Upcoming changes to The Final Crusade · 2:09am Mar 30th, 2012
I understand a lot of people are in a shit about my story, but that is no reason to be trolling and all around hating my stuff. It is really putting a bad image on my opinion of this site. Another fact is that i have not written anything for well over ten years, so excuse me if i suck at it. The changes in the coming days will involve Spitfires involvement with Scootaloo. She is not in a relationship with her, and was simply there to comfort and watch over the intoxicated Scootaloo, which i will make clear in the chapter. I will also rearrange the bedroom fight scene a little, and extend it a bit. After the fight scene, i will add a extra Spitfire scene, developing her and Soarins characters better and how they look at Scootaloo. The scene with Coil will be extended upon, and Scootaloos involvement regarding her owing tab at The Pink Mare.
Finally, i will extend the arena fly out scene in more detail if i can, as well as the hospital scene, allowing greater 'character emotion' and development between Soarin, Spirfire and Scootaloo. Also, yes, The Wonderbolts consists of six mares and five stallions apparently, but only three are known at the moment, Scootaloo, Spitfire and Soarin, the other four mares and four stallions will most likely be seen later in the story (maybe). Either that, or its just whats left of the group after over 30 years of performing, or the fact the Wonderbolts are seen in groups of 3 or 6, i do not know yet. So, a recap of the changes below are:
*Spitfires asexual relationship with Scootaloo, extended bedroom fight scene.
*New Spitfire and Soarin scene after the bedroom fight, and their view on Scootaloo.
*Extended Pink Mare scene with Coil, and why Scootaloo has such a large bar tab.
*Extended Arena flight scene, indicating that there are indeed six to eleven Wonderbolts, or even that the three are all that is left.
*Extended Hospital scene, and the consequences that Scootaloo face for her lifestyle.
Also, final thank you to the nice constructive criticism i have been receiving.
I personally wasn't trying to offend. It was just an odd read. I'm really looking forward to more.
49589 Yeah, its cool, just some people were getting out of hand to the point i had to delete some of the comments, with simple gifs saying you suck etc (not you though <3). I have the second chapter, Applebloom, all planned out and ready to write, but i am not even going to start writing it until chapter one gets fixed. Ill probs make the changes to chapter one later today/tonight. I'm just having a little trouble trying to think of a story for Sweetiebells chapter, and i need to make sure that all of the first three chapters include conflicts with Hard Cash before they reach Ponyville, who is in my story, sort of like a mob boss and main antagonist.
Might I offer some advice? If Sweetie is the gifted singer, as shown in the episode where she's singing and dusting off the picnic table, mayhaps she took a loan out of Hard Cash to start her own career / show? or ran into him in some dive bar and was "discovered" by him? I know that kind of goes against not finding her talent, but. maybe she hasnt found the right niche for her singing? (this is if i'm remembering right) Not trying to steal credit or anything, but writer's block is teh suck. I'm going through the same thing for my first fic right now. I've written but never posted several things for lack of a good finish. or the computer blows up or soemthing. lol. good luck at any rate. I can't wait to see the finished product.
49670
Yeah, shes gonna be some big shot singer, or a failing one, as i want to try and include that her fear of singing in front of crowds is still present. You may have just helped my third chapter too. Maybe she will have a thing with Hard Cash and i might actually describe/show him for once. This can also create great conflict later in the story if she has affection for him, yet has to choose between the one who made her famous and the CMC. Thank you heaps!
any time, friend. glad to see someone took my advice to heart for once. I'll be sure to read it as soon as I can. also something just occured to me. since she's scared of crowds and singing in front of them, maybe there coud be a doppelganger of some sort she uses for her appearances. makes good grounds flor blackmail. have fun :D
looking forward to seeing the polished product.
Do you want to send the revised chapter 1 to me for editing?
52614
Roger that. Got to go through it once more, mostly towards the end to check if i missed anything, but should be fine to fix up the bombshell.
52678 Getting on it now!