything felt very natural. So, really, you did an incredible job here, and I can't praise, nor thank you enough for it. And if you're not particularly interested in receiving any criticism, please skip down to the bottom and know that regardless I certainly enjoyed the time I spent, and if you enjoyed writing it, then that is really all that matters in the end. If you are proud of your work, which you should be, and if that is enough, then I am just as thrilled to have shared in this.

Now I wanted to say all of this because I left this piece emotionally unfulfilled, for a few reasons. There are a few assumptions that end up being unjustified by the end of the piece and many more things that are left unexplained and thus I felt taken out of the piece.

The first thing I wanted to look at with you is the "isolationist" mentality that seems to be the barrier for Chrysalis to overcome. Breaking the mentality to save her people is the responsibility she must shoulder; it is, to a point, her Noblesse Oblige. Yet the mentality is never justified early on, and she never seems to wrestle with isolationism and not calling on other tribes for fear of seeming weak. In fact the thought of reaching to the other races isn't even brought up until just before she does so, so it appears that she hasn't struggled with and overcome the mentality for a payoff. To my eyes, it looks like she abdicated her responsibility by not looking at a very clear and obvious solution. Thus there isn't an emotional payoff when she does finally give in and call upon the other races for help. It rather seems like what any rational leader would have done months ago and that her inability to act paints her far less sympathetic a character. To put a point on it, we are told, not shown, that the changelings have a "long-standing reputation as stubborn loners who refuse aid".

Also, it seems that Chrysalis suffers little compared to her subjects with her magic battery necklace, in fact the major suffering she appears to suffer is the emotional heartache of knowing that her subjects are suffering and dying. And, in terms of nobility requiring sacrifice, it rings a little hollow that "Oh all these people dying makes me so sad" when we meet few of the changelings that are, in fact, dying. The readers are given little emotional investment into the rank and file changeling, so the emotional impact seen on Chrysalis can't bear the same weight to us. The lack of being able to relate to the changelings left me particularly underwhelmed when Chrysalis continually hid her pains from her servants so they wouldn't overexert themselves for her. Again we are told, not shown, that "they were all too-willing to do anything to make sure their queen was alright." Without the interactions, we're left with nameless, faceless voids that seem to be affect Chrysalis, but have little effect on us.

And finally, the lack of repercussions for Chrysalis from the Princess felt as though she won and wasn't required to take any penalties whatsoever. She's, in fact being brought to the center of love, and being allowed to enter of her own accord. Yes, it may very well be that Luna is operating outside Celestia's oversight on this, but it would be difficult to believe that a letter to Celestia could be intercepted, responded to, and the guards brought into this all without Celestia knowledge. Yes, they say multiple times that they are doing this for her people's sake, but unless there is some retribution Chrysalis will benefit just as much. And, granted, this may be further covered in the sequel you've had planned, but for now, all I can go on is what's here. And being invited basically to your objective, even under watch, seems almost too good to be true, without the undertones of it even possibly being too good to be true, and it rings a little hollow to me.

Now, by no means am I an authority who's word is law, but I do hope that you've taken the time to read these and even if you don't agree, please do take them into consideration.

If you've skipped down, please start again here:

As I said, I'm grateful to have been treated to this work and you can and should be proud of it. It is wonderfully written with imagery that really bring the audience in and I truly enjoyed the reading of it. Your time and talent is not unappreciated and I wait with bated breath for what new things you bring in your own time. Thank you, again, for all that you've done.

And furthermore, thank you for your time and reading this far. I wish you all the best.

-Duskrider

P.S. Amarr Victor!

P.P.S. For the Brotherhood! Nod speaks for the people!