I finally saw Equestria Girls *spoilers* · 5:06pm Jun 28th, 2013
Yep, I'm late to the party. I deliberately avoided seeing it for a few days for two reasons: first, I wanted to see if a clear, quality upload would surface (one kind of did...I guess) and second, I wanted to avoid being part of the inevitable firestorm of strong opinionated rants that would inevitably follow its release.
So what did I think of Equestria Girls? It didn't feel good or bad. It felt like an episode--not a standout episode like Lesson Zero or A Canterlot Wedding, but a fairly average one that happened to be stretched over 75 minutes. And I suppose that's both praise and criticism in itself. On one hand, most of this show's episodes are funny and watchable even when they have their flaws, and I felt EG to be effectively that: flawed, but watchable. On the other hand, when a franchise is making the jump from television to the silver screen for the first time in decades, saying that the movie is "watchable" and "just like an episode" is faint praise.
Let's start with criticism:
The film's biggest failings are its dip into high school clichés. We've all seen the "unpopular girl triumphs against mean popular girl" schtick before, especially when a school dance is involved. Flash Sentry is every shallow male romantic love interest who has ever existed, and he's only there to be a love interest; his one plot-relevant scene, proving Twilight's innocence, could have easily been given to any member of the supporting cast. If the rumors that his pony counterpart won't be appearing in season 4 are true, this makes him even more irrelevant.
The second main plot thread, putting the band back together, is handled a little better. However, it's resolved fairly quickly and it too is predictable in its inevitable success. I would have liked to see Twilight working hard to reunite the other five, with one or two not joining till the end. It would have felt a lot like the moral from the Return of Harmony: friendship can put you through trials, but its worth fighting for.
I'm also skeptical that Sunset Shimmer managed to be the one to pull that off. She is, sadly, not a compelling antagonist. It's hard to buy that she manipulated the mane cast so easily when they all already hate her; a sentiment shared, seemingly, by the rest of the school. Some of the manipulations are vaguely plausible like false texts and emails (though she'd need to be a decent hacker to pull that one off...or the mane cast are just dolts) but considering that she flat-out told RD a lie to her face, I'm surprised Rainbow Dash didn't realize Hmm, maybe Applejack lied to me, OR MAYBE that obviously malevolent girl with the constantly wicked grin was the one who lied instead. Sunset Shimmer is so ludicrously obvious in her ill-intent that I'm surprised she can even function in normal society. Part of her is clearly desperate to grow a Snidely Whiplash moustache and twirl it.
Her motivation is lacking. Take over Equestria! ...with an army of brainwashed human teenagers? Seriously? Equestria, land where one-third of the population can perform magic at will? With a few thousand teenagers? At least go to the local police station, brainwash some people with training and guns while you're at it. Sheesh. I know she's a demon, but raw power is no guarantee of success in Equestria: look at Discord, NMM...et cetera.
I would have liked to see more depth to her character. Perhaps she resents Celestia for not being the mentor she'd hoped, and stealing Twilight's crown was a way of forcing a confrontation with Twilight. She intended to win and prove to Celestia that she was worthier than Celestia's supposed "star pupil." Doesn't that seem like a more reasonable and honestly compelling antagonist? And if you still want the demon-transformation-climax, let's say it was only when the Element of Harmony reacted to her corrupt ideals that her personality was warped by the corrupt magic, sending her on that cackling evil bend. The basic structure of the movie would remain the same, but in my opinion that would have made a far more interesting villain, which would have carried the film a fair bit.
A few minor questions: if Sunset Shimmer was capable of stealing the old Fall Formal crown, why didn't she just steal the new one when it became apparent she had competition? Why did she bother with the dance at all? Why did she have Snips and Snails wreck the dance floor and frame Twilight if her grand plan was to have Twilight succeed at fixing the dance...for some reason? It was a long shot just counting on someone else proving Twilight's innocence, let alone getting Twilight to fix up the dance! Did Sunset Shimmer just throw her hands up in the air and decide to kidnap Spike all along? But what if Spike didn't come to the dance, or was in a situation where abducting him would be awkward? And how the hell did the library staff not freak out when they saw a bed made of books and obvious signs of someone sleeping there? Little details, but...
A last bit of criticism, the songs were forgettable. Coming from a show that has great music, that's one of the bigger disappointments for me.
But enough critique. Where did the movie succeed?
Well, it captured that fun, happy-go-lucky atmosphere of the show pretty well. I've seen a lot of complaints about the loads of references to the show, but to me they were fun and generally not overdone (Trixie at the vending machine notwithstanding...but that was super-funny anyway, so whatever.) The animation was generally pretty good. A lot of the jokes were cute in a fun way, especially Twilight's failure to grasp the nuances of being human.
And I really liked how at the end, they let the school remember the events that happened instead of pulling the "mass brainwash" card that so many movies do. Heck, the mane cast go through the whole dance in their special winged, pony-eared forms! So props to the ending for turning a boring high school AU into what seems to be an Urban Fantasy AU with the population aware of the fantastic elements. If they keep that as the status quo for the inevitable Equestria Girls show, I might actually be intrigued.
If it seems like the list of criticism far outweighed the pros, well, that's too bad. Equestria Girls wasn't perfect. But it wasn't irredeemable either. So in the end, I choose to think of it as one of the average-quality episodes from the show. Because in all honesty, that's what it felt like.
But haven't you heard? You're not allowed to have an indifferent opinion! You must either love it or hate it! Pick a side! Fuel your rage!
(Just kidding. You obviously know where I stand. 
)
I'd like to point out that the one plot point that got me was the fact that the Mane 6 had trekked all the way to Celestia's palace to meet the other princesses for some 'important reason', and yet that reason was never explained at any point.
I mean, the entire set-up required Sunset Shimmer to know that Twilight would be there, so we can assume it was an incredibly important event... but nothing. NOTHING. (Then again, we are talking about Meghan McPlothole)
And if that's the case, given the wails of 'this isn't canon', does that mean we'll NEVER have an answer? I mean, if it tied directly into season 4's premiere I could understand, but...
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Presumably, it'll tie into season 4 via Twilight being all "I CAN be a leader and a princess!" considering that's the lesson she learned.
And no! I shall have no rage! It's just an average episode with a long running time and better-than-usual animation!
The movie was mediocre and forgettable. Only things I liked about it:
-The cafe song. I dread to think when I'll see the first 200 pound bronies performing it.
-Twilight's trouble with wings, both flying and sleeping.
-RD grabbing Scoots on her back and flying around as soon as she could.
-AJ was damn cute. When nobody has more superpowers than she does, she's actually a good character.
>not talking about how Spike almost saved the movie from being totally horrible
so lame
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The café song with 200 bronies, eh? I give it three months. Four, tops. And I was seriously sad by how underutilized Sunset Shimmer's character was. She's a former pupil of Celestia's turned to evil! A dark counterpart to our heroine! Why would you give her a cookie-cutter personality and motivation?
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True, true, most of the funny parts that weren't shout-outs or Twilight failing at being human were utterly owned by Spike.