my chaotic oc · 2:57am Jun 20th, 2013
Name: Raphael
Species: Human
Ethnicity: Irish
Height: 6.5 ft.
width: 2 ft.
Personalities: Psycho, Runician, Limbo, and Raphael
Raphael's description:
Hair Color:Bright red
Eye Color: Blue-green
outfit: Black business suit with red pinstripes
Hat: Fedora with same color scheme
Hair style: scraggly and unkempt
Weapons: Chaos chakrams
Gloves: Classic white
Powers: same as discord
Necklace: Metal medallion of the tree of life with a sword and mace crossing behind it
Personality: Jovial, caring, affectionate, forgiving, carefree
Quirks: Absentminded, clueless, overly-optimistic, hard to calm down when angered
Chaos charged form: Midnight black skin, glowing red orbs for eyes, mouth glows red in a cheshire cat grin, same suit, hat, and gloves, but a dark aura eminates from the suit and the red stripes are now glowing in a neon shade, now has red claws
Limbos' description
Torso: Millitary bandoliers crossing over a black T-shirt with hotrod flames
Head: Flaming dragon skull helm and a futuristic visor
Legs: Leather pants with flames on the bottoms
Shoes: Leather army boots that leave flaming footsteps
Weapon: Minigun with the chakrams acting as gears on the backpack
Personality: self righteous, vain, cold, short tempered, one track mind
Chaos charged form:Midnight black skin, glowing red orbs for eyes, mouth glows red in a cheshire cat grin , gun tips turn into dragon skulls, and the outfit turns to chaotic fire
Psychos' description
Head: Army issue gas-mask
Torso: Shirtless with a pentagram bordered with a Draconequis tatooed on his torso, has a six-pack
Arms: Heavily muscled, with "slice here" tatooed over his wrists with surgery cut-lines under the words
Hands: Covered in black fingerless gloves
Legs: Army green cargo pants
Feet: Brown hiking boots, leaves electric footprints
Weapon: Motor-axe from Borderlands 2 with the head made up of the chakrams spinning both clockwise and counter-clockwise simultaneously and twin drills poking out of the tip, also spinning both ways
Personality: Krieg from Borderlands 2
Chaos charged form: Left arm shrinks down and right arm grows to inhuman size, body becomes reptilian, Midnight black skin, glowing red reptilian orbs for eyes, mouth glows red in a cheshire cat grin grows a tail
Runicians' description
outfit: blue druids cloak, leaves trail of ice
Eyes: Glowing blue
Weapon: Staff with the chakrams making a sphere at the tip
Personality:Intellec tual, factual, cold, distant
Chaos charged form: Grim reaper
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You want me to take this shit and write a story around this guy? Excuse me, but fucking NOPE!
Let's see here:
Height 6.5 feet, Width 2 feet. HOLY SHIT, WHAT A FATASS! That's like as big as the motherfucking heavy.
Clothing, blah blah blah. All shitty looks.
Personality: Caring yet carefree. Yup seems legit.
Quirks: Pfft, so much contradiction.
Enraged form? WTF is this shit? Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.
In conclusion:
If you want me to write a story around this (I have standards) you're gonna have to let me change his body size, his clothing preference, his personality, his quirks, and cut out the Enraged form, and make it so that his powers are granted throughout the story as it progresses. At the beginning he wouldn't have ANY powers to begin with.
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Nurse! 200mg of cyanide, STAT! We need to make sure this fucker stays down!
Why did you just make like, a literal Discord? You're giving him the same exact powers, humanized him, and gave him a terrible suit, awful hat (really? A fedora? So he's a chaotic hipster now? "I'LL TAKE MY LATTE WITH NO FOAM TODAY... I'M FEELING CHAOTIC."), Mary Sue-ish personality traits... and an "Enraged Form"? Really? Where his eyes glow, and even his SUIT glows?
I'm going to be blunt: this OC needs a LOT, and I do mean a LOT, of retooling before it will appear even slightly passable. You've thrown a lot of bad cliches in there, and any author/editor worth his or her salt will not be touching that with a ten foot pole.
Not even touching the rest of your OC's, but suffice to say that they could all use some work to not be two-dimensional, cookie cutter OCs.
1159687 fedoras and suits kick ass, no argument is valid
1159687also, discord would alwayse have foam, he has a GIANT sw2eet tooth!
1159669I mean that while he cares for others, he does not let the problems with life get him down, and I already GOT an author, and he kicks ass/flank, so for-freaking-get you
1161983 Fedoras are the most hipster pieces of crap ever, just saying. And you clearly didn't read WHY it was a problem.
Don't forget Intellect.