Jul
7th
2013
Dis-a-POINTED! · 2:23am Jul 7th, 2013
I go to the trouble of pouring my heart and soul into a story I think is worthy of being featured -- an idea I think has some originality and merit to it. Unfortunately, it fails to meet with much approval, and worse still, when I ask for any feedback, I get none, other than people deciding they don't like it and down-voting it.
PLEASE, people! If you're going to down-vote my stuff, please let me know what you don't like about it, or offer some feedback on how I can improve it. Don't leave me hanging like this! 
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Mike the Red · 413 views
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For me, I don't know what to say for feedback, since I can't tell what should be improved or not. So, it's kind of hard for me. And in the chapters, I just too lazy to comment.
Alright... I took notice of this story, and for the reasons I am going to give... almost passed it by. And therein is perhaps the reason it has been down-voted so much.
First of all, the use of a pony from the "Pony Creator" is a guaranteed down-vote for about 50% of the readers here. Not me, because I don't give a crap about cover art. But there are those, whose actions are driven by their sight of an OC pony, and worse... and OC pony from a pony creator.
I read the first few paragraphs looking to see if maybe there were some glaring grammar and sentence issues, and I didn't see any that were anything but minor technical things, like where to add italics for emphasis or what-not... nothing really sticking out, so don't worry about it.
What I did notice was that it started abruptly, and it gave no preamble to the characters, or the setting, or what the heck was really happening. A lot of readers want to feel the digs of the story early on, or they get bored, start yawning and wander off to find another side-story to Fallout: Equestria, and lose themselves in that.
I know that this is set in part of an existing storyline, but even novelists that pick up from one book to another, do a little refreshing of the who, the how, the why... just to make sure that if by accident someone doesn't do the research by reading previous novels, they aren't absolutely lost in the first chapter of events.
I cannot recommend anything really, except to remove the image, and toss it. Never use it again. Either commission a buddy from DA to make some drawing of your character, or find a pic that sort of goes with the flow of the story's themes and use and credit the artist for it.
You wanted feedback, so there you go. As best as I can give.
P.S. The summary of your story is too verbose. Way too much is being spelled out for the reader, and they are judging the overall quality of the story by that. I'd recommend trimming it to, "Sequel to..." and then mentioning time travel, disaster, danger, and ponies. keep it brief, and keep it to where the reader has to click that shit, if they want to know anything.
1261621 Thanks for the info. As for the pony creator image, I only uploaded that last night. Before then, it had been just the cutie mark image, which was probably even less well received.
As for the previous story line details, I suppose I went into a little too much detail, but added some embellishment here and there. I suppose I also should have provided a little more background to the introduction, indicating that three and a half years had passed from the end of "Children of Chaos" and that the OC and Twilight had built a close relationship as housemates during that time -- the story takes place in an alternate universe where Twilight did not become an Alicorn.
Thanks again for your consideration.
-MK
I write romance stories (read: When Fun Becomes a Fiasco) and many downvoted them to hell and back. And hardly any likes are offered to even balance it out.
Who has suggestions to offer? PM me.