new story maybe? · 11:38pm Apr 13th, 2013
As title says, there's this idea I've been kicking around.
Caramel's Bad Day... or Two AKA Stinkmeaner goes to Equestria.
A surly, angry sinner sat in the farthest, darkest reaches of the Pit. The spirit in question was currently breaking the leg of a demon unfortunate enough to be dueling him above a chasm of spikes. The tortured soul was currently battling to gain the favor of the prince of darkness himself. With a pained scream, the monstrosity fell into the abyss below ending in a horrible crunch. With that, magma poured from orifices in the walls, flowed into the spike pit, and illuminated the room, revealing the lord of the dead sitting on a throne made from the bones of the damned.
"Why have you asked my favor yet again sinner?" the devil asked as a smirk crossed his face.
"You know what I want bitch. Send me back to kill the Freeman family."
"I have already granted you such a request. You are denied." Finality echoed in the room as the final syllable died in the Beast's statement.
"What! Fuck you nigga. If you won't send me back, I'll beat the retarded out of you until you do. Now get ya balls nigga," the spirit demand as he adopted a fighting stance.
The Devil took this threat, and laughed it off.
"Leave now," came Satan's deep baritone, "before I lose my patience with you old man."
"Fuck your faggot-ass, bitch," was the soul's response as he launched himself at the Devil.
Before the spirit's blow could land, the prince of darkness waved a hand and caused a rift to open before him, catching the sinner, and spiriting him off to another world. As the damned flew through the darkness, Satan's voice echoed through the soul's mind.
"For your transgressions against me mortal, you shall be sent to a place of eternal torture, and pain with no hope of return." The Devil's mad cackle followed suit as the sinner was thrust through the void.
"Fuuuuuck youuuuuu bitch."
-----
Caramel had stayed up late last night, preparing for the day's festivities. It was the annual summer carnival, and as such most places had set up booths, stands, shops, and the like to peddle their wares this day. Caramel, was going to be offering his caramel coated apples, for a reasonable price of course. The day before, he had asked his cousin Applejack for fifty of her best apples for the day.
It seemed like today everypony was setting up something to celebrate the carnival. Especially Cherilee, the local schoolteacher had set up a small obstacle course for the children to sharpen their reflexes, as well as their minds.
He had been seeing the teacher for quite some time, and despite some rather forward advances by the mare, they had still not had 'relations'. Today, that was all going to change. Today Caramel was going to get to know her more intimately. The last few times his nerves had gotten thebetter of him, but today that was all going to change.
Before the day could end though, it had to begin, and have a middle of course. Both of which included selling his wares at the carnival. He had chosen the perfect spot to sell his apples. This spot was lovely, just past the ticket booth, and under a shady tree in case the selling took longer than anticipated.
As of now, he was hauling his pre-made delicacies in the early morning hours. Surely nopony would set up an hour before the carnival started, so he was going to have the best spot.
By the time he reached the town square, the sun had already broken the horizon, birds chipped softly in the distance, and a cloud moved lazily in the light breeze. He could see it now, his spot, he had even placed a little note on the tree to claim the spot in advance. Now he was simply a few measly feet away when an odd sound caught his attention.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Caramellllllllll," said a pink blur as it rushed past, "byyyyyyyyyyyyyye Caramellllllllll."
"Good morning to you too Pinkie!" he shouted before the party mare got out of range.
When he turned around however, he saw a cart in his spot. It was red with white stripes, or maybe white with red stripes he could never tell. The offending cart had a large glass case held within that contained a suspended metal pot, and an oddly colored lamp. He now recalled to whom the cart belonged, the Corn siblings. Corn Husk, Corn Silk, and Corn Hole.
Only two of the three siblings , Husk and Silk, ever came to social gatherings for some odd reason. Today however only the oldest of the Corns attended the cart, Corn Husk. Husk was a burly earth pony stallion that stood a full head above Caramel. His dark green coat clashed with his golden mane in the most unpleasant of ways.
"Hey man that was my spot!" Caramel shouted at the offending cart owner.
"Yeah whatever," replied Husk.
"It had my name on it, and everything."
"Look Candy Apple," the eldest Corn sibling said as he got up from behind the cart, "I don't care now get out of here bitch."
Caramel could feel bile rise in his throat, foam pile in his mouth, and then it felt as though somepony else took control.
"What did you say nigga."
"Bitch, I didn't stutter. Why don't you piss off and go someplace else."
"I didn't hear you nigga come closer."
"I SAID-" *CRACK* the possessed Caramel had spun around, and landed a buck straight into the head of the oldest Corn sibling which ended in an agonizing crunch. As Husk hobbled back, his head reeling, he reached behind the cart for a blunt object to strike Caramel with, but instead found the stallion rushing him.
"Fuck your cart nigga. FUCK! YOUR! CART!" Caramel emphasized each word with a stomp on the vehicle's table.
------
And that's all I've got so far I don't know. For those of you who don't know, I'm ripping off the boondocks.
What do you guys think.
Honestly? It started awesome and went down hill from there. At 1 point i was scimming the words... Too much filler maybe? And a bit of an info dump i guess... Although the FUCK YOUR CART was amusing.
And i liked the contrast between peaceful Carmel and then the random FUCK YOU NIGGA! You ain't even black XD
1008087 blacker than you
1008119 perhaps... No need to brag about it.