I hate Lyra...or so I'm told · 9:56am Mar 28th, 2012
How my readers think 'Tugging at the Heartstrings' is written
The front door opened and a man reeking of whiskey and cheap fast food stumbled in the threshold. He regained his composure, although no amount of willpower could stop his body from swaying. He looked around the darkened hallway before he slammed the door harshly behind him.
"Lyra!" The author yelled. "Lyra get your worthless plot out here, now!"
After a few seconds of silence the almost non-existent sound of hooves against hard wood could be heard. A mint green unicorn timidly crept from around the corner with her eyes surveying the sight in front of her.
"You've been drinking again," the unicorn sighed. You wave away her comment with a swish of your hand.
"Shut up," the author growled. "Where's my damn laptop? I need to write more on my novel." The unicorn sniggered ever so slightly at the statement.
"Oh please, you write My Little Pony fanfiction. It's not a novel it's..."
"I said shut up!" The author roared. "Get me my goddamn laptop!" Lyra flinched and quickly trotted into the next room with the author not far behind. A glossy black, rectangular object enveloped in an amber aura and rose into the air towards the man. The author snatched the laptop from the air and inelegantly dropped down onto the couch. He opened it and started it up while Lyra watched nervously from the doorway.
"Get me a beer I'm losing my creative buzz." The author demanded as he waited for the laptop to start up. Lyra shifted uneasily in her stance.
"Do you think it's a good idea for you to..." The unicorn was silenced by a deathly stare from the author. Lyra slipped away silently to the kitchen. The author entered his password and immediately opened a blank page his word processor and sat silently as he stared at the screen. He had had a lot of good ideas when he was out drinking but he did not know how to go about writing them.
The mint unicorn returned to the room with a bottle of beer enveloped in her magic but, as there was not much light in the room, failed to notice the rug on the floor. Lyra tripped on the sudden change in friction of the floor and stumbled which caused her levitation spell to vanish. The beer bottle fell to the ground with a smash, beer and broken glass spewed out across the rug and hardwood floor. The author jumped at the loud sound at gazed at the mess on the floor, his eyes soon moved to the trembling unicorn whose eyes were filling up with tears.
"I...I'm sorry." She whispered shakily. The author put his laptop to the side and stood up, his fists clenching. "I d-didn't mean it, I'll clean it u-up." Lyra backed slowly against the wall and cowered on the ground. The author slowly approached her rolling up his sleeves. Her hooves joined in a begging motion. "Please..."
Exhaustion crept up upon the unicorn; she was drained of energy both physically and mentally. She closed her eyes, lying down and turning on her side so the injured appendage was off the cold, hard ground and began to rock her body gently. Her hoof began to throb once more and Lyra winced again before letting out a trembling sigh.
“… I …deserve it.” she croaked.
The author sat back with his hands behind his head, proud of his latest chapter.
"This should keep those guys happy." He smirked. He clicked the publish button and closed down his laptop with a short sigh. He looked over to the corner of the room where he could barely make out the shape of a unicorn shaking and silently sobbing. He stood up, stretched and walked over to her, the unicorn's breathing rate increased and she tried to hide her left hoof from further harm.
"You best make a start on cleaning up this mess." Lyra nodded in response. The author turned to leave when he was stopped by a small whine.
"I'm s-sorry." She whispered.
"What are you apologising for Lyra," he asked as he crouched down to her level and giving her a sinister smile which caused her to wince. "After all, you've given me so much to write about tonight."
How 'Tugging at the Heartstrings' is actually written...kind of
The author stood behind the chair nervously as the green unicorn read what he had written. She was slouched against the backrest with her hind hooves dangling in the air. She used her magic to scroll down the page and highlight mistakes with the mouse. Eventually she reached the end and nodded.
"It's good." She smiled. The author let out a sigh of relief.
"Really?"
"Yeah," the unicorn beamed getting up from the chair. "Not gonna lie, it's a bit weird to read a fanfic about me like this but meh, whatever makes you happy." The author smiled nervously and scratched the back of his neck.
"And what about what I'm putting you, I mean, your character through. The hurt and the pain and stuff?" Lyra just shrugged nonchalantly and turned to leave the room.
"Whatever man, I ain't even mad."
~
The author would like to thank all of his readers for their continued support throughout the making of this fan-fiction and would like to remind everyone that he takes no perverse pleasure in causing any of his characters to experience any pain and/or suffering. We have it on good authority that he actually cries himself to sleep because of it
So wait, am I not supposed to mention all the times we giggle like fillies and stick pins in the Lyra voodoo plushie?
47447 Don't tell them that Starfall, I'm trying to get them on our side first
47451
Oh uh right, uhmm ... friendship and hugs and Scootalove for all! /chocolatemilk
47465
p.twimg.com/ApKKmFHCEAI4lMQ.jpg
48715
Hide, Lyra, quickly!
i165.photobucket.com/albums/u73/Matthew_Morrison/132352541308s.png
48726 The amount of people who have said I'm being too mean to Lyra is hilarious. I'm so tempted to end it like this;
And they all lived happily ever after.
Apart from Lyra who died of pony AIDS two weeks later
The End
48736
Let me tell you right off that that is not making it past your proof-readers.
It doesn't have enough horn-carving gore, for a start.
48740 Idea! We could end it with Bon Bon fed up with Lyra's bitching and make her into candy a la Cupcakes
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48964
I-deeeaaaaa!
Pinkie and Bon-Bon ARE Thelma and Louise IN 'Razing Equestria'